"You don't want people to outshine you in your own pictures": 24-year-old refuses to be bridesmaid after vain sister admits to choosing bridal party based on "unphotogenic" appearances

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Apr 11, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Being chosen to be part of the bridal party is supposed to be a really big honor. Usually, it indicates that the bride values and trusts you, that you are in her "inner circle" of close relationships. Bridesmaids are responsible for supporting their bride-to-be friend during the months leading up to the wedding as as on the day of. Sure, weddings are supposed to be one of the happiest days of anyone's life, but there is a lot of stress that goes into the occasion, and many overwhelmed brides need designated people to lean on.

In our story today, a woman chooses her bridesmaids based on their appearances. She doesn't pick her prettiest or slimmest friends – as many vain brides tend to do as well. Instead, she picks friends that she has personally deemed as "unphotogenic" so that no one will "upstage her" in the wedding pictures. When her sister catches wind of her intentions, she backs out of her bridesmaid duties and informs the other chosen ladies as well. 

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  • 01

    AITA refusing be my sister's bridesmaid because she chose "ugly friends make herself look better?

    Cheezburger Image 10492661760
    via Helgy

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My sister (27F) is getting married and asked me (24F) to be one of her bridesmaids. I was excited - until I found out who the rest of the bridal party was. -
    via u/Smart-Gas3600
  • 03
    Every single one of them is someone she's either not that close to, or has made fun of before for being "awkward" or "not photogenic." Some of her actual best friends - the ones who she sees all the time — weren't even asked. -
    via u/Smart-Gas3600
  • 04
    Pride
    via GladiusStock

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    It felt weird, so I asked her why she picked this group. She kind of laughed and said, "You'll understand when it's your wedding. You don't want people who'll outshine you in your own pictures."
    via u/Smart-Gas3600
  • 06
    I just stared at her. I asked, "So you picked them because you think they'll make you look better?" She rolled her eyes and said, "It's not that deep. I just want to feel confident that day, and I'm allowed to be a little selfish for my wedding."
    via u/Smart-Gas3600
  • 07
    That rubbed me the wrong way. I told her I didn't want to be part of a bridal party built on tearing other people down - even subtly - and that she should've picked people she actually cares about.
    via u/Smart-Gas3600
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10492625920
    via Alexandr Baitelman from Getty Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    Now she's calling me judgmental and sensitive, and our mom says I'm being "too idealistic" and should just support her. But I feel like going along with it makes me complicit. AITA?
    via u/Smart-Gas3600
  • 10
    NTA. secondarytrash Some may disagree, but I don't do the 'they're family, so I must comply even with things I don't agree with because they're family/it's their day'
    via u/secondarytrash
  • 11
    They're saying you're being judgmental, but they're literally making a judgment that anyone else would be the center of attention, but the bride.
    via u/secondarytrash

  • Our protagonist is realizing that her sister is a total mean girl, enabled by her family. Sounds like she always new this, but didn't realize how extensive her catty behavior extended. 

