Mom demands sister and brother-in-law fly out to babysit her 18-month-old son while she goes on vacation, flips out when they request reimbursement for the flights: 'We're in saving mode right now'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 5, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

One of many great things about feeling close to family is the ability to ask them for help. It is nice to know that those you are related to have your back when it comes to those situations that would be a lot more difficult to get through without a support network to rely on.

At the same time, there are usually limits when it comes to what a person can ask of their family members. These aren't always the most clear-cut; it's good to abide by some basic ground rules, like being ready to return the favor and even providing some financial compensation where necessary. It's important to communicate about mutual expectations.

Unfortunately, this doesn't always happen. Some people take for granted that their relatives will have their backs unconditionally, and this isn't always the case. While it can seem harsh, this can often be for reasons that are understandable. 

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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Perhaps one of the most common favors that people ask of their family members is babysitting, something which one man and his partner were prepared to do when her sister asked them if they would care for her 18-month-old son while she and his father went on an international vacation. While the couple agreed to the task, they would also have to fly to care for their nephew.

    Because of this, they requested that they be reimbursed for their flights. The mom wasn't happy, citing the amount of money that she and her partner had already spent on their holiday. Her brother-in-law wanted to know if their behavior had been unacceptable.

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    My partner and I agreed to fly out to watch her 1.5-year-old nephew for a week while his parents go on an international vacation. The trip has been planned for a while, and they asked her if we could stay at their place and take care of him while they're away. We both love the little guy and were happy to help-but we're starting to feel a bit weird about how it's playing out. We wouldn't be making this trip if it weren't for the babysitting. We're in saving mode right now and weren't planning to
    via jwall0804
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    When my partner brought it up, her sister said she "wished she'd known sooner" and that they're broke after paying for the trip. Now there's this underlying tension, like we were out of line for even asking. I've stayed out of the conversation myself—this has all been between my partner and her sister-but I'm supporting her, and we're both starting to feel taken for granted. It's not about trying to make money off the situation. But it's hard not to feel a little used when we're doing them a hug
    via jwall0804
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    Cheezburger Image 10501936128
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Outsiders were split on who was in the wrong here.

