Is It Worth It to Stick Around After You Get the Ick? Wise Women of the Web Weigh in on Following Your Intuition

When you're in the early stages of a relationship, it can be difficult to sort through what is actually a red flag, and what might be a weird little nitpick that will lead to nothing if you scrutinize it for too long. While it's best not to act immediately when you find yourself getting an ick, it is wise to treat it ias something of an intuitive red flag to keep your eye on moving forward. 

I once got the ick from my college boyfriend, who, upon watching an entire documentary disproving the Flat Earth Theory, proceeded to insist that it still might be true because he hadn't seen that the Earth is round with his own eyes. I didn't break up with him immediately, but his distrust of facts and impulsive urge to be a contrarian only led to more struggles down the line. 

It seems that most women agree that while many icks might seems a bit unreasonable at first, they tend to signal incompatability issues for the relationship as a whole. Scroll down to read what advice these wise women of the web have to give for when you get the ick!

Author image for Ely Bulnes Ely Bulnes
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  • 01

    Those of you who had an ick with someone you were dating and pushed past it, how did it turn out?

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    via Syda Productions

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  • 02
    Edit: just to clarify, I'm talking about superficial icks like the way they laugh or walk or something - Not things that reflect profound values, beliefs or behaviours
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  • 03
    poontangpooter It reappears as an ick again when they you off
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  • 04
    datgirldd wait this is so real
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  • 05
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    via Timur Weber from Pexels

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  • 06
    Fun-Butterfly-4662 Pushed past it, yes, but it still resurfaced every now and then (especially when fighting or on bad days). When the relationship ended I realized the 'icks' had actually built up. Obviously it depends on the ick and how major it is (in lack of better words), but I think it's hard to let go if it's something the person regularly does
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  • 07
    thanarealnobody We really should listen to our intuitions. It lead to me dealing with a lot of stress and difficulties that I wish I saved myself from.
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  • Before this thread, I never considered that getting an ick might be an intuitive response! Color me convinced. 

  • 08
    Brushed Your TeethYet Registered counsellor here - the "ick" is usually a gut instinct that should be listened to. I say usually, because there can be times where trauma finds healthy relationships or commitment scary. But even clients I have supported with a very strong "ick"
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  • 09
    reflex tend to be more correct than not. From what i've seen, it's not just X gives me the ick, it's a pattern recognition that if a person does X they usually have beliefs or values or other behaviours that aren't compatible with what they want from a partner.
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  • 10
    laikocta Lots of wasted time and hurt feelings that probably wouldn't have been half as bad if I had just ended it earlier.
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  • 11
    I have learned to trust the ick as a bodily signal that I'm just not super into that person, even when my brain hasn't caught up yet.
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  • 12
    JadeSmith196 THIS. It never went away even if it seemingly did for months at a time and I was able to "push through" towards the end, it always came back.
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  • 13
    Then I found myself thinking: why the h I did I try to push back on things like that? Should've taken it as a sign and moved on.
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  • 14
    lostkoalas Yes! I used to think that I was being judgmental for no reason but now I think that my mind just unconsciously knows that we're not right for each other, and is looking for a way to justify walking away from the relationship. It's more acceptable, I suppose, to end it for a tangible reason (no matter how silly or small) than for "just" a gut feeling.
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  • 15
    PBcookieLover I still have the ick and I borderline resent him rn
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  • 16
    spicypretzelcrumbs I'm in the same boat. The resentment is deep.
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  • 17
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  • 18
    taylortriesadulthood it depends on what you consider to be an ick. I saw an ex's boogers once and like yeah that was gross but it's a normal bodily function.
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  • 19
    on the other hand, I've also gotten the ick when someone can't plan something on their own (even like a date/party or something) and that's more of a personality trait that is harder to move past.
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  • 20
    Sewergoddess I won't say what the ick was, but it actually several SIGNIFICANT and not trivial things. Anyway, I ignored them for MONTHS, and those icks kept getting worse, until they were overwhelming. If they are minor icks, or a one time thing, you can learn to ignore or accept them most of the time. If they are significant, it just gets worse. Trust me.
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  • 21
    Traditional-Seat6264 Didn't work out. Definitely a sign that they aren't right for you because it crossed the subconscious line of your morals/ interests/ beliefs/ etc.
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  • 22
    SapientSlut Minor ick - pushed past it and it's fine. Major ick... didn't bode well.
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  • I agree that it completely depends on what the ick in question is and whether or not you can imagine living with this sort of thing for the rest of your life. 

  • 23
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  • 24
    Avandria It totally depends upon the ick. When I was younger, I had a thing where when the initial crush stage ended around three months in, I would start to notice all of the negative things about them and move on. I had to grow the h I up and realize that I was just starting to see the actual person. That's young love, though.
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  • 25
    As an older adult, I have learned that almost everyone has something that will give the ick if you hang around long enough. If everything else about the person checks the right boxes, it's entirely possible to get over most icks. You just have to decide which types of icks are deal breakers for you and which ones you can live with.
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  • 26
    My husband is an extremely gassy man, and I have a very sensitive smell. The first time he spent the night at my house, I was convinced I had managed to give him food poisoning because of the horrible sounds coming from my bathroom. We are still
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  • 27
    together over ten years later. It took me a couple of years, but I finally managed to convince him that he was lactose intolerant. It took a while because he was nearly forty years old, and everyone had just been acting like that was a normal thing his entire life.
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  • 28
    tangerineb hole I realized I was just afraid of a healthy relationship. My "ick" was how nice and communicative he was lol. We were together for a few years, I learned a lot, and we're still friends.
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  • 29
    _whatwouldrbgdo_ Ok controversial take here maybe - we got married and I'm super duper happy now! My husband and I met pretty young and he was really shy and hadn't had much experience with girls and life in general and I found it quite icky to have to almost be his
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  • 30
    mom sometimes to show him how to navigate adult life and make every freaking decision for us. He had this specific unsure look that he would give me which was my cue to take over and handle whatever it was and man I did not find that attractive!
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  • 31
    I wasn't sure if I could handle it for a while, but he was so sweet and kind in other ways that I stuck with it. 8 years later he's grown and matured SO MUCH and has really blossomed into a confident and strong personality and it's been great :)
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  • 32
    Sometimes when he's stressed (like when he got bad news about his dad's health) he regresses back to being passive and indecisive and I feel it again, but I'm really glad I stuck it out!
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