Parents buy 16-year-old daughter a new car for her birthday, give 19-year-old son a book and a gift card after refusing to help him buy a used car: 'They accused me of being jealous of my sister'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 1, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

Siblings aren't always treated the same. It's not always the best practice for parents to do the same thing for each kid because every child has different needs. You wouldn't give intensive therapy to a kid who doesn't need it just because their older sibling required treatment. On the other hand, it's pretty stinky to pay for one kid's dance classes and not the other's if they also wanted to do it. Life isn't fair, and the family is the first place where you see that in action. 

The prolonged illness of a child can often cause unequal treatment between siblings. The siblings of chronically ill kids, known colloquially as "glass children," are similar to Mr. Cellophane. People look right through them and walk right by them without knowing they're there. Although they may appear strong, they are incredibly fragile (one of the main differences between glass and cellophane). 

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  • One brother of a teenager with cancer found himself in that position, taking care of the household and younger siblings while his parents tended to his sister's needs. When her treatments ended and both of their birthdays arrived, it was clear his needs and wants were still not being prioritized as much as hers.

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    Cheezburger Image 10488455936
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for how I reacted when my parents surprised my 16 year old little sister with a new car for her birthday after she finished her cancer treatment, but bought me a $25 gift card and a book for mine which was just two weeks later?

    My sister was diagnosed with with cancer last year. It has been hard on our family and even harder on her. I love my sister and I tried to be there for her as best as I could. I also did everything | could to make things easier for my parents. I took over all chores, cooked everyday, cleaned the house, did laundry, took care of my younger sibling and babysat them more.
    via u/Alternative-Log-1576
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    Cheezburger Image 10488466688
    via Annie Spratt

