37-year-old boyfriend refuses to contribute to girlfriend's mortgage despite him living there full-time: 'I pay almost $1200 in mortgage and all the bills are under my name'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 11, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Sometimes, when you're with someone for a long time, you might find that you sort of accidentally live with them. You're spending the night most nights, and you realize it has been weeks since you've been home. You didn't talk about moving in together, but you just sort of do. And this can happen under your nose despite all your best intentions. And it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Maybe you wanted to live together anyway and now you can do so without the pressure of putting a label on it and making it a big deal. You can be low-key about it.

The problem arises, though, when you start to think about money. Why is it always money that gums up the works? If we all had enough of it, then maybe everything would be okay. But we live in the real world and that's not going to happen.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10492874240
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The situation this couple found themselves in turned out to be one of those. They were living together, but one of them was taking on the brunt of the financial burden. But when she tried to point this out, she wasn't treated with the respect she deserved. Read on for the details and see what you think.

  • 02

    AITA for expecting my partner to help out with rent?

    My (37 m) partner and I (35 f) have been together for almost 3 years. I have a daughter and he has no kids.When we met, I was still in nursing school, not working so I wasn't making any money. He knew this, and he has a pretty good job so he would pay for everything when we would go out.
    via u/Successful-Onion-872
  • 03
    Shortly after we became official, he had me pay for some of the times we would go out, which is fine. I get it. It just kinda sucked because I was not working and short on money but it is what it is.
    via u/Successful-Onion-872
  • 04
    Fastforward to now, I still pay for everything for my daughter and I don't mind that, it's my responsibility. We take turns. paying for stuff when we go out so it's okay.
    via u/Successful-Onion-872
  • 05
    He never officially moved in, but he slowly started staying over longer and longer. He hasn't stayed at his place in almost a year. He works as a lineman so he would travel around a lot. Didn't have an apartment but he has an RV he owns and pays $400 a month for the lot. I bought a house
    via u/Successful-Onion-872
  • 06
    almost two years before we met and I pay almost $1200 in mortgage and all the bills are under my name, of course. I eventually talked him into helping me pay some of the bills since he hadn't offered. We came to an agreement that he would pay 1/3 since it's me and my daughter and it's just him with no kids, but he
    via u/Successful-Onion-872
  • 07
    wasn't excited about that. He doesn't think he should help me pay for my mortgage at all because he says I'm the one building equity on it and when I sell it, the money will be mine. Which is true, but I don't think it's necessary fair. He makes pretty good money ($20/hr. more than me, to be exact) but still doesn't offer to pay for anything other than half of the times we go out.
    via u/Successful-Onion-872
  • 08
    Whenever anything in the house needs fixing, I'm the one paying for it and he never offers to pay any part of it. WIBTA for asking again to give me some money for rent since he gets to live in my home? ETA: he justifies not paying rent and only paying 1/3 of the bills since he now drives an hour to and from work and pays the extra gas it's costing him (his RV is an hour away, which is where his work is as well).
    via u/Successful-Onion-872
  • 09

    Commenters were quick to take her side.

    Rare_Sugar_7927 • 11h ago Don't phrase it as paying the mortgage. He should be paying rent, which you use to offset the cost of repairs and maintenance to the house.
    via u/Rare_Sugar_7927
  • 10
    NTA but its time for a sit down conversation about living arrangements and who is paying for what. If he is living there, give him a tenancy agreement stating how much and when he pays and conditions for termination of the agreement. Can he park the RV at your place and pay you the 400 instead? Or if there's RV isn't needed since he's living with you, will he sell it?
    via u/Rare_Sugar_7927
  • 11
    Objective_Purpos... • 10h ago Single mother, completes nursing degree, launches and maintains highly responsible and demanding career and purchases own home. Maintains the home and keeps the household running. Dude who lives with her sometimes: serves no purpose.
    via u/Objective_Purpose768
  • 12
    What was the question? You are NTA but with respect, you might be supporting a second child you didn't know you'd signed up for.
    via u/Objective_Purpose768
  • 13
    OR ot
    via Joel Drzycimski

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14
    JaneKellyFtrump • 11h ago . Out of curiosity, when he is there who cooks and cleans and takes care of the house?
    via u/JaneKellyFtrump
  • 15
    Successful-Onion-872 OP. 10h ago Sometimes he cooks, but for the most part it's me. We pretty much buy groceries separately but he'll offer me some of his food and vice versa. That part is okay. Cleaning, he does help out a lot but we both do it and are expected to.
    via u/Successful-Onion-872
  • 16
    Prior_Lobster_5240 • 11h ago NTA The whole "paying towards the mortgage and getting equity" argument is so dumb. He's paying $400 a month on a lot somewhere, right? He mad that his landlord is using that $400 to increase their equity?
    via u/Prior_Lobster_5240
  • 17
    If most of his stuff is at your house, then he needs to pay rent. The $400 a month is basically RV storage. He lives in your house, he needs to pay rent there. Just paying towards bills also doesn't make sense. If he had an apartment he'd be paying rent/mortgage and utilities. This is no different
    via u/Prior_Lobster_5240
  • 18
    If he doesn't want to pay anything more than he is paying right now, he needs to move back into his RV and just visit you when invited.
    via u/Prior_Lobster_5240
  • 19
    Forward_Excuse_... 11h ago I'm confused. Is he paying the 1/3 he agreed to or not? If he is, you WBTA. If not, I think you need to ask if he is really your person or if he is using you and you are letting him.
    via u/Forward_Excuse_6133
  • 20
    As for paying for half your outings pick ones that are less expensive. Go on picnics, go for walks, whatever is fun time together. There is nothing wrong with takeout and movie night at the house. If he doesn't like it you can tell him you are staying in your budget since you have responsibilities he doesn't. If he wants more that is what you can ask him to pay for.
    via u/Forward_Excuse_6133
  • 21
    WorldlinessSolid8... . 11h ago Get rid of him! He's just crashing at your place free of rent. If he's not going to assist financially for living there, then charge him a nightly rate lol. Nothing's free.
    via u/WorldlinessSolid83609
  • 22
    Illustrious-Coat8677 • 11h ago How much time is he . spending at your place? Is he gone for work a lot or does he come back to your place every night?
    via u/Illustrious-Coat8677
  • 23
    Jaya-7 11h ago NTA. It shouldn't matter whether you own your home or not. You still have to pay either rent or mortgage to have a place to live. If he's over at your home and not contributing or doesn't want to, he can stay at his.
    via u/Jaya-7
  • 24
    R... 10h ago Edited 10h ago NTA - You're a single mom doing your best to support your daughter, and this guy thinks he should be able to crash at your place for free? Absolutely not. It's time to cut him loose and focus on what really matters-your daughter.
    via u/RelativeConfusion504
  • 25
    You don't need a grown toddler freeloading off you. You're working hard on your future and deserve so much better. What does he even bring to the relationship? As for his drive time, that's his choice to work there. You shouldn't be penalized for it.
    via u/RelativeConfusion504
  • 26
    You and your baby girl do not this type of stress. You should be proud that you worked for and bought your own home. Go live your best life, without him. Edit - Also Utilities...I am guessing he showers and uses water and electricity. Nothing is free.
    via u/RelativeConfusion504
  • 27
    • EmceeSuzy 11h ago YWNBTA He is a freeloader and a stingy person. He is living in your home rent free. Whether you own it or someone else, living in a home is not free. And he still doesn't even pick up the check when you go out?
    via u/EmceeSuzy

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long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage aita relationship relationship status living together money problems relationship-drama reddit story relationships story reddit thread Reddit healthy relationship
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