Work friend protests when 20-year-old coworker requests she stops hosting office get togethers at restaurant where she has a second job: 'She said that I should just quit'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 24, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Whether you have a genuine struggle to make ends meet or you are just hoping to save a little extra cash, there are numerous legitimate reasons to have more than one job. So long as you are not overextending yourself, there is nothing wrong with hard work and ultimately, it is a position that most people will respect. It isn't easy juggling multiple types of jobs at the same time, and it shows a specific skill set that not everybody has.

However, one of the issues that can arise with having multiple careers is how your coworkers at each job might react to knowing how you make your living. Despite the work involved, not everyone respects the idea of having a side gig or similar. Some judge it as the behavior of people that they look down upon, even though that is usually an unfair assessment. There is no pleasing everybody with this lifestyle.

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  • This is something that one young woman found herself struggling with recently after her friend and coworker at her primary office job started causing issues for her at her weekend gig serving at a restaurant. The friend was an assistant to their boss, and repeatedly decided to book work socials at the restaurant on the nights that the woman was working. Finding it awkward, she asked her coworker to stop, but she refused. It left her pondering if she was being too sensitive.

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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for asking my friends to stop scheduling workplace events at the restaurant I work at?

    Me(20F) and Kamila(23F) work at the same place. We have been acquaintances for a long time but only got closer when I got hired in the start of last year. She is essentially my boss's assistant. Besides working here, in November I took a part time job in a restaurant where I work Friday nights, Saturdays, Sundays and Holidays.
    via Odd_Week4969
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    My boss (52M i think) likes to host dinners for our whole office at least once a month or when we finish a really big project. Usually I can't make it so I don't pay a lot of attention to discussions about it. At the start of January, I realized that the dinner for the opening of the year was going to take place at the restaurant I work at. I talked with Kamila, she said she didn't realize but that it couldn't be changed since the reservations were already made.
    via Odd_Week4969
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    That dinner was awkward for me since my coworkers kept asking me to sit and eat with them and were kind of giving me weird looks (I think it was pity tbh). They left a huge tip which was both cool and a bit embarrassing. Afterwards everyone started treating me differently and my supervisor even pulled me aside to ask if everything was alright LOL they had good intentions but it was genuinely annoying for me especially since I don't talk much about my personal life at work. The February dinner wa
    via Odd_Week4969
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    I decided to trade with one of the other workers in the restaurant that works in the back (he was previously a waiter) to try to avoid the awkwardness. I was not even one hour into my shift when the owner came in and informed me that I had to trade again because table 4 (the one with coworkers) asked for me. When I switched, Kamila made a joke about me hiding from them and everything was awkward again. After that, I sent a text to Kamila asking if she would please stop scheduling the dinners her
    via Odd_Week4969
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    Commenters were adamant that her coworker had overstepped, and that she was in the right.