  • 12
    Reasonable_Bat_3178 NTA OP. Why would you want to feel self-conscious and ugly all day just to make your shallow, selfish sister feel better. Way to go on your sister's behalf. Talk about sucking all the joy and good wishes out of you on her big day.
    via u/Reasonable_Bat_3178
  • 13
    ChirpWillowBiscuit You're absolutely right!!!! refusing to go along with something that makes you feel complicit in tearing others down isn't judgmental, it's having values. OP shouldn't have to stand beside
    via u/ChirpWillowBiscuit
  • 14
    someone who deliberately chose her bridal party based on appearance rather than actual friendship. Wanting to feel confident is one thing, but doing it at others' expense? That's just mean- spirited.
    via u/ChirpWillowBiscuit
  • 15
    Constant-Spring-3753 It's not being judgmental to have some basic decency. She's literally picking people based on looks, that's way more shallow. Just 'cause it's family doesn't mean you have to go along with something that feels messed up.
    via u/Constant-Spring-3753
  • 16
    vibeshop NTA so what does this mean about how she thinks - of you? And clearly she doesn't think much about herself? It's so sad that women are pushed to feel and act this way when this would likely not be happening to so many grooms. Applause to you for saying something and not participating.
    via u/vibeshop
  • 17
    Smart-Gas3600 OP She's always been like this. I am rather curvy and she has never failed to shame me for it. She is a typical modelesque skinny person. And she got a lot of attention growing up. She's beautiful, no doubt. But yes. I have a good looking partner and she has subtly hinted that he could do better than me. I don't see what she has to be insecure about.
    via u/Smart-Gas3600
  • 18
    She's objectively good looking. As for my appearance, I like the way I look. I'm comfortable with it. I just don't see why she feels the need to bring others down to make herself feel better.
    via u/Smart-Gas3600
  • 19
    Lovemybee One of my favorite retorts, when someone criticizes me for something, is, "Does that make you feel better about yourself?" My guess is, that's why she does it: It makes her feel better about herself. I wouldn't want to hang around with anyone like that, either.
    via u/Lovemybee
  • 20
    AVeryBrownGirlNerd NTA. I would be extremely hurt if a loved one or someone I thought wanted me to be part of their special day asked me to be part of something like the wedding party, but to be used as a pawn like this.
    via u/AVeryBrownGirlNerd
  • 21
    It is mean girl / catty behavior. Yes, she deserves to feel beautiful on her special day, but she's ugly on the inside for doing this, even if no one else knows. Stay strong.
    via u/AVeryBrownGirlNerd
  • 22
    lankyturtle229 Nta and I'd send a message to those girls. Questions will definitely come up why none of her core group were asked and why her sister left. Because she lumped you right in with them.
    via u/lankyturtle229
  • 23
    Smart-Gas3600 OP I actually did. I made a group with all these people (There's a group already but she's in it.) Two of them said that they did not want to be participating in this capacity anymore but were fine attending. One person said that they weren't coming to the wedding altogether. Some still haven't responded.
    via u/Smart-Gas3600

  • Good on her for informing the rest of the bridal party. I would be mortified to find out I was chosen for this reason, and having the ability to back out would be empowering.

  • 24
    Cheezburger Image 10492625664
    via Jacqueline James from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 25
    slap-a-frap NTA - tell the other Bridesmaids then post an update (gets popcorn ready)
    via u/slap-a-frap
  • 26
    Smart-Gas3600 OP I did tell them. Two have refused to be bridesmaids now. One backed off altogether from the wedding. The rest haven't reacted yet.
    via u/Smart-Gas3600
  • 27
    michaelmoby TELL THE FIANCÉ!!! Does he have any idea of the type of narcissism he's in for for the rest his life? Does he have any idea that his soon to be wife is so shallow and hurtful? He needs to know before the wedding bc I guarantee it's going to get a much needed conversation going.
    via u/michaelmoby
  • 28
    Icy Finger_6950 "It's not that deep" - correct, it's incredibly shallow. "I'm entitled to be selfish because it's my wedding" is such a mindset. - 100% NTA. Your sister is a very ugly person on the inside.
    via u/Icy_Finger_6950
  • 29
    oregonchick Exactly. It's a party, not a coronation. If you choose to make your big day about entitlement and selfishness, instead of celebrating love and commitment with the important people in your life, I worry what your marriage will be like.
    via u/oregonchick
  • 30
    Snarkybish03 Nta...so she thinks you're uglier than her too? Ouch
    via u/Snarkybish03
  • 31
    Smart-Gas3600 OP She always has. It did get to me growing up. She has been conventionally attractive and never failed to rub it in my face that I supposedly am not. I don't feel bad about my body anymore. I like the way I look. But yes, that took a lot to deal with.
    via u/Smart-Gas3600

Tags

family drama bride wedding drama bridesmaids toxic sisters siblings relationships wedding love entitled family sister Maid Of Honor
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