'She gaslit me into accepting them': Woman adopts 2 cats despite her fiancé being severely allergic to them, refuses to compromise on letting them sleep in their bed, now he's considering not getting married to her

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Apr 26, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

For such little, adorable, sleepy creatures, cats sure seem to be able to break up relationships. And we don't get it, because sometimes, it's over such small things. We've seen relationships break because one of the people involved couldn't handle being able to handle being 'second' to the cat. We've seen people call their partners unhygienic because because they kiss their cat on the forehead. There was even one situation where a 30-year-old boyfriend broke up with his girlfriend of 9 years because she likes to cuddle her cat at night. Ridiculous, right?

But it's not always for ridiculous reasons. Sometimes… people are incompatible and the cats just serve to highlight that. We don't think that the boyfriend in today's story is wrong, but we don't think that his girlfriend is a bad person either. They just have different priorities. All we can say is that we're glad that all of this came to life while they were engaged rather than married, so they could either work it out somehow… or not without paperwork being involved. 

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  • 01

    "[Am I wrong] for saying her cats shouldn’t have full access to the house?"

    Cheezburger Image 10497389312
    via Unsplash / Michael Glazier - mglazier98

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    I'm in the process of buying a house with my fianceé, but I'm traumatized as to how unwholesome her fuzz riddled home is (1 bedroom apt and 2 cats).
    via Jarbous-Fan-8781
  • 03
    The thing is, I'm allergic. I'm severely allergic to cats. I have to take an allegra every time I go to her place, otherwise my face gets swollen, my eyes gets watery, and I get an unbearable amount of sneezing. Whenever I sleep there, the cats will walk on my face during the night and I'll wake up to a miserable next day.
    via Jarbous-Fan-8781
  • 04
    She knew that, we were together for years, and still she adopted a cat. Back then she put me against the wall, talking about how much she always wanted one, how lonely she was during the week, and ended up nudging me to accept it. After a while, on a whim, she got the 2nd one without even talking to me first.
    via Jarbous-Fan-8781
  • 05
    I didn't love the idea, we fought, but in the end I wasn't about to end healthy relationship because of a cat, so I tried to bear with it. Now we're talking about marriage and we're on the process of buying a home, but I don't wanna live the rest of my life on daily allergy medication, with terrible breathing and overall welfare.
    via Jarbous-Fan-8781
  • 06
    At first I proposed the cats to be strictly outdoors. We could put safety nets around the property perimeter and let them live outdoors with my dog. She DID NOT agree. I folded, and further proposed the cats to be restricted only to the ground floor, not being allowed upstairs to the bedrooms. This is where we're at now, and again, she does not agree.
    via Jarbous-Fan-8781
  • 07
    The cats must have access to the whole house, and if they like, they'll sleep with us.
    via Jarbous-Fan-8781
  • 08
    Accordingly to her, "her cats are her companions", "they always slept with her", "I AGREED WITH HER GETTING CATS BACK THEN" (?) (she guilt-tripped me into agreeing with one, back then).
    via Jarbous-Fan-8781
  • 09
    Now I'm feeling pretty f_cking miserable over considering breaking up a marriage over a f_cking cat. I'd love not having this medical condition, but it's beyond my control.
    via Jarbous-Fan-8781
  • 10
    I'm not about to rationally choose to live a miserable life in a furpocalypse, sleeping in a shedquarters, never again owning a proper black pair of pants because she gaslit me into accepting them. AITA here?
    via Jarbous-Fan-8781

  • Well… some people are just not meant to be together, that's what we think about this situation. Because as much as we can be mad at her for getting the cats in the first place, we can't be mad at her for not wanting to get rid of them or let them roam outside. Her not budging - that's not great either, but we get her. And we get you. This is a sad situation. 

  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10497390080
    via Unsplash / Michael Glazier - mglazier98

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • 12
    lagelthrow • 11h ago "considering breaking up a marriage over a f_cking cat" Well you're NOT breaking up a marriage. You're considering ending a relationship INSTEAD of getting married. Don't put the cart before the horse here.
    via lagelthrow
  • 13
    1. have you talked to an allergist about treating this beyond an OTC allergy med? 2. do you WANT to marry someone, honestly, who believes the things they want are more important than your severe medical issue? 3. there's no keeping the cats out of a given space even if she did agree to it. You could try but cats are experts at getting where you don't want em.
    via lagelthrow
  • 14
    Put the brakes on house-buying IMMEDIATELY, put the brakes on marriage IMMEDIATELY, and have a come-to-Jesus talk about whether this is a deal breaker for you two. There's nothing wrong with what either of you want, but ESH if you two move forward without changing anything.
    via lagelthrow

  • It's hard to disagree with the comments. Nothing about this seems “healthy”, and so we reiterate: some people, unfortunately, are simply not meant to build a life with one another, and we are sorry that you're both having to go through that realization. 

  • 15
    Cheezburger Image 10497389568
    via Unsplash / Michael Glazier - mglazier98

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 16
    IAmTAAlways • 11h ago 2 fundamentally incompatible people trying to live together and get married will not work. You're not going to get your wish here. She's not going to give up the cats and she won't stick them outside for you. You are going to grow resentful with every passing day and this will affect your entire relationship. It would be best to part ways now so that you two can find people who are much more compatible.
    via IAmTAAlways
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10497389824
    via Unsplash / Michael Glazier - mglazier98

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 18
    aledethanlast • 11h ago I wasn't about to end a healthy relationship because of a cat, Yeah im sorry op but this relationship is not healthy. Especially and literally not for you.
    via aledethanlast
  • 19
    Your fiance has, over the span of years, proven time and again that her wanting a pet will trump your actual health and every juncture. This woman is fighting you on having ONE ROOM in YOUR HOUSE where you won't have trouble breathing.
    via aledethanlast
  • 20
    Your only way to get what you want (fur free house) is via ultimatum, and ultimatums kill relationships. Which, in this case, it really should. Nta. Do not marry this woman, do not buy a house with this woman, do not spend the rest of your life fighting for your life because she values it less than her cats.
    via aledethanlast
  • 21
    Cheezburger Image 10497389056
    via Unsplash / Michael Glazier - mglazier98

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 22
    lihzee • 11h ago It really doesn't sound like you should be living together at all. further proposed the cats to be restricted only to the ground floor, not being allowed upstairs to the bedrooms.
    via lihzee
  • 23
    How do you intend to enforce this? Cats can hop over baby gates. This doesn't sound like it's going to work out in all honesty.
    via lihzee

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