Mom accuses daughter of denying her the grandma experience for setting boundaries after constantly criticizing her parenting: "I also dont want to feel like I have to share my baby"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Mar 19, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Being a grandparent is magical. You get to be a parent without any of the more difficult parts of raising children. All you have to do is take care of your grandkids every once in a while, enjoy their company, watch them grow into adults, and spoil them rotten! There is really no need to do much discipline as that is the parents' responsibility, and you see them often but not enough to not grow tired of them. It's like parenting all over again but without the sleepless nights, 24/7 pestering, and tantrums.

In our story today, a grandma seeks a more involved grandmother experience. However, her daughter is not a fan of the constant criticism and overbearingness. When she tries to set boundaries with her overzealous mom, she accuses her of depriving her of the "grandma experience." Unfortunately, their family takes grandma's side, but the internet does not. Scroll down to read the full story and netizen commentary. 

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  • 01

    AITA not giving my mom grandmother experience" with my baby?

    Cheezburger Image 10481762304
    via JasonDoiy

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (27F) had my first baby six months ago, and my mom (52F) has been over the top obsessed with being a grandmother. I expected her to be excited, but I didnt realize she saw this as her big life event.
    via u/Dirty-Diane999
  • 03
    Before my son was even born, she started acting like she was gearing up to raise him alongside me. She set up a full nursery at her house, kept talking about all the weekends hed be spending with her, and told me she planned to be there for all the firsts. It was weird, but I brushed it off as excitement.
    via u/Dirty-Diane999
  • 04
    Then he was born, and it got worse. She constantly criticizes everything I do. If I let him nap in my arms, Im spoiling him, if I dont bring him over enough, Im keeping him from her. Shes started showing up unannounced, and if I dont let her take the baby alone, she acts hurt, like I don't trust her.
    via u/Dirty-Diane999

  • It's great to have your parents there to support you after the birth of your child, but this grandma's behavior has certainly crossed a line.

  • 05
    The final straw was last week at a family gathering. I was holding my son when she suddenly reached for him and tried to take him out of my arms, saying I needed a break. I pulled back and told her, "I dont need a break, Mom. Ive got it." She looked stunned and barely spoke to me for the rest of the night.
    via u/Dirty-Diane999
  • 06
    Later, she sent me this long message about how Im denying her the grandmother experience and treating her like a stranger. Now my dad and siblings are saying I should let her be more involved because she just loves him so much.
    via u/Dirty-Diane999
  • 07
    I dont want to shut her out, but I also dont want to feel like I have to share my baby and being constantly criticized. Am I being too harsh? AITA?
    via u/Dirty-Diane999
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10481762560
    via ezoom

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    biblio_squid Oof. No. She has this imaginary vision of what being a grandma is and she will take anything from you to get it. Listen to your internal voice, and tell her no
    via u/biblio_squid
  • 10
    Dirty-Diane999 OP Yes and I just don't feel comfortable with it, I obviously don't want to stop her from being a grandma and seeing the baby but she's weirdly possessive of him.
    via u/Dirty-Diane999
  • 11
    biblio_squid Listen to that instintct you have, it's weird. You are the mom, that's actually more important than whatever she thinks a grandmotherly role is.
    via u/biblio_squid

  • There must be some middle ground that the two can reach. The two need to have a serious conversation about expectations and boundaries. However, it is just as important for the family to back our protagonist and enforce her ultimate authority over her own child's life.

  • 12
    honeycreampiess Just remember, saying 'no' now could save you from years of unsolicited cookie recipes and endless bingo nights!
    via u/honeycreampiess
  • 13
    DreamyPeachWhispers Dang, mama, you're not alone! Your mom's got some serious boundary issues, and honestly, it's not about denying her a "grandmother experience," it's about protecting your baby and your sanity. She needs to learn that your way is
    via u/DreamyPeachWhispers
  • 14
    the way, not hers. Setting firm boundaries is key if she can't respect them, then yeah, maybe some distance is necessary. But, hey, grandma love is a powerful thing, so try to find a middle ground if you can.
    via u/DreamyPeachWhispers
  • 15
    Away-Elephant-4323 I understand she wants to be a part of his life which is great! But she needs to understand you need time with him yourself to learn and parent in your own
    via u/Away-Elephant-4323
  • 16
    way, without having her constantly giving suggestions, everyone's parenting is different she needs to let you breathe a bit, she can still be in his life without acting like his mother though that's your job.
    via u/Away-Elephant-4323
  • 17
    Dirty-Diane999 OP Yes that is another thing, I appreciate her looking out for me but I also want to figure these things out for myself, that's part of being a parent. And what if one day she is not around?
    via u/Dirty-Diane999
  • 18
    vinegargirl757 OP, im going to lay this out for you. Your mother is stealing from you. She's trying to take your spot as the mother. She is being overbearing, selfish, and ride. Kind is getting you absolutely
    via u/vinegargirl757
  • 19
    Cheezburger Image 10481762816
    via Anton Eine / EyeEm

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 20
    no where. It's time to set some firm boundaries, go on an info diet, and stop answering the door for her. Put the flying monkeys on mute, they're more interested in not rocking the boat, which is not your problem.
    via u/vinegargirl757
  • 21
    adjudicateu Yikes! Tell dad she's needs to back off and sibs that they are welcome to have a baby for her. That's just creepy. I have three grands and I would never do that to my daughter. She needs to get her own life. NTA
    via u/adjudicateu
  • 22
    Flatulent Opposum NTA. Your mom only gets to have as much contact with your son as you and your partner decide. She doesn't get a vote in the matter.
    via u/Flatulent_Opposum
  • 23
    You should gently let her know if she keeps overstepping your boundaries she is liable to get to see him less since by doing so she is disrespecting you.
    via u/Flatulent_Opposum
  • 24
    SableDove NTA. Your baby is not a community project, and your mom is acting like she signed up for a co-parenting role she was never offered. Loving her grandkid is great, but boundary stomping and guilt trips? Not so much. She can be involved without taking over.
    via u/SableDove
  • 25
    MarionberryOk2874 'Denying her the grandmother experience' ...made me eye roll so hard. Ugh. Sorry your mom is inserting herself into your 'motherhood experience'! It won't be easy, but you'll need to have a heart to heart with her and find a happy medium or this will only get worse.
    via u/MarionberryOk2874
  • 26
    Be honest, tell her you are starting to pull back because you don't appreciate being criticized at every turn, and you want to get to a place where having her help is pleasant and welcome vs being stressful. Use that word, 'Mom, I love you but you're stressing me out...we need to find a balance between your grandmother experience and my motherhood experience.' NTA - Good luck OP
    via u/MarionberryOk2874

Tags

family drama married with children mother grandma motherhood married life relationships parenting couples love new mom family boundaries daughter raising kids grandmother mom
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