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Luckily she is doing really well and has recently finished her treatment which is great and we are all grateful. Our birthdays are two weeks apart and hers was two weeks ago. My parents bought her a new car to celebrate after everything she went through
    via u/Alternative-Log-1576
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    which I understand, she does deserve it but I was a bit surprised because I thought they didn't have any money. My dad has been unwilling to help me get a used car since last year telling me that they do not have the money.
    via u/Alternative-Log-1576
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    I didn't even want him to pay for all of it, I have been saving up and just wanted them to help me with the rest but he kept telling me that they have no money for that. Well my birthday just rolled around and my parents bought me a book that I mentioned in
    via u/Alternative-Log-1576
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    passing and a $25 take out gift card to a place I like. I thanked them but they saw that I wasn't too thrilled and asked me what was wrong.
    via u/Alternative-Log-1576
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    Cheezburger Image 10488466944
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    I told them that while I appreciate the gifts, I thought that they were finally going to help me with the remaining $800 for buying the used car seeing that they could now afford a new car for my sister. But that's when they accused me of being jealous of my sister who had just gone through something very traumatic and that I was trying to
    via u/Alternative-Log-1576
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    make everything about me and why couldn't just be happy for her. They said that at the end of the day I have a job and could just continue saving. Am I the ahle?
    via u/Alternative-Log-1576
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    Jocelyn-1973 INFO: how old are you and what did you get for your 16th birthday?
    via u/Jocelyn-1973
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    Alternative-Log-1576 OP I'm 19. I got new headphones.
    via u/Alternative-Log-1576
  • 13
    Jocelyn-1973 OMG I am so sorry for you. Was everything always about your sister before she became ill too? NTA.
    via u/Jocelyn-1973
  • 14
    midnightsunofabitch NTA but the parents certainly are. bought me a book that I mentioned in passing and a $25 take out gift card to a place I like. I thanked them but they saw that I wasn't too thrilled and asked me what was wrong. This was ducking INFURIATING.
    via u/midnightsunofabitch
  • 15
    Luciferbelle Yeah NTA My parents did me this way, too. My 16th I got a cake and $20 in gas to go look for a job (in my moms car). Then my mom guilt tripped me over the cake. Because my dad "worked overtime time for it, and it was my fault." Both my brothers got used trucks I, both purchased with less than 50k mileage on them. I've always had to buy my own cars, clothes, cellphones, etc. But they provide everything for my brother's. Neither brother is in any way. Totally healthy men. They were ju
    via u/Luciferbelle
  • 16
    This post really took me back. I feel for her. It's a really confusing hurt. It never goes away. You'll realize you weren't jealous like they claim. You'll realize that you're justified in your hurt. They're just gaslighting you, is all.
    via u/Luciferbelle
  • 17
    Grand-Geologist-6288 But maybe we should to consider two things: 1. The whole experience and the relief shook the parents, they thought they'd lose their daughter. It's not about the car, it's about two parents almost losing their daughter and almost their minds. At this moment, it's all about her, there's emotional exaggeration.
    via u/Grand-Geologist-6288
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    2. Idk which cancer she had, but ending the treatment might not be the end of the disease. Shaken by everything they went through, afraid of recurrence. I don't think OP is an AH, he's lived all the bad experience too, he was there for the whole family and he's being rational, he's not asking to be treated better, he's being fair. Just that maybe, they need more time to heal and to get back to normal.
    via u/Grand-Geologist-6288
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    midnightsunofabitch I don't disagree with anything you said about the parents' mindset. But here's where they become the AHs for me. that's when they accused me of being jealous of my sister who had just gone through something very traumatic and that I was trying to make everything about me and why couldn't just be happy for her
    via u/midnightsunofabitch
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    Instead of explaining any of this to OP, or even addressing his feelings, they attacked him, called him jealous and accused him of trying to make HIS OWN BIRTHDAY all about himself. There's no excuse for that.
    via u/midnightsunofabitch
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    SeaPhilosopher3526 Also, do they not realize that the sister having cancer would be traumatic for him as well? They should think of helping with the car as a way to reduce his stress after his sister literally battling cancer and all the while it sounds like he took over completely for the parents ALL WHILE WORKING A JOB
    via u/SeaPhilosopher3526
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    KCatty Exactly. And there's no recognition that OP was part of the sister's recovery, including shouldering many of the burdens so his parents could focus on his sister. Sadly, this isn't uncommon, but still breaks my heart.
    via u/KCatty
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    Bright_Ad_3690 Especially since op wasn't looking for a comparable gift and took on many extra responsibilities in the family so mom and dad could focus on the sister. He was a hero and asked for very little.
    via u/Bright_Ad_3690
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    TemporaryWise1420 This and in the process of being afraid of losing one child and spoiling them they are in fact losing a different child. I hope the parents open their eyes before it's too late if it's not already
    via u/TemporaryWise1420
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    midnightsunofabitch I know it's not really the point, but I have to wonder just how out of reach $800 is for them. I mean they JUST bought their daughter a brand new car, does that mean the power and hot water could go at any moment?
    via u/midnightsunofabitch
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    Babziellia I think it may be more of the helpless child versus the able child in the parents eyes. Mistakes parents make to think, oh, my able child will be alright, so the put 99% of focus on the helpless child. Able children still need love, acknowledgement, support and appreciation from parents.
    via u/Babziellia
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    level27jennybro That's a possibility. They stretched themselves too thin with the car so they can't afford to give more for the birthday. That doesn't make up for being twats about it though.
    via u/level27jennybro
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    One-Employee9235 Yes. They didn't need to buy her a brand new car. They could have bought her a nice used car and given OP the $800 for his car. They went way overboard on one child to the detriment of the other.
    via u/One-Employee9235
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    tinysydneh If you buy one child a brand new car, you do not have the right to say you can't afford to do something vaguely decent for your other children. I don't care if you spread yourself too thin, be intelligent.
    via u/tinysydneh
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    Tommie-1215 Agreed. When you do not treat all children the same it creates resentment. Then to say you don't have the money is even worse because even with great credit most car places want some type of down payment of at least 1000.00. Its like they went out of their way for the child with cancer and forgot about the other. While I am truly happy she is recovering that does not justify treating the other child less than and telling him that he is jealous. A gift card for $25.00 and a book is ju
    via u/Tommie-1215

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family drama presents brother teenagers siblings bad parenting bad parents parenting raising teens family sibling sister Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS
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