‘I just don’t want to change the way we live’: Parents refuse to allow son and his girlfriend to move into their vacation home in Ireland, son goes dark on communication

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  • "It's part of our retirement plan to live there year-round..."
  • "Am I being unreasonable for not letting my son and his girlfriend live at our camp year-round?"

    I'm 50. We have a camp I inherited from my grandparents just outside Killarney that's been in the family since before I was born. It's always been a place for summers, long weekends, and
  • the odd winter trip if the road's good. My wife and I still spend most of the summer up there, same way my parents and grandparents did. That's just how it's always been. Our kids grew up with that rhythm too.
  • We've got a couple of labs who come with us wherever we go, and the camp is no exception. They're part of the family. They sleep on the furniture, on the bed, wherever they want really.
  • We keep the place clean, sweep and vacuum daily when we're there, but if you've had dogs, you know there's always going to be some hair. That's just how it is. We don't really think twice about it.
  • My son's 22. He and his girlfriend have been living in the city since he finished school last year. A few weeks ago he asked if they could move up to the camp full-
  • time. Not just for the summer, but for the whole year. Said they want to try living outside the city, save money, get out of the cycle of rent and roommates and all that.
  • I told him no. If they wanted to come stay during the summer while we're there, like always, that'd be fine. There's space, and they're always welcome. But I'm
  • not comfortable handing over the place full-time. It's still very much in use. It's where we go to unplug, where the dogs can run free, where we don't have to adjust how we live to make someone else comfortable. And
  • I'll be honest, his girlfriend has made a few comments in the past about the dogs, usually in that kind of joking-but-not-really tone. "There's so much hair" or " don't know how you let them on the couch." That kind of thing.
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  • It's not personal. I just don't want to change the way we live at the one place that still feels like ours. Especially when it's part of our retirement plan to live there year- round, at least until our health determines otherwise. It's not
  • about not supporting them, but I don't think they fully get what they're asking for either. Living up there year-round is different than visiting. There's a lot more to it.
  • He didn't argue it, but we haven't talked much since. I don't think he sees it as a big deal, but to me, it is.
  • So now I'm wondering if I'm being too rigid, or if I'm just protecting something that still has meaning the way it is.
  • TinyRascalSaurus NTA. Once they move in, it will become their space, and you will always feel like visitors and like you're in someone else's home.
  • His situation isn't dire. He's not homeless or struggling or in desperate need of shelter. He simply doesn't want to continue dealing with rent and roommates. That may not be an ideal situation for him and his girlfriend, but it's not an emergency where they need other accommodations now.
  • Good-Assistant-4545 You are entitled to use the property as you see fit. It is not your responsibility to make your son and his girlfriend's life work. They can buy or rent their own place.
  • moverene1914 Hold your ground. My family had a lake house that all enjoyed at various times throughout the year. They let one son move in and he never moved out and it kind of ruined things for everyone else.
  • Imchatterbox NTA. That is your second home. If you let it become his girlfriend's home home, it will never feel like your vacation space again.
  • 85MonteCarloSS NTA - Killarney is a beautiful place and the whole family should be able to enjoy the cottage without feeling like they're intruding in someone's home or hearing about dog complaints when you decide to go to your own cottage. I'd have done the same.

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