    Momadvice1982 Esh. You for not asking about reimbursemenf before agreeing and booking your flights. Your inlaws for not making the conditions more clear and expecting you to pay for the privilige of babysitting their child. Lesson learned: don't agree with anything before it's clear what the conditions are.
    via Momadvice1982
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    Ok-Knowledge9154 100% but now if you are still going to fly out to babysit make sure that you're clear that they need to grocery shop before they leave so the fridge and cupboards are stocked for the week, add any items you specifically need, and since you are going to do stuff they do need to leave at least a small fun fund to use on their child.
    via Ok-Knowledge9154
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    Radiant Seremiss Exactly! OP did a huge favor and it's not unreasonable to expect some help with travel costs when the whole trip was for babysitting. It s ks that expectations weren't clear on either side, but it definitely feels like OP is being taken for granted. This should've been discussed upfront, but OP's frustration is totally valid.
    via Radiant_Seremiss
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    ESH. barbaramillicent I can't imagine asking my sibling to pay for to fly in and take a week of PTO to watch my kid without any sort of reimbursement or compensation. That's insane. But also, this would have been all avoided if you would have just asked before buying the flights. "We'd love to come watch nephew, but money is tight right now. Will you cover the flights?" And if they declined, you could have declined to come. You should never expect anyone to cover anything if it isn't stated. It
    via barbaramillicent
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    ESH loolilool It was bold of them to assume you would be willing to take PTO and pay for your own flight to take care of their kid. But it was foolish of you to assume they were paying without discussing it. You all get an F in communication.
    via loolilool
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    RumSoakedChap I don't know why you would agree to fly somewhere without being clear on who was paying for it. I mean you guys are NTA but this should have been discussed before anything was booked.
    via RumSoakedChap
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    Existing_Fox_6317 NTA. I find it shocking that someone would expect anyone to use PTO and buy a flight to spend a week babysitting someone else's kid. Not only should they have paid the flight but they should also be compensating you for your time. And why the h || are "broke" people going on an international vacation when they have a baby to care for? They should have savings. They can't afford this trip.
    via Existing_Fox_6317
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    Mmm_lemon_cakes "Yippeee! I'm using my money and PTO to take a trip to Europe! You? No, you use your money and PTO to come take care of my kid while I go to Europe." Yeah, this is weird.
    via Mmm_lemon_cakes
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    SnooPets8873 ESH this is something that you talk about, not assume and then stay silent until the plans are hard to rework.
    via SnooPets8873
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    Reasonable-Sale8611 Why on earth are you using your PTO to babysit their child? PTO is precious!!!!!!!! They have a kid now. Normally what parents do when they go on vacation is take their kid with them. Why can't they do that??????
    via Reasonable-Sale8611
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    Dense-Passion-2729 ESH the details should have all been worked out ahead of agreeing
    via Dense-Passion-2729
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    November-8485 NTA. They should have offered from the start and this is absolutely taking advantage of your friendship. You weren't out of line for asking, they were out of line for asking without considering what it was going to be really asking of you.
    via November-8485
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    Odd_Task8211 NTA. I understand why some people are say everybody sks because you did not clarify up front, but what kind of entitled a hole thanks it is OK to ask someone to fly to their location to babysit for a week, and does not offer to pay for it? They are expecting you to subsidize their vacation. I would say no to that ask.
    via Odd_Task8211
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    Magic-Happens-Here ESH, except the toddler, he's cool. Seriously, who books flights and just assumes someone ks for asking else is going to pay for them? The sister s you watch their kid for a week for free - this ask is beyond the pale.
    via Magic-Happens-Here
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    uniqueme1 Technically NAH if there was no discussion about it. Especially if you already booked the flights. But seriously, who asks for such a favor without offering at least? Do they though also assume you'll be covering the food and other expenses for their own child while they are gone? There is no doubt you're being taken for granted, and perhaps as a childless couple there is that bias saying your time is worth less.
    via uniqueme1
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    Datonecatladyukno Are you expected to pay for food, diapers, and supplies the whole week too? This is one expensive favor. A week PTO, flights, weeks of supplies. Might as well pay for their vacation too
    via Datonecatladyukno
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    NTA. LightPhotographer Parents of a toddler can go on vacation with their toddler. It's different but becoming a parent means your life changes. They want something but are unwilling to pay for the cost. You should have brought it up earlier but better late than never. Of course they claim they don't have the money - they hope you will cough it up for the privilege of letting them go on a child-free holiday.
    via LightPhotographer
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    OllieOllieOxenfry NTA - I am the mother of a 1.5 year old. We are going on a trip and having relatives watch our baby soon. I would NEVER ask them to pay for anything to come to a favor, ESPECIALLY if they were using precious PTO. I agree it was on both parties to address this sooner up front, but I can get why you assumed. Lesson learned for next time, but NTA to the point where you shouldn't have asked or be reimbursed.
    via OllieOllieOxenfry
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    weezyfurd NTA and shocked by any comment that suggests otherwise. They're asking a huge favor of you, it's super presumptuous of them to assume you'd just pay for a flight to do it. It's common courtesy to pay for the flights and lodging if something doing a favor like this, and anyone who suggests otherwise lacks any self awareness.
    via weezyfurd
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    Qq189 NTA. I cant believe all the ESH. If you're doing the favor they should be paying you or paying for your flight. Next they will ask you to pay to feed their kid
    via Qq189
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    TemporaryPosting NTA. When they first asked you to babysit they should've offered to buy your tickets, putting them on a credit card if necessary. If you think they are good for the money, and can manage without being reimbursed immediately, ask them to pay you back over the next few weeks or months. Might be a good idea to include the cost of any transport to/from airports, or if you are renting a vehicle while you're there. Also make sure that they are leaving you with enough food and other su
    via TemporaryPosting
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    Chickens_n_Kittens I side with you- you are both being egregiously taken advantage of! Out of curiosity, who usually watches their child during the day? Because if they normally pay someone, they also could be banking $$ from daycare! We lived far from family when our's were young and always arranged airfare if we needed help- like in this situation- even if it was from grandparents who are well off. If, however, grandparents were coming to visit on their own schedule, they covered their own tra
    via Chickens_n_Kittens

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