23-year-old excludes mom's “opinionated” new boyfriend from graduation party after he insults her degree in social work: 'Why invite someone who isn't supportive?'

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    AITA not inviting my mom's new husband my graduation dinner? Advice Needed

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    I (23F) just finished my master's degree in social work a few weeks ago. It was a really big deal for me -first in my family to get a graduate degree, and I worked full-time during school just to make it
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    happen. So, my close friends and I planned a small dinner the weekend after graduation to celebrate. I invited my dad, my two younger brothers, my best friend, and a couple of classmates I'm close with. I also invited my mom-but not her husband, Doug.
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    CONGRATS Graduate 2018
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    For context, my mom remarried about six months ago. She and Doug started dating pretty fast after her divorce from my dad (like within two months), which was already kind of jarring. But I've been
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    trying to be polite and open. That said, Doug and I... don't exactly click. He's very opinionated, loud in conversations, and kind of dismissive of anything he doesn't agree with.
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    At Thanksgiving, he made a comment about my degree being "woke nonsense" and said something like, "Hopefully you'll find a real job someday." My mom laughed awkwardly, didn't say anything, and I just kind of swallowed it for the sake of the holiday. But that really stuck with me.
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    So, when I was putting together this dinner, I made a choice to invite my mom but not extend the invite to Doug. I didn't say "he's not allowed" or anything -I just worded the message so it was clear it was for her, not her and a plus-one. I figured if she really needed to bring him, we'd cross that bridge.
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    Well, she declined the invite and told me later she felt "excluded" and like I was "punishing her for being happy." I explained my reasons-how this was a small, personal dinner, and I didn't feel comfortable having Doug there. I even offered to do a separate lunch or something with her and Doug another time.
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    She wasn't interested. Now she's not talking to me, and my aunt (her sister) says I should've "just sed it up" because he's part of her life now and I'm being disrespectful.
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    I'm honestly torn. I didn't want to make this dinner about anything other than celebrating my graduation. But maybe I did make it weird. Was I being petty or was I just setting a boundary? AITA?
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    Ok-Meringue6107 k it NTA - ask your aunt why you have to "just s up" when its a celebration for you? Your mum should "sk it up" and support her daughter. The dinner is about your achievement and those who support you, your mother's husband is not one of those, so why invite someone who isn't supportive.
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    Legitimate-Radio9244 OP thank you this really hit. i've been feeling lowkey guilty but also just... tired of being the one expected to "keep the peace." i just wanted a moment surrounded by people who actually support me. appreciate your words a lot
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    Writerhowell You're expected to keep the peace because the bad guys are never expected to change. It's always the people who are actually right in these situations - the ones who aren't the a- - holes who have to give and give while the selfish take and take, because it's easier than telling the selfish people "No".
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    ElleSmith3000 This. You worked so hard for this achievement. Why would you invite someone who insults it and all your work? Also-you didn't say this but would your dad have been comfortable with Doug there? Anyway it's your celebration, be proud of yourself
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    ChevronSugarHeart I think mom is feeling idiotic for marrying a social buffoon but doesn't want to deal with it so it's easier to say her daughter is the j she knows her husband's an a even though
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    msgeffenmage If we're celebrating you, why bring someone who thinks 'support' is just a fancy word for 'sitting in the corner'? Tell your aunt that at celebrations, we only invite those who can cheer louder than the crickets!
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    YEGredditOilers NTA. The woke nonsense comment is all the reason you need to exclude this guy.
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    Legitimate-Radio9244 OP right?? like that one comment told me everything i needed to know. i just wanted one peaceful night without dealing with that energy
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    oceanteeth And if he thinks it's "woke nonsense" why on earth would he even want to come? There's a solid argument that OP did a kind thing by not making the guy scramble to find an excuse not to come to an event he obviously wouldn't enjoy.
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    Tell your mom, "We'll miss you during dinner, but I have earned this celebration and only want to be surrounded by people who supported me on this journey. That is not Doug. If you feel you have to
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    put his feelings above celebrating your daughter, that's your choice. But know this decision will affect future celebrations I may host and who I choose to, and not to, invite." (Basically, let her know that her actions will have consequences.)
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    General Rip7904 NTA you are celebrating something he has tried to put you down about
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    Legitimate-Radio9244 OP exactly. it felt wrong to have someone there who openly belittled the thing i worked so hard for. i wanted the night to feel proud, not defensive.

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