Immature father punishes his 4-year-old son for being “mean” to him by refusing to play with him, wife freaks out over his childish parenting: “[My wife] is into ‘gentle’ parenting”

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 6, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Parenting is no walk in the park. It's insurmountable the amount of couples who decide to get married and have children together without actually talking about anything to each other. Namely, how they want to parent, what values they want to instill in their children, and especially to discuss disciplinary tactics. One parent may want to be a "go with the flow" type, and just let their kid find their way through trial and error. One parent may be the helicopter parent who needs to be on standby all the time dictating how their kid is doing. It's important to know before you pop the thing out how compatible you two will be as parents. In the story below, I can't say they're at that point.

The story below centers around a couple with two very young children. A son who's 4-years-old, and a daughter who's a few months old. The wife spends more time with the daughter, and the husband spends more time with his son. According to the story, they don't have the most compatible parenting situation, and in the end the children are the ones who will get the short end of the stick due to their parenting dynamic. 

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  • 01

    AITA for wanting to give my 5 year old consequences

    "He's at the age where he should have consequences for his actions"
    via Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So, i am totally willing to accept AITA here. My son is actually 4, almost 5. My wife is a big believer in no punishment, natural consequences, etc. Recently (especially at night, he doesn't nap so he's tired in the evening), he tends to be a real a hole. I know it
    via u/Baddadmaybe2020

  • I'm not sure this father is prepared to be a mature and loving parent. You really have to put your ego aside, and not let the words and actions of a toddler affect you to the point where you start acting as immature as they are. I understand that he's hurt, but you can't teach a lesson to a kid through a lens of revenge and spite. 

  • 03
    sounds harsh but there's just no other way to put it. He gets mad over nothing, throws stuff at us, screams over anything etc. Note, that when it comes to my son I do most of the playing and working with him, so maybe i'm a bit more burnt out with his constant anger.
    via u/Baddadmaybe2020
  • 04
    We have a 6 month old daughter and my wife does most of the work with her so neither child is ignored by either of us. So yesterday he was kicking up a massive fuss over bed time. He started throwing toys at me, screaming at us, crying, etc. He finally said "daddy, i don't love you anymore, i only love mommy" i know he's 4.5 but it hurt a bit
    via u/Baddadmaybe2020
  • 05
    regardless. So I said, okay, then i don't want to be here. I feel like he should have some consequence for it. He doesn't face consequences for anything at this point. She's into gentle parenting. We usually play a bit before school in the morning, but this morning i told him i don't want to play with him because he was mean to me and my wife
    via u/Baddadmaybe2020
  • 06
    flipped out. I think he's at the age where he should start feeling some consequences for his action, my wife keeps saying he'll grow to learn that certain things are bad. I don't think he'll learn if he's not guided. For example, she never wanted him to feel like he has to
    via u/Baddadmaybe2020
  • 07
    share, so now he doesn't share at all. Anyway, i'm being told IATA for not immediatly letting this stuff go. Thoughts?
    via u/Baddadmaybe2020
  • 08
    Aiyokusama PLEASE learn the difference between gentle parenting and permissive parenting. Gentle parenting is NOT without consequences.
    via u/Aiyokusama
  • 09
    dutchy_chris Consequences should have been in place way back. Throw something at me? Fine. Now it's mine. Yell at me? We all be silent to recoop from the drama.
    via u/dutchy_chris
  • 10
    You two need a big big talk about this. Gentle parenting is NOT just let the kid get away with anything.
    via u/dutchy_chris
  • 11
    point of view. Parenting ['pera support a child physical, emoti intellectual dev on what i
    via Devonyu from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    King... I am an early childhood educator. I agree that children should experience appropriate consequences to help them understand how their actions affect others, themselves and their environment. My
    via u/KingKnowles
  • 13
    program called this approach "No Nonsense Nurturing". I question if your consequence was appropriate. I don't know if a 4.5 year old is able to connect "being mean" and saying "I don't love you"
    via u/KingKnowles
  • 14
    at night to you not wanting to play with him the next morning. You might be inadvertently teaching your child something you aren't intending to.
    via u/KingKnowles
  • 15
    I would recommend clear communication in the moment when he is "being mean", explicitly labeling what behaviors he is doing that are mean and proactively communicating what the consequences will be if he continues to be mean:
    via u/KingKnowles
  • 16
    "[4.5 years old] when you say 'you don't love daddy', and, behavior y and behavior z you are being mean to me. Daddy and other people don't like to play with kids when they are being mean. If you are going to continue to make daddy feel sad by being mean, he
    via u/KingKnowles
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10501466112
    via Michal Collection / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 18
    will not continue playing with you for now and you will have to (go to time out for 15 minutes, play by yourself, whatever consequence is appropriate for your family).
    via u/KingKnowles
  • 19
    This way you clearly label what behaviors are the issue for his developing mind, explicitly tell him why this behavior is an issue, and proactively let him know what will happen if the behavior continues so he can begin to decide to change his behavior
    via u/KingKnowles
  • 20
    to avoid the consequence, or better connect his behavior to the consequence if he doesn't. change his behavior.
    via u/KingKnowles
  • 21
    Edit: Thank you for everyone's kind words and awards! I appreciate it! I also appreciate all the additional conversations people had below to further expand on what I said, and to challenge some of my ideas.
    via u/KingKnowles
  • 22
    Beginning-Smile-6210 1. He clearly needs a short nap or an earlier bedtime. 2. Gentle parenting does NOT equal zero parenting. Your wife is zero parenting.
    via u/Beginning-Smile-6210
  • 23
    3. Actions definitely have consequences. At 4.5 your son is old enough to learn that.
    via u/Beginning-Smile-6210
  • 24
    4. Set boundaries for your son starting now. Even if your wife does not enforce them. He will learn that you will enforce those boundaries and you will need to stand firm against your wife.
    via u/Beginning-Smile-6210
  • 25
    5. Your wife is TAH here. She is raising an entitled, selfish, brat.
    via u/Beginning-Smile-6210

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