'SIL looks like she's ready to cry "Well...I feel selfish"': Mom of infant asks brother-in-law to change her baby's diaper even though she is right there, brother refuses and gets iced out

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 3, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

It is okay to set boundaries with your family members. In fact, you should be setting boundaries with your family members because otherwise they will get crossed and you won't have recourse to say that they wronged you. This is especially true when it comes to children. We're all happy to pitch in every now and then to take care of kids, but that doesn't mean that we have to. It means we're doing them a favor when they really need it, not that we're signing up to be another parent figure in the child's life. 

So that means we get to pick and choose what we're willing to help out with. Maybe we're happy to take them to the park when their parents are busy. Maybe we'll make them lunch when they're visiting our house. Maybe we'll offer to babysit while they're away. But we're probably not offering to change their diaper when their parents are sitting right there.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10500736768
    via Unsplash+ (Toa Heftiba)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That didn't stop one woman from asking, though. She saw an opportunity to shove off some of her parental duties onto the baby's uncle but didn't quite think about what his answer might be. And though he was reasonably setting a boundary, he got some pushback from his family. 

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    AITA for refusing to change someone's baby's diaper?

    My wife and I have been married 10+ years and have a few kids. SIL and her husband had a baby 2 years ago. No major complaints - they just tend to ask for people to do stuff that I would think they'd do themselves.
    via u/Late4AnAppointment
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    . They'll come over our house (they live an hour away) and they'll ask ahead of time if we have their kid's favorite crackers on hand. Why they don't just pack the crackers, I don't know (they are well off, money not an issue).
    via u/Late4AnAppointment
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    . • If one of them leaves the room, they'll ask one of us (my wife or kids) to be "in charge" of the baby - even if the other parent is right there, just scrolling on their phone or something. But whenever I say something to my wife, she says I'm being too much.
    via u/Late4AnAppointment
  • 05
    The other day, we're having a dinner at MIL's house when the baby had a poopy diaper. SIL looks at me and say in the sweetest voice "Uncle (my name), can you change the diaper?" (she frequently does this when we're there but this was the first time I was asked) I answered, politely, "No, I'm sorry, I don't do that."
    via u/Late4AnAppointment
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    "You....don't do diapers??" "No, I don't do other people's kid's diapers if their mom or dad is around. I mean if I'm babysitting, sure thing, but yea · if the parents are around - I just feel like its their job." SIL looks like she's ready to cry "Well...I feel selfish." -
    via u/Late4AnAppointment
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    I smiled to try and set her at ease, "Not trying to make you feel any way, just telling you a boundary is all." The table got really awkward as she got up and did the diaper. Afterwards my wife blamed me for making SIL feel bad and said I could've just changed the diaper.
    via u/Late4AnAppointment
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    Not trying to make anyone feel bad - but I've had 3 kids and I always took responsibility -I watched them, I packed for them, and I changed them. I'm not looking to be a secondary parent for this kid.
    via u/Late4AnAppointment
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    Cheezburger Image 10500737024
    via Natali Hordiiuk

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Commenters took his side in this family dispute.

    starry_nite99 • 20h ago NTA. Your SIL only felt bad because the obvious was pointed out to her. You said no when she asked you, then she pressed you further trying to either guilt you into changing the diaper or make you look bad because you didn't want to change a poopy diaper.
    via u/starry_nite99
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    starship910 20h ago • I think you handled that amazingly well. She sounds like she's not used to anyone saying no to her and setting boundaries. Putting on the tears and "being selfish" act is manipulation. and it sounds like that worked on your wife, not you. Nothing to feel bad about. She sounds like a wanna be princess.
    via u/starship910
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    xzxinflamesxzx · 20h ago • NTA. The parents were there and capable of changing the diaper. That is their responsibility. Anyone else that does it is a kind gesture. I would set the exact same boundary.
    via u/xzxinflamesxzx
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    Eastern_Conditio... • 20h ago NTA, but then why didn't your wife step in and offer to change the diaper? That's right, because she doesn't want to do it either. You have a massive wife problem. She needs to shut this down with her family, not encourage it.
    via u/Eastern_Condition863
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    Timely_Egg_6827 • 20h ago NTA - making sure the baby doesn't come to harm by say rolling off a couch is the responsibility of any adult who sees an issue. Basic hygiene and feeding needs. are the problem of the parent. If someone volunteers, then well and good. Otherwise no, that is a fair boundary.
    via u/Timely_Egg_6827
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    alphabetacheetah 20h ago Nta i'm a parent and no way would i expect someone else to change my kids nappies when i'm right there. If they offer that's a different story but it's so tacky to ask
    via u/alphabetacheetah
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    He_Who_Is_Person 20h ago NTA Who the h I asks someone else to change their baby's diaper when they're standing right there?
    via u/He_Who_Is_Person
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    ShazinCA 20h ago NTA. I remember my brother holding out his son and asking my mother if she wanted to change the diaper. She sweetly said, I did my turn at that. It's your turn now. She did babysit when asked and changed diapers then, but not while dad and mom are right there.
    via u/ShazinCA
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    Techno_Core 20h ago . "Well...I feel selfish." *Laugh of relief* "Oh good! I thought I was gonna have to say it!"
    via u/Techno_Core
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    Shiner5132 · 20h ago NTA- I'm a mom to one year old identical twins I do a LOT of diapers so does my husband, never once have we asked a dinner guest, or anyone for that matter, to change a for us or a wee for that matter. Ridiculous.
    via u/Shiner5132
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    carinaNoir 20h ago NTA. You were polite, clear, and honest. Changing someone else's kid's diaper when the parents are right there? That's a hard no. Setting boundaries isn't ride - expecting you to parent their kid is.
    via u/carinaNoir
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    kunta003 - 20h ago NTA. You're not wrong for setting a clear, respectful boundary. What you said wasn't ride, dismissive, or cruel. You were polite, calm, and firm. That's exactly how boundaries should be communicated.
    via u/kunta003
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    WickedAngelLove ⚫ 20h ago NTA Why couldn't she change her own child's diaper? I wouldn't have done it either.
    via u/WickedAngelLove
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    inkslingerben · 20h ago . SIL felt bad because she made a ridiculous request and got slapped down in front of family. The next time she asks if you have her kid's favorite crackers, just say you are all out. Then she will have to bring some. You can not do shopping for both your family and hers.
    via u/inkslingerben
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    ResponsibleHum... . 20h ago What strange requests. NTA. You are not obligated to change a diaper if the parents are present. SIL needs to have boundaries and I'm surprised no one has brought them up. She is very entitled.
    via u/ResponsibleHuman64
  • 25
    . Which_Piglet7193 · 20h ago NTA. Also they shouldn't be SO nilly about letting whoever change their kids diaper. Not saying you're a creep or anything. But it's the parents job to protect. They need to do better.
    via u/Which_Piglet7193

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childcare Babies aita infant kids diapers moms parenting sister in law dad cute kids pregnant reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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