36-year-old fiancé wants bride to walk down the aisle with his 18-year-old son, ices her out when she refuses: 'I was not going to have someone who is basically a placeholder for my dad'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 11, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

If you're the type of person who has dreamed of your wedding day, odds are you've dreamed of the moment when you walk down the aisle. You think about what you'll be wearing, who will be in attendance to look at you, and what kind of music will be playing. You're also probably thinking about who is going to accompany you down that aisle if you're doing things the traditional way. You're probably imagining that your father or a father figure will be the one to do it, following in the tradition of millions of weddings before you. If this can't come to fruition, then you might be thinking of other options. 

But that's just it. You're thinking of other options, you don't want other people thinking of options for you. It's your special day, after all, and though you're sharing it with your significant other, it's also your decision to decide what you want to do. 

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  • That's the precarious situation one bride-to-be was in when her fiancé had a different idea of who she was going to walk down the aisle with than she did. When she tried to assert her own vision for her big moment, her soon-to-be family started to turn on her. Read on to see what they argued about and decide who you think was in the right.

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    Cheezburger Image 10503365120
    via Marius Muresan

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITAH for refusing to let my fiancé's adult son walk me down the aisle and for calling him a placeholder for my dad

    | 31F am getting married to my fiancé 36M this fall. We have been together for about four years. He has a son who is 18 from a previous relationship, I met him when he was 14. We are friendly but not close. He calls me by my first name and we have a polite relationship, but I am not
    via u/TendToNinaaa
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    a second mom to him or anything like that. My dad passed away when I was 22. We were extremely close and losing him was really hard on me. Ever since I got engaged, I knew I either wanted to walk myself down the aisle or have my uncle do it, who has been like a second father to me. A few weeks ago, my fiancé
    via u/TendToNinaaa
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    brought up the idea of his son walking me down the aisle. He said it would be symbolic, a way of showing that we are officially becoming one family, and that it would mean a lot to his son. I was honestly shocked because it had never crossed my mind. I told him right away that I was not
    via u/TendToNinaaa
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    comfortable with that, it felt forced and weird to me. I respect his son, but it would not feel genuine to have him in a role that meant so much to me and was connected to my dad. Apparently he had already mentioned the idea to his son and got his hopes up. When I said no, it hurt his feelings. My fiancé told me I should reconsider for the sake of
    via u/TendToNinaaa
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    blending the family. I told him I was sorry his son felt hurt but that it was unfair to expect me to rewrite such a personal moment for appearances. We ended up arguing, and I will admit, I said something too harsh. I said I was not going to have someone who is basically a placeholder for my dad walk me down the aisle. I
    via u/TendToNinaaa
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    immediately regretted the wording but the damage was done. Now my fiancé's family is furious with me. His son is not speaking to me. My fiancé thinks I should apologize and reconsider. My mom said she understands my feelings but that I could have said it more gently
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    I feel like I am being pressured to fake a perfect family dynamic for everyone else's comfort and it feels so wrong. But I also feel awful for hurting his son's feelings.. AITAH for how I handled this?
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    Cheezburger Image 10503365376
    via Unsplash+ (A. C.)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Commenters gave their two cents on whether they thought this was reasonable.

    Dull_Professor9082 • 2h ago It's your wedding, not some family performance. You deserve to have that moment feel real, not staged for everyone else's feelings.
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    2... • • 1h ago Edited 14m ago Usually the son would be best man. Any discussion of the son walking the bride would be moot. If not the best man, he should at least be a groomsman. This ALL should have been hashed out before it was presented to the son. NTA
    via u/2dogslife
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    777ErinWilson · 1h ago To be honest, why does his family know about a conversation/disagreement that was between the two of you? That is a heck nah for me.
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    Osniffable 1h ago Sounds like maybe you should think about postponing the wedding until you have a few conversations with your fiancee.
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    • Open_Equal_1515 2h ago not at all.. you're not the a h_le here. this is such a deeply personal moment for you, tied to your love for your dad, and it's completely fair to want it to feel authentic and meaningful to you. wanting your uncle or yourself to walk you down the aisle isn't a rejection of your fiancé's son.. it's just honoring your own story.
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    that said i think your heart was in the right place and your words just came out in the heat of emotion. it happens. if anything a gentle follow-up conversation with his son just to explain where you were coming from (and maybe apologize for how it was worded) could help ease the tension without compromising what you feel is right.
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    you're allowed to protect the sacredness of that moment. don't let anyone make you feel guilty for that
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    Limefruitgum • 2h ago . Honey, you are NTA!! That is extremely bold of your fiance to assume that you would be okay with that. He should not have discussed it with his son prior to talking to you about it. It is completely understandable
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    that you would not what him to walk you down the aisle, particularly due to your father's passing and the fact that following him passing away you have decided what you would like to do instead, i.e. you walking yourself down the aisle or your uncle doing it which I think is a - beautiful idea.
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    Maybe sit down with your husband and explain the sentiment and why it is a lot deeper than simply being accompanied walking to the alter. I'm sorry this happened, he has now put you in an uncomfortable situation and that isn't fair.
    via u/Limefruitgum
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    You could always see if you could incorporate his son into the ceremony in a less intense and symbolic way. Maybe allow him to be a ring barer or accompany a bridesmaid down the aisle. Wishing you all the best and don't let this make you feel guilty, you are completely entitled to choose who you want walking you down the aisle, whether that be yourself or your uncle.
    via u/Limefruitgum
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    JustAslCanBeSoCr... 1h ago . NTA, a little harsh, but I find it much weirder that the 18 year old wasn't automatically put in the role. as best man. He absolutely should have a role in the wedding, but walking the bride down the aisle
    via u/JustAslCanBeSoCruel
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    is...such a very strange suggestion. That's for giving away the bride...how in the world would a stepson be giving away his stepmother? That makes no sense. His family is being ridiculous. He is being ridiculous. I entirely blame them for his son's reaction.
    via u/JustAslCanBeSoCruel
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    I would be reconsidering whether or not your fiancé is ready for marriage when he is reacting like this and purposefully causing drama.
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    MountainWorking5... • 1h ago He should've talked to you before his son... Not the other way around. That's manipulative b.s. and maybe he did it that way on purpose. And if it's so important for his son to be included why isn't he a groomsman???
    via u/MountainWorking5454
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    Echo-Azure ⚫ 1h ago FYI the son has no desire to walk you down the aisle. It's your fiancee who wants to blend families, not the son.
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    LemonLady1424 · 1h ago "He said it would be symbolic, a way of showing that we are officially becoming one family" Is having a wedding not enough of a symbol? NTA
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    Jenk1972 1h ago • NTA So you had an argument with your fiance. and he ran and told his family everything you said? That's a bigger problem than him expecting his son who you don't have a deep relationship with to do something that holds a special place for a bride.
    via u/Jenk1972
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    AND he talked to his son about it before even mentioning it to you. So many issues here.
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    . Fearless_Jump_792 1h ago I like the idea of your uncle walking you down the aisle. Did you tell your fiancé about what you wanted to do before he told his son.
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    turquoise_turtle83 • 2h ago I think your strong reaction is understandable given how your fiance totally over stepped by pitching this for his son without first getting you on board. It would be graceful to aoologize but obviously he needs to apologize also.
    via u/turquoise_turtle83
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    I don't live in a country where "giving the bride away" is a thing cause its considered a very patriarchal thing, so i find the whole thing wierd but that your stepson would "give you away" is just bizarre.
    via u/turquoise_turtle83

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