Mother-in-law pushes couple away after they refuse to let her cook for the wedding rehearsal dinner despite having no experience in catering: “We're over the drama”

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Apr 19, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

Everyone has that special dish that their mother makes that they crave when they need a bit of comfort. When I was growing up, my mom would make a black bean soup that was just so rich and hearty that a single bowl would fill me up instantly. Of course, it was always served with some tortillas, avocado, and cheese on the side. I've tried to make black bean soup as an adult, and while I'd say my results are pretty successful, it never really tastes like the one my mom makes. 

In our story today, a groom-to-be's mom is intent on incorporating her cooking in her son's wedding rehearsal dinner. Problem is, the couple already paid for catering, and even if they hadn't, MIL has no experience in catering and seems to be planning to just wing it. When the bride-to-be takes to the internet to ask for advice on how to deal with the disappointed mother-in-law, she receives some pretty sound advice from netizens. Scroll down to read it all. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10495506688
    via Lunarts Studio

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My fiancé and I want to cater our rehearsal dinner with a local restaurant and it isn't too expensive. My thought process is that it's easy, good food, and no one involved in the actual rehearsal is in charge of
    via u/fancyraspberry1
  • 03
    making food for it. The caterers can just show up and bring the food, and it's a done deal. My parents, MIL, SIL, and BIL all offered to pay before any formal plan was made for the food.
    via u/fancyraspberry1
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    Cheezburger Image 10495506432
    via LElik83

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    My MIL and SIL are h I bent that they want to make frozen lasagnas and salad to bring to the rehearsal dinner so they feel like they are contributing to the wedding. My fiancé and I don't want this. What if
    via u/fancyraspberry1
  • 06
    the food isn't ready in time and now the timeline is messed up? How is it going to stay warm/cold (no ovens or fridges for food use are at the venue), etc.
    via u/fancyraspberry1

  • This is why people get catering – so that their guests won't miss the ceremony while having to be responsible for the food themselves.

  • 07
    With all that being said, my MIL is p ed that we don't want them to make food for the rehearsal and is pushing my fiancé and I away because of it. She is upset we "aren't involving her (or my SIL)" in
    via u/fancyraspberry1
  • 08
    anything. The reason being I don't need unsolicited advice or opinions on things they didn't offer to pay for (flowers, whatever else). To be frank, I haven't really involved my own mom or family for the same reason.
    via u/fancyraspberry1
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    Cheezburger Image 10495505920
    via Yuki KONDO

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  • 10
    What do I do? At this rate my fiancé and I just want to eat the cost of catering the rehearsal dinner because we are over the drama.
    via u/fancyraspberry1
  • 11
    Turbulent-Move4159 Yes. Do it your way. Tell them thanks but no thanks. Perhaps they can bring the wine/beer or make decorations for the rehearsal dinner?
    via u/Turbulent-Move4159
  • 12
    hostess_cupcake This is a good idea. "Thanks MIL. We've got the food covered but we need someone to organize decorations and I'd appreciate your help."
    via u/hostess_cupcake
  • 13
    zozbo Desserts, ask them for homemade cookies, cupcakes, cannoli's, Biscotti, baked goods are the heart of many meals.
    via u/zozbo
  • 14
    C3p0boe79 This is a really good idea. There are a lot of dessert options you can make ahead and store at room temp for hours or days. In law are still overstepping and that needs to be addressed but hopefully this works as a compromise in the meantime.
    via u/C3p0boe79
  • 15
    Responsible Dish2525 This is a great compromise.
    via u/ResponsibleDish2525
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    Cheezburger Image 10495506176
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  • 17
    m50ud It's not about the food. The MIL is using it as a form of control. OP should not be giving the MIL ammo.
    via u/m50ud

  • It might be about control, but our protagonist hasn't really indicated that her MIL has attempted to exert this level of control in other areas of her life before. It seems like coming up with a compromise – such as baking desserts – would be a sound way to deal with this situation. 

  • 18
    zozbo This is not about ammo or anything else, it sounds more like the groom's family have tradition's around participation of the groom's family in their children's weddings. For my family it was very similar. When my daughter was married her mother in law had very explicit thoughts regarding the rehearsal dinner and
    via u/zozbo
  • 19
    something that is traditional in Pittsburgh PA a cookie table at the wedding, I'd never heard of one. Traditionally it is the groom's family NOT the brides that host the rehearsal dinner, she has taken away an important tradition for her in laws.
    via u/zozbo
  • 20
    NOT all in laws are over bearing as not all brides are spoiled brat bridziallas. Compromise is the key to family unity and years of peaceful coexistence.
    via u/zozbo
  • 21
    RestlesslyWizardly I would tell them you appreciate the thought and put them on a task later. Maybe to find pretty centerpieces or a florist or something. Tell them you already paid the deposit for the caterer and you're
    via u/RestlesslyWizardly
  • 22
    excited for them to come. It's likely they're not angry and they just want to be apart of their son and future daughters big day. It's likely frustration there's no spot for them and some melancholy watching son/brother get married.
    via u/RestlesslyWizardly
  • 23
    SpecialistClear5463 This is the right answer. Most family member just like to be included. My sister left me out of her wedding party when I was 12 and I still feel that!
    via u/SpecialistClear5463
  • 24
    cerulean-moonlight Since it sounds like you can cover the cost, I'd just place the catering order for what you want and tell them the decision has been made. It's crazy they are acting like that over the food for someone else's event!
    via u/cerulean-moonlight
  • 25
    You could try to find a way to make them happy and find a way for them to contribute but they sound pretty unreasonable so idk how likely that is.
    via u/cerulean-moonlight
  • 26
    HamsterKitchen5997 Well, they are paying for it, so it's not crazy to act like this over your own money. I think OP is a bit bratty for telling them where, what, and how much of their money to spend and then being annoyed when they come back with something more financially manageable for themselves.
    via u/HamsterKitchen5997
  • 27
    QuitaQuites Why isn't she talking to her son about this?
    via u/QuitaQuites
  • 28
    QueenOfNeon To be fair they weren't "making food" if they're cooking frozen lasagnas.
    via u/QueenOfNeon
  • 29
    Broad Pomegranate141 It isn't about the food. It's about their feeling left out. Be gracious about it. Tell them TYSM but the catering won't allow outside food. Then offer some task for them to do so they feel an included and as if they are part of the festivities.
    via u/Broad_Pomegranate141
  • 30
    Waffling Toast Agree. Ask them to feed the hordes of out of town family coming over for the informal meals. Play it up as you need their participation at the rehearsal dinner, not worrying about the food.
    via u/WafflingToast
  • 31
    Crosswired2 Your fiance should handle this. Can they throw you a shower instead? That would be a good opportunity for them to do exactly what they want - make food for a party.
    via u/Crosswired2
  • 32
    WillaLane In our family, someone always hosts a day after the wedding brunch for out of town guests who are still in town or to attend just before heading home, would something like that work to give them a bit of purpose. If the bride and groom are still in town they usually attend too
    via u/WillaLane

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wholesome family drama bride groom wedding party relationships wedding advice catering couples mother in law love family weddings
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