16-year-old reprimanded by stepmother for not including 10-year-old stepbrother in thoughtful birthday gift for dad, excaberating tension in new family: “I see him as someone I tolerate because I love my dad”

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Mar 23, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

I love buying or making gifts for my parents for their birthdays and holidays. I am an artist, so more often than not, I use my creative skills to make them something unique. Last Christmas, I made them a hand-drawn calendar; each month  featured a watercolor sketch of something they had done that month the year prior. If I don't have time to craft something in time for the special day, I know I can always buy them something that features a Maltese dog. Their pride and joy — held on a higher pedestal than even I — is a fluffy, white pup, and I've gotten them mugs, shirts, and even slippers that look like him. 
Knowing what to gift parents isn't easy and intuitive for everyone — especially ten year-olds. In our story today, a child of this age is left out of his stepbrother's special birthday plans for their dad. His mom reprimands her stepson for not including her son, but was he really in the wrong? Find out what internet commenters think, and get the full story down below.

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  • 01

    AITA for getting my dad a big birthday gift I knew he'd love and not including my stepbrother?

    "My dislike for him never changed."
    via Garakta Studio

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My parents are divorced and share custody of me (16M) which means I spend a week with my dad and a week with my mom and rotate it around. They get along pretty well so there are times I might spend more time with one over the other and they make it up without drama. So it's not a bad position to be in and I know how lucky I am.
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 03
    When I was 10 my dad got married again. I get along fine with my stepmom but my stepbrother (15M) I don't like him. I know he's a little younger than me and maybe I'm aj for our bad relationship but I don't like him.
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 04
    The moving in together transition was ROUGH. My stepbrother wanted us to share my room instead of having his own. I didn't want to but he brought his stuff to my room anyway and tried to move in. My dad stepped in and told him there was a whole room
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10484055296
    via Fabio Principe / EyeEm

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    waiting just for him and tried to make it positive but my stepbrother resisted. My stepmom wanted us to trial run sharing but dad knew I wasn't on board so he said it shouldn't be forced. She gave in and made her son move into his own room. But my stepbrother acted out for ages after that. Whenever I left for mom's I had to lock my door, same if I went to
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 07
    school or a friends house. Any time he was home when I wasn't he would try to mark his territory in my room and even moved some of his sh in. Then another time he trashed my room. Dad made him clean up after himself and my stepmom didn't complain or anything but idk, I got the vibe she felt like I was unfair to him.
    via u/GrapeSwim9210

  • Starting a new family when the stepkids don't get along isn't easy. This can be due to their personalities, changing family dynamics, and a result of each persons' parenting style.

  • 08
    >
    via denozy

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    Then my stepbrother got jealous any time I got 1:1 with dad even though he got it too. He wanted to tag along for some of it. Dad told him we had family time for that stuff but it was only fair for us both to
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 10
    get 1:1 time with me. My stepbrother looked for me to say I wanted him to come but I didn't. He whined about that for ages after and gave me such a hard time. He said we were brothers now and I didn't act like his. That's maybe what he wanted but I didn't.
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 11
    He was super clingy too. Wanted to visit my mom's house when I was there. Wanted to tag along with my friends and bring his along. If we played video games for an hour he'd expect me to spend more and more time with him or include him in other plans when we finished.
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 12
    My dad never forced me to include him in that stuff. He did make me promise that I wouldn't lose my temper if he annoyed me and to tell him or my stepmom if he was bugging me and I kept that. He also asked me to give family time some enthusiasm so maybe things could develop and I did my best.
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 13
    But my dislike for him never changed. I find him too much and annoying when he doesn't get his way. He doesn't like being told no and I find it frustrating. He's easily the worst part of being at dad's. It doesn't help that I have both parents and do stuff he'll never be able to and I won't invite him.
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 14
    I see him as someone I tolerate because I love my dad. But that's it. Which is why I didn't include him in my birthday gift plan. My dad's a big hockey fan. He doesn't really ever attend any games because he prefers to spend his money on other stuff. So for his 40th birthday I
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 15
    got him tickets and a jersey signed by his favorite player. It was expensive and it was big. Easily the biggest gift he got. My stepmom and stepbrother were upset I let it be a gift just from me. She said it would have been better if it had been from both his
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 16
    82.1
    via adamkaz

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 17
    boys and that way he could have taken me to one game and my stepbrother to another without feeling bad. She said I knew he'd love it and should have considered the benefit to it being a joint gift. My stepbrother said he hates me and I ruin everything.
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 18
    My dad doesn't know. He was so excited. But I think he might find out about their issue with it soon because my stepbrother especially has changed toward me and he ignores me now which I prefer. But I know it might bother my dad. I don't think he'll care that I didn't include my stepbrother but I know things could get messy because of my choice.
    via u/GrapeSwim9210

  • Our young protagonist is in no way responsible for his stepbrother's feelings. It ounds like he makes an effort to get along with him despite everything, but this gift is between him and his dad.

