'I feel like as adults we should be able to handle stuff on our own': Boyfriend asks his mother for advice, but her dislike for his girlfriend has her wondering if she should leave

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 22, 2025 7:00 AM EST

There are people in our lives who are there to help us in different ways. As a kid, you go to your teacher when one of your classmates is mean in school. As a teen, you reluctantly go to your parents when you need to get picked up from that party you previously said you weren't going to. At work, your colleague in confidence. In finances, your accountant. In feelings, your therapist, in life, your best friends. People come into our lives each with a different purpose, and it's our job to figure out the balance. Learning who can handle a crisis and who is just a fairweather friend is one of the greatest lessons life can teach you.

There are some issues that require us to cast a wide net for advice, relationship issues being the number one. Friends, parents, strangers on the internet. There's no limit as to who can help with heartache, as long as you keep it well spread. One woman had an issue with that when her boyfriend constantly talked to his mother about their relationship troubles. It's one thing to ask for mom's advice on girls, but to go to her for every issue? Read on to see if you think it makes sense.

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    "AITA? I don’t want my partners mom involved in our problems"

    Hi there, So I am 25F and my partner is 25M. We have been together for 7 months and live together. It started out very swell and nice but of course we have our differences just personality differences and on top of that I moved countries to be with him.
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    Anywho, we have a lot of issues in regard to his video game consumption which has led to countless arguments but the real issue lies, no matter how big or small the arguments have been he always runs to his mother and then they talk bad about me behind my back not all the time but it has happened and she gets very heavily involved in our relationship. I am uncomfortable
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    relationship. I am uncomfortable with that. I don't want her knowing all of my emotions and my personal stuff, and he constantly involves her. I feel awkward even seeing her at this rate, I know she isn't a fan of me but everything he has been saying is bias because he has been at faults as well. But can't realize them lol.
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    Basically I messaged the mom and explained and apologized to her for even being involved in the first place, I feel like as adults we should be able to handle stuff on our own. But she's just cold and distant and that's how I know and realized something has changed.
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    Of course I care what she thinks of me and I don't know what to do about this situation as I have never been through this. She also openly wants to be involved she asks questions to him about our relationship, she has made comments about me behind my back, such as (I didn't have a job here for a few months due to visa, language barrier) but I
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    Just mean and nasty!

    visa, language barrier) but I landed a job and I'm making money now to help with rent but before I didn't pay rent, his mom said" once you ask her to pay rent she's just going to leave" | think that's really disturbing and just mean. I haven't been a saint either and have made mistakes of course I can take accountability but I don't deserve this.
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    What do you guys think? Also to add I have had convos with him about him keeping things between us and nothing has changed. AM I THE A_H_LE?
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    People in the comments were unanimous: stay away from mama's boys!

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    Run far and fast away from Momma's boys. You'll never win. It will only get worse. You're fighting a losing battle. NTA
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    dump the mama's boy and consider it a lesson learned.
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    Nta. Break up now. It'll only get worse if he can't set boundarie.
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    NTA. Not clear why you're still there, tbh.
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    NTA. Dealing with partner's parents/in-laws is not always easy. I will say this from experience with 2 diff MIL- you cannot control who your partner discusses their life with, nor what details they share about you. He has
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    share about you. He has spent 25yrs running to his mom for everything and that may or may not change. Is it in poor taste and immature at this rate, absolutely. If he
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    at this rate, absolutely. If he chooses to tell her about your relationship, he should not be relaying what is discussed or what she said back to you, that's what causing the stress.
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    Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries...

    You have already tried to set the boundary of "don't tell her everything." The reality is, this is what living with him is like. IMO, it'll come down to you deciding if you want to date an immature man and his mom, or keep your sanity.
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    NTA, but. I'm actually on the other side of almost exactly this, being the parent of a kid who vents to me about how their partner moved in pretty soon after they started dating but couldn't pay rent. The partner is
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    pay rent. The partner is upset that I know so much about their business and they aren't wrong. But I'm also not wrong. And neither is my kid. It's normal to want
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    is my kid. It's normal to want to have privacy from someone you don't really know, but that's also probably not going to happen. Talk about your feelings to your partner (not the mom), do your best to show that you didn't move. countries just to leach of her kid, things will sort themselves out eventually.
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    PS don't go to the mom and tell her your side of the story and apologize for her kid involving her. It is literally always going to make a bad impression.
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Dating-Relationships aita mamas-boy mother reddit story boy mom relationships reddit thread Reddit relationship drama
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