Middle child sister puts her foot down on cooking and cleaning for her family, she leaves them to do their own chores, only for them to turn on her: “I just stopped going home”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Mar 17, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. We're all familiar with sibling stereotypes. The older child always has the most pressure, responsibilities, and consequences. The oldest gets the brunt of the parent's experiments in parenting, and if someone is going to have to do chores or errands, it's probably going to be the eldest. The baby of the family is well….the baby. The youngest always get their way, they get all the attention, and they never get punished for their actions. The parents usually treat them with more lax parenting because they're probably tired of the gig by now. This leaves us with the middle child. Middle children are interesting. They're usually the one that everyone forgets about, they don't get everything they want, and they don't get harsh consequences either. They're kind of just there, and neglect is often the garb they wear throughout their life. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a middle child. She plays the role of mom after her actual mom passed away, but can't seem to get any help or recognition for it. After too many times not being appreciated, she decides she's done taking care of her selfish family once and for all.

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  • 01

    AITA for not going home during our semester break and letting my family deal with the mess they made?

    "When I came back the house was a disaster"
    via brebca from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    A few months ago my cousin (58F) sent out a group text message about planning a big birthday bash for my aunt who's turning 80 in July followed by invites that were mailed. RSVP responses were slow and not encouraging (my brother (45) totally bailed when the first text went out) so she recently started
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610

  • It's absolutely in her right to not want to do everything for her family. It's shocking that they're this dependent on her anyway, and no one should have to care for their siblings, father, and cousin the way she is. It's not just the cooking and cleaning, she's not even shown appreciation for all of her hard work. 

  • 03
    sending reminder emails including the adult children of all us cousins which has now turned into a different mess.
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610
  • 04
    None of the adult children of any of my cousins are interested in attending. Many are in college/university and all of them are scattered around the US and haven't seen our aunt (their great aunt) in years. As result, my cousin is now promoting this as 'family reunion'/80th birthday party.
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610
  • 05
    So, for some context: I'm in my second year of college and transferred to a school 2-3 hours away from home, so I stay in a boarding house. After my mom. passed away a year ago, I took over a lot of household responsibilities—cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping— because, well, someone had to.
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610
  • 06
    My older sister is a nursing student with a crazy schedule, my younger sister isn't very independent, and my cousin (who moved in at my dad's request) helps with cooking, but that's about it.
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10480787968
    via Jacob Lund / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    At the start of the semester, before I left for school, I made sure the house was spotless. The laundry was done, the fridge was stocked with fruits, veggies, and meal-prepped food, and everything was in order. I figured they'd at least try to maintain it. But.... no.
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610
  • 09
    The first weekend I came back, the house was a disaster. Shoes scattered everywhere, dishes piling up, trash overflowing, unfinished takeout rotting in the fridge, and my meal-prepped food? Completely ignored. I was frustrated but cleaned it up anyway, thinking they were still adjusting. I reminded them—
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610
  • 10
    nicely―to at least clean up after themselves not because I was a clean freak but because I want them to live in a clean and healthy environment as it was one of my regrets when my mom di d from health complications and I deeply blamed myself. The next weekend? Same mess. And the weekend after that.
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610
  • 11
    At that point, I was done. Home was supposed to be a place where I could rest, not somewhere I had to play housekeeper after a long week. So I just... stopped going home. I made excuses-school projects, group hangouts, whatever it took.
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10480787712
    via SDI Productions from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    Then semester break came. It was also a big religious holiday where we honor the de d, and family would be coming over. Normally, I'd be the one running around, making sure everything was clean and prepared. But this time? I told them I had papers to finish and wouldn't be coming home on time. In reality, I knew that if I wasn't there, they would have to clean the house themselves.
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610
  • 14
    And sure enough, while I was away, I checked on our group chat and saw them absolutely panicking. They didn't know where things went, struggled to buy all the food they needed, complained about not having space to prepare food because the table was too cluttered, and even ran out of clean plates. Honestly? I felt satisfied knowing they were struggling.
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610
  • 15
    I came home the day after the holiday to spend time with them and visit my mom's grave. As expected, they hit me with, "Oh wow, how convenient that you couldn't come home earlier." But the house? It was cleaner than usual. Not perfect, but better.
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610
  • 16
    I know they'll probably slip back into old habits, but at least now they've felt what it's like to handle things without me. Maybe next time they'll think twice before taking it all for granted. So, AITA for ditching them and making them clean up their own mess?
    via u/Dapper_Rub_4610
  • 17
    chaingun samurai "Oh wow, how convenient that you couldn't come home earlier." "Nah. Totally planned, because if I came home earlier, you'd expect me to
    via u/chaingun samurai
  • 18
    clean up after all y'all, and I'm done with that."
    via u/chaingun samurai
  • 19
    cal... YWBTA if you kept cleaning up after them. They're grown-ups and in the end it's clear that they can act like grown-ups. NTA.
    via u/calacmack
  • 20
    AnyBioMedGeek NTA. You are not the maid. You are not home to create any of that mess so why should they expect you to spend your only free time cleaning up after them?
    via u/AnyBioMedGeek
  • 21
    Boeing367-80 OP, you were just enabling poor behavior before. You've stopped the enabling, the poor behavior is modfiying itself before your eyes.
    via u/Boeing367-80
  • 22
    They're adults, they can take care of themselves. And if you give them no alternative but to take care of themselves, guess what? In this case, they do.
    via u/Boeing367-80
  • 23
    But even if they didn't take care of themselves, again, they're adults. If they want to live in a pile of their own filth, that's their own business.
    via u/Boeing367-80
  • 24
    denimcat2k NTA. Be complementary and diplomatic. "You guys did a great job cleaning up the house. Please keep it up while I'm away at school."
    via u/denimcat2k

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