  • 19
    Trishlovesdolphins NTA. It wouldn't matter if you bought him this, a trip to Italy, or a new car. It wouldn't matter if this was your step brother, bio brother, or a friend.
    via u/Trishlovesdolphins
  • 20
    YOU decided your budget for a gift for your dad. You don't have to include anyone in buying it. You don't have to include anyone when giving it. They're just p ed that your gift was bigger than theirs.
    via u/Trishlovesdolphins
  • 21
    Sassaphras-680 Also I want to point out how nice it is to read a parent not forcing their bio kid to be bffs with their step kids and for still giving his bio kid attention
    via u/Sassaphras-680
  • 22
    Forward_Zebra_2092 Your money, your gift, your decision. If they wanted to go in together, they should've said so earlier.
    via u/Forward_Zebra_2092
  • 23
    No_Cockroach4248 NTA, he is your dad and you have every right to give him a gift. Your stepmother though is very likely giving her son some very unrealistic expectations. It would appear your stepbrother was expecting a
    via u/No_Cockroach4248
  • 24
    ready made father and brother to fall into his lap the moment his mother married your dad. What I find a bit creepy is that he wants to be included in every part of your life, including visiting your mom's. He needs therapy.
    via u/No_Cockroach4248
  • 25
    GrapeSwim9210 OP That's exactly what he expected and he got one of those things since my dad loves him. But the other part he didn't get and he tried to make me be his brother which made things even worse.
    via u/GrapeSwim9210
  • 26
    cosmopolite24 Agreed. I'm also curious whether all this is just one way. OP said stepbrother gets 1:1 tine with Dad. Does OP get 1:1 time with stepmother? What efforts does she make towards him?
    via u/cosmopolite24
  • 27
    Eastern_Condition863 NTA. Theyre just mad they didn't think of it first. You're not entitlted to share your gift or include others in it who had no hand in aquiring said expensive gift. They just want to sign their name on the card and get all the credit and praise.
    via u/Eastern_Condition863
  • 28
    deia_doll Exactly! NTA. They're upset because they didn't think of the idea first, not because you did anything wrong. You put thought into a meaningful, personal gift for your dad, and you're not obligated to include anyone else in that, especially if they didn't help with it. It sounds like they just want the credit and praise without putting in the effort.
    via u/deia_doll
  • 29
    Sparklingwine23 NTA you aren't required to do everything with your step brother. Its nice that he wants to be a part of your life but he needs to stop pushing so hard and let a natural relationship flow which will never happen like this.
    via u/Sparklingwine23
  • 30
    Intermountain-Gal Without exception, anyone who pushed to be a friend with me turned me off because they were overwhelming. They tend to be clingy, and it was almost like they were trying to BE me! Kind of like OP.
    via u/Intermountain-Gal
  • 31
    His stepbrother is hungry for family. He has no idea how. As is typical of adolescents, he's assuming people feel like he does....or should feel the same way. Some folks never grow past that. The boy could use some help with this transition.
    via u/Intermountain-Gal
  • 32
    13ex_G Nta time to sit down your dad and be honest about how you feel. Your dad is the adult here and it's his responsibility to deal with his wife and step son.
    via u/13ex_G
  • 33
    His wife should have never had that conversation with you. It was inappropriate. You are a kid who doesn't need to take on the responsibility for the emotions of your step brother. It's too much to ask you to be worried about his feelings while your step brother nor your step mom seem to care about your comfortability.
    via u/13ex_G
  • 34
    Vegetable-Cod-2340 This, op your stepmother was out of line trying to put that all on you. Also you need to speak with your dad and be clear abkut your feelings for your stepbrother and start putting up some boundaries.
    via u/Vegetable-Cod-2340
  • 35
    And you should recommend therapy for your stepbrother, it's not your job to be the brother he wants, he needs to accept your relationship as it and maybe once that happens you can move forward a friends or some thing more closer.
    via u/Vegetable-Cod-2340
  • 36
    But if there aren't boundaries and a clear understanding, then this kid will be trying to follow op to college and expecting to be best man at his wedding.
    via u/Vegetable-Cod-2340
  • 37
    Beth21286 OPS dad needs to talk to stepmum and remind her OPs feelings are no less important than her sons and she needs to do better.
    via u/Beth21286

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