Parents spoil 27-year-old daughter's proposal surprise by telling her the date, she puts them on a strict "information diet" before the wedding so they won't spill any more secrets: “I don't want him knowing anything”

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Apr 28, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

When my now-fiancé proposed to me, I should have, by all accounts, seen it coming. We've never shied away from talking about proposal expectations and always sent each other cute proposal videos over Instagram reels. I didn't ask anything crazy of him; I wanted it to be a surprise, and I wanted to have photos that capture the moment. I wanted to be somewhere beautiful, and I wanted him to make sure that I was well-dressed before for the photos. So, when I found myself in Croatia next to the Adriatic sea with his photographer brother following us around, I really should have put the pieces together myself. 

In our story today, our protagonist is robbed of a surprise proposal by her parents. They let slip her boyfriend's intended date, and when she reacts with anger, they brush it off. When they let a few other surprises slip here and there before the wedding, she decides to put them on a strict "information diet" so that she can actually keep things under wraps. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for telling my mom "I'm used to it" after my parents ruined the surprise of my engagement and the wedding dress?

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  • 02
    1 (27F) am getting married in September 2025. I'm in a long distance relationship. My partner lives in England and I'm in the US. We're lucky enough that I work remote and visit about 3 times a year for six weeks at a time, and he visits me in the US about four times a year for once a week. When he was
    via u/glitterglazegloo
  • 03
    planning to propose, he had asked my parents blessing in March 2024. My parents had "assumed" that I would know when he was proposing, and my dad had told me in a conversation that following week he was proposing in December 2024.
    via u/glitterglazegloo
  • 04
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  • 05
    As you could imagine, I was upset. My mother invalidated my feelings and said I was making it a big deal and being stupid for not assuming it was going to be during Christmas because that's when both of our families were together.
    via u/glitterglazegloo
  • 06
    My argument is that while I could have had a hunch, I didn't want to be told when it was, and basically could have gone practically a whole year wondering excitedly when it would be. For all I know, he could've proposed before that, and Christmas we would have had an engagement party.
    via u/glitterglazegloo
  • 07
    Anyway, basically my dad apologized but my mom has stood firm on saying I'm dramatic for being upset. Since then, more things have gone wrong, and has started to leave me just so sad about wedding planning. None of this has been a good experience and I've started to feel like it's a chore.
    via u/glitterglazegloo
  • 08
    Flash forward to today, my partner is visiting (just for one week.) and we're all sitting on the couch in the living room. My mom randomly turns to me and goes, "Have you picked up your veil from the bridal store yet?" Right in front of him. And then my partner smiles and goes, oh, you're wearing a veil?
    via u/glitterglazegloo
  • 09
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  • 10
    And I just got super frustrated. There are only two surprises in a wedding- the engagement and the dress. And both of them have been handled so carelessly. So I turned to my mom and said, can you please not mention anything about the dress? Not the shoes, nothing. I don't want him knowing anything.
    via u/glitterglazegloo
  • 11
    She rolls her eyes, walks around, and about 10 minutes later gives a half-hearted apology just saying, "Sorry, OP." And I replied, "it's fine. I'm used to it at this point." And now she's gone back and locked herself in the room. So I guess, AITA for being upset?
    via u/glitterglazegloo
  • 12
    EDIT: I know a lot of people are asking if this is like her- it isn't. She has already had one of her four daughters get married, I'm the second. She never ruined the engagement or the dress. And she seemed to care a whole lot more about her than she has me during this time.
    via u/glitterglazegloo
  • 13
    Second EDIT: Nowadays a lot of brides opt to wear veils, tiaras, sometimes hats, or embellishments, or nothing at all. I forgot to mention that my fiancé had told me he
    via u/glitterglazegloo
  • 14
    didn't want to know if I was wearing a veil or anything. and wanted it all to be a surprise. Since he's very mild tempered and sweet, he was surprised but was trying to be nice in his reaction because he knew I'd be upset.
    via u/glitterglazegloo

  • Maybe they really didn't intend to spoil anything, but if they are incapable of acknowleding their fault, they don't deserve to be in the loop about the details of the wedding.

  • 15
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  • 16
    StructureKey2739 (I'm used to it at this point.") Brilliant, well-deserved answer. Now she's sulking in her room. Leave her there.
    via u/StructureKey2739
  • 17
    Lmdr1973 Yep. Let her stay in there as long as she wants to. Don't give her the attention she's looking for. Your mother sounds toxic. Stop telling her things.
    via u/Lmdr1973
  • 18
    Daisy Bubblee Honestly, you summed it up perfectly. She acted like your feelings did not matter, but now that you finally pushed back a little, she suddenly cannot handle it. Let her sulk, you have way more important and happier things to focus on right now.
    via u/DaisyBubblee
  • 19
    Senior-Fisherman8620 She's pouting because she wants to be the victim. She wants the attention. And if you don't go running to her like she wants, she will play the martyr. Ignoring her is your only option because if you coddle her she will only continue to use your feelings against you.
    via u/Senior-Fisherman8620

  • It totally sounds like mom is sulking because she knows that she is in the wrong. However, it doesn't seem like she has the self-awareness to adjust and keep her mouth shut. 

  • 20
    Her dismissing your feelings as ridiculous is ride and selfish. She's not considering you at all and it's YOUR day. Dont let her belittle you. NTA
    via u/Senior-Fisherman8620
  • 21
    Substantial-Air3395 NTA put your parents on an information diet. Also, no in the future, they're always gonna do this. Maybe, be prepared for some oddball wedding toast from them.
    via u/Substantial-Air3395
  • 22
    Sea_Firefighter_4598 NTA. But if this is who she is just stop telling her anything.
    via u/Sea_Firefighter_4598
  • 23
    Glassgrl1021 This is what I came here to say. Mom and Dad are on a need to know diet, and really all they need to know is when to show up for the wedding. If they complain tell them they did this to themselves.
    via u/Glassgrl1021
  • 24
    NTA. Jazzlike-Lab-3310 You're absolutely allowed to be upset. Your parents ruined two of the biggest, most meaningful surprises of your life and then acted like you were the problem for caring.
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  • 25
    You're not being dramatic - you're reacting like any normal person would when something really special gets taken away from them.
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  • 26
    Your "I'm used to it" comment was honest, and honestly? It sounds like it needed to be said. Maybe it stung because deep down she knows she keeps crossing boundaries but does not want to take responsibility.
    via u/Jazzlike-Lab-3310
  • 27
    You deserve excitement, magic, and respect around your engagement and wedding. Please don't let them make you second-guess yourself. Congratulations on your engagement - I hope you and your fiancé get the beautiful memories you both deserve!
    via u/Jazzlike-Lab-3310
  • 28
    Well-Done22 NTA. Your mom is either completely oblivious or trying to screw things up. Going forward, don't tell your mother ANYTHING or it will get out. It's tough for it to be that way, but she's shown you who she is. Believe her.
    via u/Well-Done22

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family drama bride entitled parents groom wedding party wedding drama toxic relationships parenting wedding wedding dress family daughter entitled people
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