‘It’s kinda my thing': 45-year-old eldest sister spends 10 years hosting every family event, then flips out when her sibling suggests a holiday at her house instead, childish feud ensues

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Apr 22, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

Most of us would be thrilled to relinquish the burden of hosting, but after 10 years of making family parties her entire personality, this older sister wouldn't let go. 

Competitive sisterly relationships are hard to avoid. Constantly at odds and growing up pitted against one another, it's tough not to get stuck in the endless loop of the comparison game. Oftentimes, sisters will find that one thing that becomes 'their thing' in an attempt to set themselves apart from their sibling, but this 45-year-old woman, and the eldest of 2 daughters, would realize that she'd taken things too far for over a decade. 

Family holidays always get a little bit dicey for one reason or another. As adults, we've all gone our separate ways and lived our own lives according to our prerogative, but when we're back with family, it feels like we're 8 years old again. Perhaps that's why the grown woman in this next tale started acting like a childish baby when her sister suggested the unthinkable: Sharing holiday hosting responsibility. 

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  • "AITA for quickly shutting down my sister after trying to change tradition?"

    I (45F) hosted my family's Easter dinner at my house last Friday evening. (we don't do it on Sunday because we all go to church together and some of my family works after). Usually, most
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  • of my moms side comes and there's a lot of us, lots of aunts, cousins, grandkids, you name it. I have quite a big house with a big backyard. I have two kids and there's a playroom in my
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  • basement. When I got the house about 10 years ago, most of my family said that I should host because my house was perfect for it. I took it as a compliment and started hosting most family
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  • events for the past 10ish years. I love to host and I love getting all of my family together, it's kinda my thing. My sister (42F) and I have always had a competitive relationship,
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  • but still a very loving one. She always wanted to up me in grades or in sports when we were younger. Then in our 20s she always wanted to be the first in major accomplishments like
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  • marriage or kids. When I started hosting, she would make sarcastic digs on my hosting skills like food or conversations. she even told me she thought she would be a better host in a
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  • private conversation. I still very much love my sister, but sometimes I think she envies me with how she treats me. as Easter was wrapping up, and everyone was saying their long
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  • goodbyes (midwest goodbyes LOL), my sister decided to make a little announcement right before she walked out the door. Something along the lines of before I leave, I wanted to say I'm going to host 4th of july this
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  • year!" I was quite surprised because she had not told me this and she knows quite well that I have been hosting every holiday. most of the family didn't really know what to say because it was just out of the blue.
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  • Now, this is where I might be the a h le. I quickly said "Oh, sorry (sisters name), but I was already planning on hosting since I've been doing that for the past decade." I wasn't trying to come
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  • off as overly mean, but I also didn't want to get walked on and just give up to my sister's action. She quickly shot back about how she wants to "take some pressure off my back" and how I
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  • don't need to do everything all the time. The way she said it felt mean and snarky. So I told her that I didn't feel pressure since I'm used to it, and then if she wants to host, she should let me
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  • know ahead of time instead of two months before hand. We both were being a little bit snarky and passive aggressive. After my comment, she said "ok well, maybe Thanksgiving!" and left.
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  • I plan on texting my sister about it soon, but I have not talked to her since. I felt bad because I had done it in front of my family, and I got a couple text afterwards asking if I was OK and that she
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  • shouldn't try to break tradition. Whilst my parents (specifically) and some other family members told me I was being an a-he for not just letting her do something for once. AITA?
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  • EDIT- woah okay. I was not expecting so much interaction with this post. I plan on talking to my sister tonight, apologize and ask her to take over fourth of july and thanksgiving if she wants. I
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  • Iam going to talk to her about the past and our rivalry and how we both feel to get any grudges out of the way some people were telling me i am selfish, and I understand and i am knocking
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  • myself down a peg. I understand 2ish months is beforehand and maybe i am just a "get this done asap" person but I understand how I am wrong. I also do not host everything. It is just
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  • expected that I do and I am now going to ask if we switch it up because now i am afraid my family might think i'm trying to keep a center of attention. I am seeing myself in a new light, and i
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  • apologize that I didn't see it earlier. Thank you to the commenters who were kindly showing me my mistakes and i kindly remind you I am human,
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  • and i am making mistakes with the effort to fix them. EDIT 2- an update is available on my page, I talk to my sister and cleared up more things. Thank you!
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  • dohbriste YTA. You describe your sister as being irrationally jealous or something, but you've hosted every single family holiday for TEN YEARS and you won't let her do even one? Just because your
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  • home is ideal for it doesn't mean others shouldn't get a chance to try. Two months is plenty notice tbh. Your immediately reacting by shutting her down without even thinking it over makes it seem like you feel some type of superiority for always hosting that you're aggressively unwilling to let go of.
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