29-year-old man lends $1500 to "struggling" friend, biased friend group takes her side when she refuses to pay back the loan she spent on shopping and vacations: “It's just money, why make it into a fight?”

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Apr 27, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Have you ever lent a friend money, only to never see it back? If you simply bought them a drink on a night out when their card declined, it's not too big of a deal to just let it slide. You could also ask them to pay for you next time, or try to Venmo request them as a reminder. However, when larger sums of money are given away, it can put a major strain on the relationship until the sum is paid back. The rule of thumb here, honestly, is to never give away any amount of money that you're not comfortable getting back. Even if it's a trusted friend or family member, this should be your M.O.

In our story today, a 29-year-old man loans his friend over a grand. She said she'd pay him back, and she had told him that she was really struggling. However, after months go back with no progress on the loan, he starts to scrutinize her luxurious lifestyle. Scroll down for all the deets. 

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  • 01

    AITA Refusing Help My Friend After She Lied About Get Out Paying Back?

    4100
    via Dean Drobot

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (29M) have a close friend, I'll call her "Mia" for this story anyways she is (28F). We've known each other for years and have always been there for each other.
    via u/Adventurous_Click595
  • 03
    Last year, Mia was going through a rough time financially, and I lent her €1,500 to help her get through it. We agreed she'd pay me back over a few months, and I trusted her to do so.
    via u/Adventurous_Click595
  • 04
    For the first few months, everything was fine. She'd send me small payments here and there, nothing too crazy, but I could see she was trying. But then, after about four months, the payments stopped. I reached out, but she kept making excuses "I'm going to pay you next week," "Things are tight right now," and so on.
    via u/Adventurous_Click595
  • 05
    00
    via Arthon meekodong

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    Eventually, I had to be more direct. I told her I needed the money back, and that was when she started getting defensive. She told me that her boyfriend "accidentally" spent some of the money on a random expense, so she didn't have enough to pay me back. She promised she'd make up for it the following month.
    via u/Adventurous_Click595
  • 07
    The thing is, I knew something was off. I've seen her spending money on things that weren't exactly "necessary" like a new phone, a vacation with friends, and a bunch of new clothes. It didn't add up. I didn't want to confront her too harshly, but it was getting frustrating.
    via u/Adventurous_Click595

  • Maybe she didn't lie; perhaps she was really struggling at the time that she asked for the loan. However, it seems like she certainly isn't now and is just being selfish. Time to drop her!

  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10498044672
    via Maksym Belchenko from Getty Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    Then, two weeks ago, I found out that Mia had told some of our mutual friends that I was pressuring her for the money and that I was making her feel "guilty" and "stressed out." She said I was being
    via u/Adventurous_Click595
  • 10
    "demanding" and making her feel "obligated" to pay me back, which wasn't true at all. In fact, I'd been pretty patient and understanding the whole time.
    via u/Adventurous_Click595
  • 11
    When I found out she was talking behind my back, I was p ed. So, I called her and asked what was going on. She admitted to saying that stuff to our
    via u/Adventurous_Click595
  • 12
    friends but insisted that she was just "venting" and didn't mean any harm. I told her I wasn't going to chase her anymore and that I needed the money back now, or I'd be done with the whole situation.
    via u/Adventurous_Click595
  • 13
    She told me I was being unreasonable and that I was making her feel like a bad person. She said that I was taking away her "peace of mind" over something that "wasn't a big deal" and that "it's just money, why make it into a fight?" I told her that I was no longer willing to help her if she couldn't respect our agreement and be honest with me.
    via u/Adventurous_Click595
  • 14
    Now, our mutual friends are split. Some think I'm in the right, but others say I'm being harsh and that I should've just been patient with her. Mia is still avoiding talking to me, and I'm left wondering if I made the right call.
    via u/Adventurous_Click595

  • Turning the friends against our protagonist because he is asking her to make good on her end of the deal is wild. These people are not real friends. 

  • 15
    Spiritual_Cry3316 NTA. She is being massively disrespectful and manipulative. "It's just money?" Then why can't she just pay it back like she is supposed to? She has
    via u/Spiritual_Cry3316
  • 16
    tried to tarnish your reputation among friends to get sympathy for herself. If you have any documentation at all (text messages, emails, etc.), take her to small claims court. Then block her everywhere. She is not a friend.
    via u/Spiritual_Cry3316
  • 17
    Adventurous_Click595 OP Yes I'm debating dropping her but we have a LOT of mutual s and I don't want to stir anything else up
    via u/Adventurous_Click595
  • 18
    Cheezburger Image 10498044416
    via Polina Zimmerman from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    okilz If they take her side over yours, they aren't your friends. Also, if they think it isn't a big deal, ask them to borrow $1500, and they can collect it from her.
    via u/okilz
  • 20
    mavenmim NTA. She is obligated to pay you back if you made her a loan, so she should feel that way! And she should feel guilty if she has missed payments,
    via u/mavenmim
  • 21
    particularly if that was not 100% necessary. You didn't have to lend her the money, and it is completely unfair for her to treat it like a gift and repayments as optional.
    via u/mavenmim
  • 22
    However, ideally to protect yourself you should have made a written agreement of what the terms were and when she was going to pay it back. That would have made it clearer for both of you. It would mean she knew when she had to pay, and what the
    via u/mavenmim
  • 23
    consequences would be if she didn't. And you'd know whether or not it was permissable to call the whole loan for immediate repayment. As it stands, I can understand you asking for that, and it might be that she can get some form of credit or a loan from elsewhere, but it might be that she simply doesn't
    via u/mavenmim
  • 24
    have the means to repay you in full right away. I suspect that you've called in the loan out of frustration, but what you want from her is a clear payment plan and a commitment to stick to it. If she can come up with that you might be able to reach a mutual agreement, and that might make you look more reasonable to the friendship group, as she can't spin that into you being unfair.
    via u/mavenmim
  • 25
    Adventurous_Click595 OP I already told her I was expecting the money back, I also didn't want to look bad as she mentioned she was struggling financially.
    via u/Adventurous_Click595
  • 26
    Individual_Ad_9213 NTA. Even if it was only $10 per week, she should be repaying you. As it is, her word has become like her credit: useless.
    via u/Individual_Ad_9213
  • 27
    HappySummer Breeze She is MEANT to feel obligated when she has defaulted on a debt to a friend. She is SUPPOSED to have upset peace of mind when she is overdue in repaying her friend!
    via u/HappySummerBreeze
  • 28
    Talk to her again. Tell her that feeling upset is a good thing because it means she is a decent person who knows she is doing the wrong thing by breaking her word to a friend who helped her out in hard times.
    via u/HappySummerBreeze
  • 29
    Ask her "who is going to help you out next time you go through a bad time? This is not how friends treat their friend who did them a huge favour. You owe $X and it's X days overdue for repayment." Nta
    via u/HappySummerBreeze
  • 30
    Enbygem NTA. I lent my brother money not long ago. Just $20 so not something that would hurt to lose but I was clear if he didn't pay me back if never lend him money again. He didn't pay me back so now if he asks the answer would be no. If the baby needs something and I can afford it I would go buy it and he can pick it up because I won't let her go without because of him but I won't lend money.
    via u/Enbygem

Tags

friendship AITAH immature adulting finance friends relationships loan love adulthood entitled breakup red flag friend group money entitled people
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