Outdated mother-in-law’s criticism about raising “soft kids” pushes 32-year-old woman to finally snap: ‘She immediately started crying, saying I was excluding her’

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Apr 2, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Listen, I'll be the first to admit that asking for advice isn't the easiest thing in the world. We all like to believe we've got this whole "life" thing figured out, equipped with our independence and bare-minimum competence. But the truth is, sometimes we need a little help—a gentle nudge, a thoughtful suggestion, a bit of wisdom when we're drowning in uncertainty. And that's why unsolicited advice, especially when it's aggressively shoved down our throats, is so infuriating. If asking for guidance is like cracking open a shell, unsolicited advice is the equivalent of piling weights on top of it, then locking the door with tips, tricks, and unwelcome critiques disguised as care.  

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  • It’s one thing to get a little advice, but it’s another to have someone lurking around, ready to pounce on your every decision with a speech about how “we did it in my day.” Because the harsh truth about advice-giving is that it works best when it’s invited, not dished out like a free sample you didn’t ask for.

    Everyone knows that one person. The self-proclaimed parenting expert, fitness guru, or financial whiz who treats your life like a Fixer Upper, complete with judgment and unsolicited renovation plans. 

    It’s exhausting. And for one mother, it was too much to bear. After years of critique, tips about forcing hugs, and managing the “softness” of her parenting style, she finally snapped at her mother-in-law. Because here’s the thing about advice: it only works when it’s grounded in respect. And sometimes, the best thing you can do with an unsolicited advice dispenser is set boundaries—and politely let them know that parenting in 2025 doesn’t require a time machine to 1975.

  • "AITAH for Finally Losing it on My MIL After her Criticising How We Raise Our Kids?"

    "When I was raising kids, they weren't allowed to be like this"
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  • I (32F) have been married to my husband (34M) for eight years, and we have two kids, a 6-year- old son and a 3-year-old daughter. Ever since our first was
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  • born, my MIL (60F) has had something to say about everything we do as parents. And not in a helpful way.
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  • We try to be gentle parents. We talk to our kids, help them understand their emotions, and dont believe in yelling or punishments just to assert authority or whatever. MIL hates
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  • Raise 'em tough

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  • this. She constantly says we're "raising soft kids" and that "a good smack never did anyone harm." (Uhh, okay, sure)
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  • One of her biggest issues is that we dont make our kids hug or kiss relatives if they don't want to. We've always told them their bodies are theirs and they can say no if they're uncomfortable. MIL thinks this is teaching them to be r de.
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  • Anyway, last weekend we went to a family gathering, and when we arrived, my son didn't want to hug her. He just smiled and said hi instead. MIL immediately went
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  • off about how disrespecful it was and how this is why kids today have no manners. I calmly told her, "We let them decide when they're comfortable with physical affection."
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  • defying your mother-in-law requires Zen

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  • She rolled her eyes and mumbled, Ridiculous. When I was raising kids, they weren't allowed to be like this.
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  • I let it go at first, but later, I overheard her talking to my husband in the kitchen. She was telling him that I was the problem and that he needed to man up and stop me from ruining our kids.
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  • I don't know what snapped in me, but I walked in and just let her have it. I told her I was done with her constant criticism, that we are
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  • raising our kids how we see fit, and if she couldn't respect that, then maybe she didn't need to be so involved in their lives at all.
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  • She immediately started crying, saying I was excluding her and being cruel. But my husband backed me up and told her that she needs to respect our boundaries.
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  • I don't know, maybe I could've handled it better? So... AITAH?
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  • amazinglybella NTA. Setting boundaries for your kids and standing up for them isn't cruel, it's parenting. Your MIL had her turn raising kids her way, now it's your turn to do
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  • what's best for your family. If she can't respect that, then she's the one creating distance, not you. Good on your husband for backing you up!
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  • 1. NTA! I make sure my son knows he's allowed to say "I don't want to give a hug or kiss right now." And I also make sure he knows he doesn't have to apologize for feeling this way. And while he is allowed to feel that way, he needs to be respectful to other
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  • respectful to other people/kids as well if they don't want a hug or kiss at that time. We've told him to offer a high five or fist bump instead. Bodily autonomy is so important and if your MIL can't understand that, then like what you said...she doesn't need to be around.
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  • atticus_trotting NTA. I guess kids during her times werent afforded bodily autonomy. What a sad time that was!
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  • I personally have a MIL who also forced hugs on my child who was clearly not wanting it or was outright saying no. I totally offloaded on her. I still havent seen or talked to MIL since then, and that was more than a year ago. I stand with ya!
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  • Enough-Parking INSTANT CROCODILE TEARS to manipulate her Son? Yeah, next time she says "A Smack never hurt anyone."- SMACK HER!! Then see if she stands by her previous statement.
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family drama inheritance aita AITAH brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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