'Many people are living a miserable life that they can't stand': Coworkers call out coworker for preferring plans with fiancé of 7 years to happy hour after work

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 29, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Everyone is allowed to do what they'd like to with their free time. When you're off the clock, you're off the clock and you don't have to answer to anyone else. That is, unless you have toddlers, then you definitely have to answer to them. Either way, nobody can force you to do anything you don't want to during your time off, even your coworkers. It's nice to join in after-work activities when you can since it helps build rapport and you might get a free drink or two out of the deal. But if you already have a personal plan, then those tend to come first. After all, work already takes up so much of your time.

You're not required to give them a couple more hours. But some folks don't feel this way and revolve their social lives around work. Their coworkers are their best friends, and the after-work outings are their main social outlet. This is fine, too, but it doesn't have to be everyone.

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    Cheezburger Image 10486547200
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The coworkers in this story, though, couldn't get past the fact that one of them wasn't like them. They expected that everyone would be on board with their after-work plans, and bristled when one politely declined. Read on for the details and see what you think.

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    Coworkers think I'm insane for wanting to spend time with my fiancé

    I work in a small department of 15 people. The majority are single, only about three of us are in long term relationships. I'm engaged to my fiance who I've been with for 7 years and is literally my best friend in the world. That aside, my coworkers will plan after-hours office events like happy hours,
    via u/Gusteauxs
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    dinners, etc. and I usually try to make it to every one I can but sometimes have to decline because I have plans with my fiance after work. Whenever I decline or have to leave early, they literally talk to me like I'm crazy
    via u/Gusteauxs
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    and super lame for wanting to go home to my best friend and I just find it so weird. Even the other married people on my team think that it's insane to willingly choose to go home to my partner and almost seem like they go out of their way to spend as little time at home as possible.
    via u/Gusteauxs
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    Granted, I don't have any children and I know some people use work as an escape from a loud home with kids so they can get work done and everything (I work a hybrid job so the option to WFH is open). Still just seems to strange to me, are people just miserable or dislike their partners? I don't feel like I'm the crazy one here.
    via u/Gusteauxs
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    Other workers gave their opinions on whether or not this was appropriate.

    srirachacoffee1945 · 4d ago People are insane, this is why i try to keep to myself.
    via u/srirachacoffee1945
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    hamsterontheloose 4d ago My favorite thing about finishing work for the day is going home. I don't want to go out, don't wanna socialize, and don't want to waste half my night hanging out with people. Even on weekends I'd rather stay home with my husband and pets than venture out and be around people.
    via u/hamsterontheloose
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    Cheezburger Image 10486547456
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    . SlappyHandstrong • 4d ago When you decline, don't bring your fiancé into it. Just say you have prior plans.
    via u/SlappyHandstrong
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    eratoast. 4d ago There are still a LOT of people out there who hate their partners/home lives. I WFH and my coworkers are all over the country, but I love spending time with my husband. We've WFH together for the last 5 years, it's been great.
    via u/eratoast
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    ArsArcanum_ • 4d ago I already see these mf's for 8 hour a day. After work is me time.
    via u/ArsArcanum_
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    Ptb1852 4d ago Many people are living a miserable life that they can't stand. Misery loves company
    via u/Ptb1852
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    Stunning-Seaweed... 4d ago You're definitely not crazy. But you're team might think fiancée is controlling and your that's why you don't go out: they may not realize you just genuinly want to spend time with them
    via u/Stunning-Seaweed7070
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    • [deleted] 4d ago To Hol with your coworkers. I've never been into regularly going out for drinks and dinners with a large group of people I only know from work. For the most part, I keep work and personal relationships widely separated. In the time I've been with my company,
    via u/[deleted]
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    there have been a total of FOUR coworkers that I have ever spent time with outside of work hours. This is over a period of 16 years or so and with dozens of employees having worked for the company at any one time and probably a total of 100 or so that have come and gone. Currently we have 31
    via u/[deleted]
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    employees and I have one guy I occasionally grab dinner with. Like me, he is a middle- aged married dude and we grab dinner and a couple beers on a Friday after work, probably every 2-3 months.
    via u/[deleted]
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    PalelnSanora • 4d ago With married men it isn't always about escaping the misery. Sometimes it is about breaking up the routine. I typically don't want to spend time away from my house or with people other than my wife and child. So it is long runs of me and the wife
    via u/PalelnSanora
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    telling each other the same stories, and annoying each other. After 14 years of marriage and a boring job, I do sometimes want some new material. So once in a blue moon I will let someone talk me into doing something outside my rut. Just so I can have something new to say.
    via u/PalelnSanora
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    I am a pragmatic cynic. So for people like OP I can understand and appreciate that they feel that way about their loved one. While in my head muttering give it time boy, just give it time...
    via u/PalelnSanora
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    Slight_Visit_1980 4d ago It's because they're all single. If they were in a 7 year relationship they would probably be doing exactly what you are
    via u/Slight_Visit_1980
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    AnyRush3706 4d ago You're not alone. My husband is my best friend. We've been married for 5 years and people still don't understand that we just genuinely enjoy each other's company more than spending time with coworkers, other friends, or family. I married my best friend and have the best time together. That's all there is to it.
    via u/AnyRush3706
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    • SophiaBrahe 4d ago I used to flat out tell colleagues that I liked my husband more than I liked them. I said it with a smile, but it was true. Eventually my department head started jokingly telling people "oh Sophie is going home because they're still in the honeymoon phase"
    via u/SophiaBrahe
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    I'd been married over 30 years the day he made that joke.
    via u/SophiaBrahe
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    UnlikelyStaff5266 • 3d ago . Your coworkers are losers and jealous of you. Stiffen your spine and tell them politely to off.
    via u/UnlikelyStaff5266
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    Do-TheRight-Thing 3d ago . I worked with a group of guys in sales and only one of them had a strong and healthy relationship. All of the rest were married, had kids or were in long term relationships and they talked
    via u/Do-TheRight-Thing
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    about them like they were a burden and would always say to the happily married one "oh I forget you have a loving marriage". The problem is, they all wanted someone to share their life with but it was the wrong person it's been a few years and at least two of them are now divorced and living a more peaceful life.
    via u/Do-TheRight-Thing
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    Be happy you found your best friend that you can share you're life with OP, they're all just comfortable being miserable & go out to stay away from their unhealthy relationships.
    via u/Do-TheRight-Thing
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    FinalSun6862 · 4d ago • You're not odd. You said it yourself, the majority are single so they probably have nothing to do after work. A
    via u/FinalSun6862
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    It sounds like you have a good balance. And your coworkers. that are married probably have issues at home or don't actually like their partners anymore or maybe both. Who knows, maybe they're just bad partners and want to avoid helping around the house. It sounds like you have a good balance. Just keep doing you.
    via u/FinalSun6862
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    And remember, work is work. Everyone is replaceable at work, but not in personal life. I personally avoid going out after work with colleagues, that time is for my family, hobbies and friends. I can count on one hand how many outings I've gone to in years. And no one has ever told me anything.
    via u/FinalSun6862

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