    CheetahMaximum6750 ChaosKitten is 100% correct. I spent many years working an office job and waiting tables at night. If my office co-workers were coming into my night gig repeatedly for celebrations that I couldn't attend because of work, I would be upset too. Once is a coincidence, but twice...? You've made your feelings known and your "friend" is completely disregarding them. It's time to take it to both your bosses. The restaurant manager shouldn't make you work a table or party that makes y
    via Chaoskitten13
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    You should bypass her and go directly to your boss. I wouldnt be surprised if your "friend" is telling your boss that you appreciate them coming there. Explain that it really isn't fair to you to be put in a position to work an event that you should be attending. You are just as much a member of that team as anyone else at the table. You shouldn't be put in that position. Even if you can't make it, they should go to another restaurant so it's not rubbed in your face. They're not doing you a favo
    via Chaoskitten13
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    CheetahMaximum6750 ChaosKitten is 100% correct. I spent many years working an office job and waiting tables at night. If my office co-workers were coming into my night gig repeatedly for celebrations that I couldn't attend because of work, I would be upset too. Once is a coincidence, but twice...? You've made your feelings known and your "friend" is completely disregarding them. It's time to take it to both your bosses. The restaurant manager shouldn't make you work a table or party that makes y
    via CheetahMaximum6750
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    HeartsAndStuffUps NTA. Kamila is on a power trip. She is not your friend. This woman thinks you are beneath her and she wants everyone to see you that way. But also why can't these dinners be held on a night you're free? Why are you explicitly not part of it??
    via HeartsAndStuffUps
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    Odd_Week4969 OP Aside from the two jobs I sometimes pick up some gigs and also am taking an online degree in accounting, so I really don't have a lot of free time LOL I live with my brother but he has a family now so he can't really support me, so I'm just trying to survive at the moment haha but I was able to participate twice, it just usually doesn't work for me
    via Odd_Week4969
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    RainbowCrane I have no idea about your non-waitstaff career or finances, but I can tell you that I was a computer programmer, a well- compensated career, and I had coworkers who still worked as waiters or bartenders because they liked the extra cash tips provided. It's not a weird thing, folks who criticize it are classist jerks.
    via RainbowCrane
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    Effective-Round7334 This person is not your friend. She called you poor and has changed your workplace environment. Stop being a pushover. You can always tell your office boss that going to this restaurant is awkward for you and to stop having meetings there. If they insist don't work that night. Or refuse to serve them. Stand your ground on this.
    via Effective-Round7334
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    jlynn1031 I wouldn't say she's a pushover. She's young & asking for advice on how to handle the situation. Your comment puts the blame back on her.
    via jlynn1031
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    Nessie-and-a-dram NTA, but go talk to the boss directly. Let him know that you're glad he likes Restaurant but that's it's really awkward to serve your coworkers. Maybe he thinks he's helping you out, letting you be present for those diners, but just isn't seeing the consequences. And maybe you'll find out he doesn't give a flying fig about where dinner is and just lets Kamila pick.
    via Nessie-and-a-dram
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    A_Classy_Ghost NTA, Kamila s ks, she knows exactly what she's doing since you were personally requested the second time when you tried avoiding them. She's not a friend, chances are she didn't even try to change the reservation or ask if it could be. I would avoid her going forward.
    via A_Classy_Ghost
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    Amerdale13 Info: do you know for sure that Kamila would be able to chose another restaurant and that decision is not made by someone else in your company?
    via Amerdale13
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    Odd_Week4969 OP She is the one who books the restaurants and has been the one to pick the places every time, in fact most of the places they go to are just her list of favorite restaurants LMAO but of course, I can't know for sure if my boss just found out he really likes this one restaurant
    via Odd_Week4969
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    ProfessorShameless Your boss may think that, by having a table with your 'friendly coworkers', being left a large tip, and you not being able to attend these dinners because of this side job, you appreciate them coming to the restaurant you work at and is insisting on going there because of this assumption. It s ks that you're in this position, but you may have to communicate directly to him that you would rather these dinners not be held at your other place of work.
    via ProfessorShameless
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    ZtheRN NTA. It sounds like she's trying to shame you for having a second job. Maybe the boss and the rest of the team really did like the restaurant but it still seems weird to go there for two outings in a row.
    via ZtheRN
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    gringaellie Kamila isn't your friend. Next time they book, ask your restaurant boss for the evening off or swap shifts.
    via gringaellie
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    Lucy-Bonnette NTA. Drop this friend. And just contact the boss directly, just bluntly saying it makes you uncomfortable to have to serve colleagues and if they could please think of another place, or respect the fact that you'll be in a different section when they are there.
    via Lucy-Bonnette
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    RiskyOolong NTA. You have every right to set boundaries between your workplaces and your coworkers making a spectacle out of it is frustrating. Kamila dismissing your feelings and telling you to quit a job instead of accommodating a simple request is out of line. She's not just ignoring your discomfort she's doubling down on it. Also, the "poor" comment? Yikes. Kamila is out here acting like she's powerless when she's literally in charge of planning. "Boss loves the place" isn't an excuse when s
    via RiskyOolong
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    ButltSaysOnline NTA. It doesn't matter if she thinks that she's helping you or if she's trying to be mean. Either way, you have asked her to stop it and she refuses.
    via ButItSaysOnline
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    UteLawyer NTA. Waiting on your coworkers fundamentally changes your work dynamic. There are lots of restaurants. Why does Kamila have to choose your restaurant? The first time could have plausibly been a coincidence, but after that she was being r de.
    via UteLawyer
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    Firebird562 Tell your boss that this is starting to feel like a hostile work environment. Boss is mandated to take appropriate action when those words are used. Also: if it's possible, maybe you could take off if they schedule the dinner at your restaurant. Attend rather than serve. Let her be surprised that you are present as a team member rather than a server. The look on her face will tell you what you need to know. My best to you.
    via Firebird562

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work coworkers restaurant boss aita job server argument reddit thread Reddit entitled people second job
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