Woman stumbles upon boyfriend's family group chat filled with messages trash-talking her, reconsiders relationship when he fails to defend her: "In fact, sometimes he even joined in"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Mar 8, 2025 10:00 PM EST

The family group chat is a wild place. I myself am in a handful. I am in a group chat with my parents, of course, as well as a big family group chat, which was originally a way for the Game of Thrones fans in the family to talk about the series. Eventually, everyone and their dog got into it. I have a group chat with all of my cousins as well as a separate chat with my female cousins. Trash-talking and venting in group chats is normal and expected, but it isn't exactly a free-for-all. Being overtly mean and critical isn't nice in any context, and bashing someone's significant other will always be met with pushback.

In our story today, our protagonist stumbles upon a group chat where she seems to be the most talked about topic. She scrolls though messages upon messages written by her in-laws criticising and tearing her apart. The worst part is that her own boyfriend, a member of the chat, does nothing to defend her and even joins in from time to time. Is this enough to end the relationship? Scroll down to find out. 

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  • 01

    I Found Out My Boyfriend and His Family Talk Trash About Me in Their WhatsApp Group

    14:59 PM "His mom and sister were the worst offenders" send
    via milindri

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I don't even know how to process this right now. I'm shaking as I write this because I don't know if I'm overreacting or if this is a legitimate reason to walk away from this relationship. I just need to get this off my chest.
    via u/reginabarajas
  • 03
    I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years. I thought our relationship was solid-nothing perfect, of course, but overall, I felt like we were happy. He's always been really close to his family, which I
    via u/reginabarajas
  • 04
    thought was sweet. His mom and sister have always been nice to my face, though I did notice some passive-aggressive comments from his mom every now and then. Nothing I couldn't brush off. Then... this happened.
    via u/reginabarajas
  • 05
    A couple of days ago, my boyfriend asked to use my phone because his had did and he needed to send an urgent message. I handed it over without thinking. He used WhatsApp Web on my laptop and forgot to log out.
    via u/reginabarajas
  • 06
    I wasn't even snooping. I just opened my laptop later and saw that his account was still connected. Before closing it, I noticed a chat group called "The Usuals "with his mom, sister, a couple of cousins... and him. Curiosity got the best of me, so I clicked.
    via u/reginabarajas
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10476380672
    via hamonazaryan1 from Pixabay

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    I was NOT prepared for what I saw. The entire chat was basically them talking about me.
    via u/reginabarajas
  • 09
    His mom and sister were the worst offenders- criticizing my cooking, my clothes, even my body. And my boyfriend? He didn't defend me. In fact, sometimes he even joined in.
    via u/reginabarajas
  • 10
    I don't know what hurt more—his family trash- talking me behind my back, or the fact that he was just going along with it. No defending me, no standing up for me, just laughing along with them.
    via u/reginabarajas
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10476380928
    via Rido

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    I closed the chat and just sat there, staring at my screen, feeling like an idiot. Then I walked into the living room and asked him, totally out of nowhere: "Hey, be honest... what does your family really think about me?" -
    via u/reginabarajas
  • 13
    He laughed and said something like, "Why? You already know they love you." I wanted to scream I READ EVERYTHING, but I didn't. Not yet. I don't even know how to bring this up. I just feel sick.
    via u/reginabarajas

  • This is just like Pandora's Box. Unfortunately, while the sting of these comments and their two-faced lies hurts, it is a good thing she came across it in the long-run.

  • 14
    What would you do if you were me? Am I overreacting? Because right now, I don't know if I can even look at him the same way.
    via u/reginabarajas
  • 15
    YamahaRyoko run I am in a siblings thread with my dad; no one has ever commented or criticized on someone elses SO
    via u/YamahaRyoko
  • 16
    That would be completely inappropriate My wife often has her mom or sister stay; the few times I've eavesdropped I have never heard anything but positive comments.
    via u/YamahaRyoko
  • 17
    kexpaints If my family started talking negatively about my wife I'd have to put them in their place quick. I cant imagine in what world where I would allow that. So disrespectful.
    via u/kexpaints
  • 18
    Mkartma61 Exactly! I cut ties from my nmom and cousin because they wouldn't stop badmouthing my husband even when I begged them to stop.
    via u/Mkartma61
  • 19
    imarebelpilot The ONE time my mother in law made an even remotely negative comment to my now husband about me/my family it was about him not spending time with his family for the
    via u/imarebelpilot
  • 20
    holidays and choosing to spend them with us instead, he told her we are also his family and if she made any comment like that again she'd never see him at the holidays. Never happened again.
    via u/imarebelpilot
  • 21
    ellebeemall Everyone vents every now and again, so I think talking about you in any negative light would mayyyyybe be ok if he shared a situation and got their support on it, but this is so different from that. I don't think I could recover from my partner and his family being mean for the sake of being mean.
    via u/ellebeemall

  • Right, discussing potential red flags or getting other peoples' perspectives on a situation is one thing, but it doesn't sound like that is what was going on here. They were actively making fun of our protagonist, and her boyfriend was joining in.

  • 22
    MoparMedusa I'm in one with my sister and mom and my mom was complimenting my husband today! I agree that it is time to run!
    via u/MoparMedusa
  • 23
    Leather-Tip-1995 You're not overreacting. Reach out to friends and get some support. Then take a breath and really think about if this is the first that you've seen. For you're boyfriend to not even defend you and join is is horrible. You need to ask yourself if this is the kind of person that you want to be with.
    via u/Leather-Tip-1995
  • 24
    Corfiz74 Actually, I'd have written into the group myself and said it's interesting to see what they really think of you and ask them if bf could move back home until the lease is up, since you don't want to see his face ever again.
    via u/Corfiz74
  • 25
    crazykim79 I agree. It's really an act of betrayal. Plus OP, just think about all the lies over 3 years - telling you one thing, while telling them another. And he just lied again when you flat out asked him how his family felt about you.
    via u/crazykim79
  • 26
    Cheezburger Image 10476381184
    via sanjagrujic

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 27
    SirEDCaLot This is the answer. I'd print out some screenshots from that chat. Especially the ones where he joins in.
    via u/SirEDCaLot
  • 28
    mnemonicprincess OP you need to walk away from this relationship NOW! These people are trash. You are worth so much more. I know it has been three years with this guy but better to find out now than after marrying him. Run.
    via u/mnemonicprincess
  • 29
    Careless_Welder_4048 Why isn't he an ex already??
    via u/Careless_Welder_4048
  • 30
    solarpropietor I'd move out, without an explanation and just watch the chat slowly figure out why.
    via u/solarpropietor

Tags

boyfriend family drama toxic Female Empowerment reddit story relationships girlfriend sister in law mother in law family breakup reddit thread group chat Reddit dating
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