Daycare teacher refuses to feed 2-year-old applesauce because it's 'too messy,' doesn't tell mom until she confronts them about it: 'A part of me understands. Another part of me feels like this is kind of lazy?'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 1, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Little kids are the messiest monsters that ever lived, and there's nothing you or I can do to stop that. I do not expect a two or three-year-old to be able to fully cut their chicken parmesan and eat it without transferring at least 40% of the bird onto their shirt, and neither should you! They are literally learning how to do everything from scratch, and their hands have minimal experience with transferring foodstuffs from their plates to their mouths. They had mom and dad do that for them for their first year, so they're true beginnings at the skill of eating. I admire any toddler who eats with both hands and gets at least half of their meal into their stomach without problems. They're doing a lot better than a lot of adults who have been eating for decades and still can't figure out how to do it right. 

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  • The daycare teacher in this story is such a hater for denying a 2-year-old the right to feed herself some nice, messy applesauce. The teacher insisted it was “too messy,” without telling the mom that her kid wouldn't be fully fed her lunch on the grounds of messiness. How absurd…

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    via Tanaphong Toochinda

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    Is it normal for daycare to refuse to serve something because it may be "too messy"?

    My daughter is 2 and has been in daycare for a few months. They ask that we provide all food and drink. They have 2 snacktimes and then a lunch period. I send one thing per snack and then either send a sandwich and a
    via u/joydie2
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    hearty side or some kind of main dish that will fill her enough for lunch. This went on for a bit with zero issues. Then, on Thursday, I sent her with a hearty sandwich and applesauce cup for lunch, including a spoon for the applesauce. When I opened her
    via u/joydie2
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    lunchbox that night, I noticed that the applesauce was untouched. It wasn't even opened. This isn't the first time this has happened. I notice they never seem to give her the applesauce cup or if I send yogurt tubes. Yet, if I send pouches with that stuff, those will be eaten.
    via u/joydie2
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    On Friday, I asked why the applesauce wasn't touched. Did my daughter not want it? They said no, it's just "too messy". My daughter is a very messy eater, there's no doubt. I kind of just let her do her thing to explore and if she gets distracted, I'll step in and feed her the rest. I understand
    via u/joydie2
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    they can't feed her here and wouldn't expect that, but she can feed at least some to herself. They say until she's not as "wild" with food, I need to send pouches. Same with yogurt, she squeezes the tube all over the place and lunchtime is messy enough and it'd just "make their lives easier".
    via u/joydie2
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    A part of me understands. Another part of me feels like this is kind of lazy? But of course I don't have to deal with 8 toddlers and their messes, just the one. I just kind of nodded along and thankfully, hadn't packed any applesauce cups or yogurt tubes for lunch that day. But a part of me is a little annoyed. Is this normal?
    via u/joydie2
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    ABCD FCH
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    acoolsnail At every center I've worked at, this would count as withholding food, which is obviously not allowed. Toddlers are very messy eaters! It's just a fact of life. They should be offering your child whatever you pack.
    via u/acoolsnail
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    Elismom1313 I also wonder if there's an app? Usually they will let you know if there's a reason they can't or won't serve a food item but maybe I'm used to that because of the app. I'm not sure if my old center would've called since they didn't use an app.
    via u/Elismom1313
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    JaHa 183 If a parent sends food with a child, I serve it while following food policies. I agree that does sound fairly lazy. I'd much rather clean up applesauce instead of rice
    via u/JaHa183
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    Sea-Aside7496 We have a child that brings rice b lls almost every day. I hate the rice but we would never tell the parents not to send that. Thats what the child likes to eat, so we have the child help clean up the rice.
    via u/Sea-Aside7496
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    kurogomatora I've babysat and subbed preschool. Unless another child has an airborne allergy (eg smelling nuts or citrus was weirdly common ) we couldn't withhold food from a child and especially never tell them that they were bad at eating. We could show manners and model cleaner eating but that's wild they just had her go without her food. It's our job to help them clean up.
    via u/kurogomatora
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    mossyapples That is wild! At my center we provide lunch and the other day we had tomato soup. For a group of 12 to 18 months, you can imagine how messy that was. There are usually 7 to 10 kids in my room, and I can't spoon feed everyone. They have to practice that by themselves. That's why we ask the parents to bring in extra clothes.
    via u/mossyapples
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    MasPerrosPorFavor My child's teacher would always apologize for my daughter having food on her shirt, or sand/dirt on it. I always laughed. She's a toddler. If she came home clean I would be very concerned. Dirty means she practiced feeding herself and had fun.
    via u/MasPerrosPorFavor
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    No-Percentage2575 Could you maybe send a shirt or apron that they dress her in? Then they send the messy clothes home. My son is in an infant classroom they dress him in a paint apron every feeding. To me as a parent and teacher that is lazy and considered withholding food. When I worked at a setting where every thing was packed by the families, I always gave everything because I was always told to not offer is to withhold unless the child says they are full or do not want it. Then we made a sti
    via u/No-Percentage2575
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    Empty_Land_1658 An apron is such a great idea! I think it's unfair that so many people are assuming it's lazy when in my experience, some kids don't like being changed and are upset by it, so avoiding unnecessary changes might be about that. It's of course not okay for them to withhold food, but assuming why they're doing that doesn't seem productive.
    via u/Empty_Land_1658
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    _Honeydew_9903 No, it IS lazy not an assumption. If a child has a problem with changing their clothes to the point of withholding messy foods being the solution, then the parents shld have been told ab the problem. Really, in any scenario they shld have told the parents what was going so they cld try to work on it from their end as well. "Making your day easier” and just waiting for the parent to ask ab it is lazy.
    via u/_Honeydew_9903
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    bunhilda Wait were they just not going to tell you about the issue unless you brought it up? That's odd...
    via u/bunhilda
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    Larson_234 We have a little guy who is similar. We would never consider not giving him the food his parent provided. I find this shocking and it's even a red flag that they were so unapologetic about the situation. If I heard my team did this, I'd be very upset. My honest thought is "how dare them!”.
    via u/Larson_234
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    Apart_Piccolo3036 They are withholding food. That's not okay. If they want to dictate what food can be served, they need to provide it. Otherwise, they need to serve what they have been provided, per their policy. You might want to clarify with the director what the policy is, regarding "messy" food. If there's nothing in the policy regarding packaging/messy food, then you have every right to send it and they can just deal with cleaning her up. Letting her go hungry to avoid the mess is unaccept
    via u/Apart_Piccolo3036
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    ddouchecanoe Okay, it is technically withholding food and lazy, but I think an additional distinction needs to be made in regards to if you should send that type of applesauce again and push the issue or not. Does your child mostly feed it to herself and usually do okay, or is it a practically 100% guarantee that she will either dump it everyone or practically bathe in it? Because I would give it to her, but if it was just spilled all over her requiring and entire outfit change every time she ha
    via u/ddouchecanoe
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    Also- what state do you live in? The state I currently live in allows 22 2 year olds for a two person classroom which is a CRAZY high ratio. The state I previously lived in (and have taught in) that number was a max of 16 that was just dropped down to 10 for under 2.5years and 14 for 2.5+.
    via u/ddouchecanoe
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    If I had a classroom of 22 two year olds I would probably not have the capacity to serve a kid something I knew was going to demand an entire educators attention for 10+ mins over and over. Imagine looking at a tub of apple sauce in a kids lunch bag and knowing it means you will have a huge mess to clean up and one of you will have to supervise 21 toddlers mostly on your own for any number of minutes.
    via u/ddouchecanoe

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