Wife flips out when she receives $175 of $7,000 tax refund because of husband's unpaid child support: 'He told me I should be grateful'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 25, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

There is no getting around the fact that if your partner already has kids before you get together, it is going to make the relationship more complicated. Anybody in this scenario has to sit down and consider if they are willing to take on the duties and struggles that come with being a stepparent, for one. There are also the sometimes overlooked issues to think about, too, like the financial aspect of it. The likelihood is that anybody with children is going to have less money to spend on a relationship when they have to think of family first.

For many moms or dads who are separated from their child's other parent, there is also the contentious issue of child support. For those who a partnered with somebody who already has kids, this could wind up being an issue, especially if they have a not great track record with their finances.

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  • This is something that one woman had the misfortune of experiencing when she got back a much smaller refund than she expected when she and her husband filed their joint tax return. It turned out that the majority of the money had gone towards his unpaid child support, and she was angry that this had happened without her knowledge. Her husband argued that this was a good thing, as it might give him more freedom to contribute financially to their relationship, but she remained unconvinced. She wanted to know if she was overreacting.

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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    My husband and I filed our taxes jointly this year for the past two years. I was completely unaware that he had $7,000 in unpaid child support-I thought he was making regular monthly payments. We were expecting a refund, but only $175 was deposited. I feel blindsided, violated, and taken advantage of. When I brought this up, he dismissed my feelings and told me I should be grateful the child support is now paid off because it means he can contribute more money each month.
    via No-Phase2652
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    That logic doesn't make sense to me-his child is still under 18, so he still has to make ongoing payments regardless. I feel physically ill. He is not supportive of how I'm feeling whatsoever and is actually angry at me for how I am responding. AITAH? Update: Injured spouse form is in the mail. I had to physically mail it, it couldn't be electronically filed.
    via No-Phase2652
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    TAX RETURN
    via Markus Winkler
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    Commenters understood why she was angry.

    SugarCube80 Lawyer here who used to practice family law before I decided I didn't hate myself: there's no way he didn't know he owed that money, and there's no way he didn't know it was coming out of your refund. The notices are insanely pervasive; his job and bank also knew this would happen. He set you up and hid information from you.
    via SugarCube80
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    Accomplished-Fly4992 ΝΤΑ You're dealing with a man who doesn't pay child support and tricked you into paying it. He is a POS. Don't expect him to be any better than he has already shown. He won't be.
    via Accomplished-Fly4992
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    Disastrous-Bee-1557 he dismissed my feelings and told me I should be grateful the child support is now paid off because it means he can contribute more money each month. Well if he wasn't paying the child support, and wasn't paying into their joint expenses, then just I was his money going?! I'd be checking for more than hidden debt if I were OP.
    via Disastrous-Bee-1557
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    Bella1643412 Fill out the Injured Spouse Allocation form. NTA.
    via Bella1643412
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    AssociationHot2423 Your husband knew this would happen which is why he wanted to file joint ly and did not pay any child support. He's also a deadbeat for not paying child support in the first place. I'd suggest a divorce, but just don't expect him to pay to support the kids you have with him either.
    via AssociationHot2423
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    Slight-Cheek3155 He hid a major debt, used your refund to pay it off without telling you, and then dismissed your feelings. That's a big breach of trust. You have every right to be upset it's not just about the money, it's about honesty and respect in a relationship
    via Slight-Cheek3155
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    sallen779 You married a loser
    via sallen779
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    Jaded-Ad-7694 Divorced father of now grown children. Parents that don't pay their degenerates. child support are
    via Jaded-Ad-7694
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    Purple Grass_5300 NTA but you shouldn't date a man who isn't a good father. My ex pays $1200/month but still has a $15,000 arrears. In my state, child support will go until college graduation too so 18 may not even be the cut off
    via Purple_Grass_5300
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    Key Situation643 NTA and go with everyone else's advice. Here to say I was garnished for $15k that my husband owed from over a decade ago that I had absolutely no clue about. Never apologized or even acknowledged it.
    via Key_Situation643
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    No-Phase2652 OP This is so cruel, I'm sorry that happened to you. Money aside, pretending like it's not a big deal because it works in their favor is the worst form of betrayal I've ever experienced.
    via No-Phase2652
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    Tendencies NTA however, you now know you're married to a man that thinks it's ok to be so behind on supporting his own children... it's up to you what you wanna do with that info
    via Tendencies_
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    TootsNYC And married to a man who will hide financial difficulties if he thinks it makes him look bad. Is he gonna hide it if he starts gambling? If he crunches the car and has to pay a big bill?
    via TootsNYC
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    Mindless-Damage-5399 Contact the IRS and file an injured spouse claim. They will revise the refund, and you can get your portion back.
    via Mindless-Damage-5399
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    Jumpy_Succotash_241 I'm willing to bet when you both started dating that he told you all sorts of things about his ex. How she's crazy and everything was her fault blah blah blah. He is, and always has been the problem. He's just now made it all your problem because he stole your refund money. He's a deadbeat Dad, a Husband, a liar and a thief. This is definitely divorce worthy. But don't expect child support from him if you have kids together!! I don't know how it works in the US but someone in
    via Jumpy_Succotash_241
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    sequoia_ac NTA- you should be mad you married a deadbeat dad
    via sequoia_ac
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    III-Factor1739 So he let his kids go without so that he could use your refund and not have to pay out of pocket? You're NTA. Money is good and all but I'd be concerned that you married a deadbeat. I think you see why he was divorced when you met him, now.
    via Ill-Factor1739
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    G1ngersnapp3d Been there. Took $20k of a house fire insurance settlement AFTER we were already divorced. This was around 10 yrs ago. Haven't seen him in almost as long. Thank God.
    via G1ngersnapp3d
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    Spoedi-Probes NTA Lesson Learned, file separately next year and separate your finances.
    via Spoedi-Probes
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    Deucalion666 Do one better. Divorce him.
    via Deucalion666
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    Icy-You3075 How did you not know he wasn't paying child support? Didn't his ex mention anything? Tbh, I would be p ed about the money, but I would even more ped that he has no problem with not taking financial responsibilty for his child and that his ex had to take care of things all about herself. Not to mention the fact that if you're in the US, he could actually get arrested for this. Does he even see his child? NTA.
    via Icy-You3075
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    HollisWhitten NTA because you've been blindsided by something huge that affects your finances and your relationship. And rightfully so. This is a major issue that should have been discussed long before the refund came in. But let's be honest, your husband is not handling this well at all. He didn't just keep you in the dark, he made the decision for both of you, and now he's trying to gaslight you into feeling like you should just be grateful it's paid off.
    via HollisWhitten
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    Ok_Cod4125 He won't support his CHILD and you are expecting him to support you? If you haven't already, ensure you do not have any children with this guy.
    via Ok_Cod4125
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    The wife thanked everybody for their input.

    No-Phase2652 OP I really didn't expect this post to reach so many people. Reading through the thoughtful responses-from compassionate strangers to tax pros and attorneys-has honestly meant the world to me. Outside of my husband, I don't have much of a support system, so your words made me feel seen and less alone. Right now, I'm still trying to wrap my head around how someone I trusted so deeply could hurt me like this. I put blind faith in him — my mistake, and I fully own that. But for me, it'
    via No-Phase2652

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Tags

aita marriage child tax return refund taxes wife husband child support angry reddit thread Reddit money
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