28-year-old mother of two refuses to lend brother rent money after years of handouts, parents call her selfish for prioritizing her children: "Don't you want to show your kids what family is supposed to be?"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Mar 15, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Adulting is hard. Plenty of 20-somethings and beyond struggle with various aspects of it. It's even harder when you start comparing yourself to people of generations past that were able to make it through college, buy a house, and start a family while working a minumum wage job. However, even if you don't hit the ground running, you eventually get the hang of it. While it's great to have help from your parents while you take your babysteps into adulthood, too much coddling can actually impede your ability to ever develop.

In our story today, a pair of parents pressure their daughter into helping her 28-year-old brother with the rent yet again. Because she has been giving this grown man handouts for years and has her own kids to prioritise, she refuses. Her parents accuse her of not caring for her family, but the internet agrees that her children are her family now. Scroll down below to find out more. 

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  • 01

    AITA for not giving my brother money for rent after my mom shamed me for prioritizing my own family?

    He said his life would "fall apart" if I didn't help.
    via FG Trade

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (28F) have two kids, 3 and 7, and a husband (30M). We're doing our best to stay on top of things financially, but it's hard. We both work full-time, and we're saving for the future, paying off debt, and just trying to make sure our kids have everything they need. The last few years have been a struggle, but we're getting there.
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 03
    A few hours ago, my brother (mid-20s) called me, and he asked me to lend him $4,500 for his rent because he's behind on payments. He's been struggling financially for a while now because of poor spending habits, and now he's in danger of
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 04
    being evicted. He said his life would "fall apart" if I didn't help. I told him I couldn't. We're not in a position to throw around that kind of money, especially since I have my own family to take care of. Plus, he's been asking for help like this for years, and I just don't think it's right to keep bailing him out.
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10479869184
    via Octavian Grigorescu's Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    Later, my mom called me and really laid into me. She said I was being selfish and that "family comes first." She told me I could always rebuild my savings later and that I should help my brother because he's in a crisis. She even said, "Don't you want to show your kids what family is supposed to be? That's the
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 07
    kind of example you should be setting." She accused me of choosing my own family over him and said I needed to grow up and "be there for your brother when he needs you." Now, she doesn't speak to me but is telling other relatives that I'm "heartless" and "unsupportive." They themselves are calling me telling me that she is calling around saying that.
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422

  • With parents like these, it's no wonder he feels so entitled to his sister's income. Shame on them!

  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10479868672
    via Stockbusters

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    My husband is fully on my side, but I feel like I'm being torn apart by the guilt from my mom and brother. Also Im sorry if this text is too long. I just. I dont know, wanted to vent
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 10
    soochie001 Tell your mom to fork over the $4,500 if really feel so strong about helping family. Ask her what her grandkids will think of her if she let her son go homeless.
    via u/soochie001
  • 11
    Bubbly_Bubble_1422 OP She literally blaims me for how his life is, saying that i as the big sister should take care of him!
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 12
    LizzGomez You're taking care of your own family, which is your priority. You've helped your brother before, and it's unreasonable for him to keep asking for large sums of money when he's not making efforts to change
    via u/LizzGomez
  • 13
    his financial habits. Your mom's guilt trip is unfair, and you should not feel pressured into jeopardizing your family's well-being. It's important to set boundaries, and you made the right call by saying no
    via u/LizzGomez
  • 14
    D 20 JB 85811 B2 13 14 UNITED 20 PAY RENT! 21 FOR ALL DERIS THIS NOTEI Ras Sumatate Treasurer of the U 27 28
    via Numbeos

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    Bubbly_Bubble_1422 OP They really laid it on me. I feel so bad and i want to be a good person, but i am in an impossible position, and them throwing it in my face is so vile.
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 16
    cupcakecounter And I'll bet if OP needed that much money she would be called greedy and irresponsible for getting so far behind when she has children to care for.
    via u/cupcakecounter
  • 17
    Accomplished_Pea6334 NTA. Props to you for not enabling your brother. This is kinda an issue I am dealing with at the moment with my wife and she cannot say NO.
    via u/Accomplished_Pea6334

  • He's going to have to learn eventually how to be responsible, budget, and fend for himself. His sister is kind of doing him a favor in the long run.

  • 18
    Bubbly_Bubble_1422 OP How do you guys handle that situation. I truly do not know how to handle this, even though i did say no to my brother
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 19
    Accomplished_Pea6334 I think as adults we all make decisions that affect the outcome of the present and future. I don't tell my wife not to loan money but I do tell her what does this teach them? We have had instances she has loaned her sister money and she has not paid us back.
    via u/Accomplished_Pea6334
  • 20
    We continue to have this conversation everytime it happens and in reality, if we continue to loan them money we become enablers.
    via u/Accomplished_Pea6334
  • 21
    Finally, this takes away from your family, especially your kids. Anyone who asks for money and isn't good for it can take a hike, family or not. Do not listen to your mom, she is an enabler as well (respectfully).
    via u/Accomplished_Pea6334
  • 22
    Bright_Sea_7567 Your husband and your kids are your family. Your brother needs to get his sh together and your mother needs to back the h_I off and stop treating your brother like he's god gift to man and let him fail and figure himself out.
    via u/Bright_Sea_7567
  • 23
    Bubbly_Bubble_1422 OP I just wished they didn't blaime me for his wrongdoings. Like i truly do not understand where this came from.
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 24
    NTA MajorAd2679 Your brother is an adult who isn't being financially responsible. Your mum is right, family does come first. You have children and they come first.
    via u/MajorAd2679
  • 25
    Bubbly_Bubble_1422 OP He is not taking responsibility at all. He is the cause of this problem, and guess what, no sound from him. Only relatives calling me to shame me because of my mom
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 26
    Fearless-Ad-2520 You are prioritizing family, yours! If she wants to help him let it be from her own wallet. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
    via u/Fearless-Ad-2520

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family drama toxic brother adulting siblings relationships favoritism parenting couples love adulthood entitled family sister Reddit raising kids entitled people
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