Woman calls off wedding after finding out fiancé has a secret bank account with $27000, he has been stealing money from their shared account: 'He was stealing from you then lied about it'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 18, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

We should all be empowered to take care of our own finances. It's not easy to rely on someone else. Plus, you never know when that relationship might end or change or leave you empty-handed with no place to go. This is why it's important to keep a pile of money just for you. Maybe you even keep it a secret from everyone else. That's okay. You're allowed to have your in case of emergency funds. Your little nest egg that nobody is allowed to touch but you. 

You never know when you might get sick of your life and need to go live in a cabin in Maine for a couple of months. That money is there for you to be able to do that. This doesn't mean, though, that you are allowed to deceive the people closest to you. It's one thing to keep a secret, and it's another thing to implicate someone in that secret. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10506217728
    via Zachary Kadolph

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened in this relationship where a man thought he was squirreling away funds for himself, but his future wife saw that a little differently. AKA he was stealing from her and hoped she wouldn't notice. Read on for the details and see what you think. 

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    AITAH for canceling my wedding after finding out my fiancé had a secret second bank account?

    I called off my wedding last month after discovering that my fiancé who I'd been with for 4 years, had a completely hidden second bank account and I'm still getting a lot of backlash from friends and family who think I overreacted. We had been
    via u/justfrostbyte
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    planning our wedding for a year. Deposits were made, guests invited, dress bought. We had already merged most of our finances in preparation for marriage. We sat down together months ago and agreed on full financial transparency going. forward. We even talked about long-term financial goals like
    via u/justfrostbyte
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    buying a house, saving for kids and retirement. I thought we were on the same page. A few weeks before the wedding, I was doing some paperwork for the joint account when I noticed something odd: a deposit was missing. Not a small one either but $2,500 that he said he had transferred to the joint account was never there. When I asked
    via u/justfrostbyte
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    him about it, he brushed it off and said it was probably a mistake that would show up eventually. That didn't sit right with me. So I did something I never thought I'd do I checked his emails on our shared tablet. I know that's not great, and I don't feel good about it, but my gut told me something was wrong. That's when I found notifications for an entirely separate checking account in a different bank under his name only. The balance? Over $27,000.
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    I confronted him immediately. At first, he lied. Said it was old that he forgot about it. Then he admitted he'd been quietly funneling money from our joint earnings into that account for the last year and a half. His reason? Just in case. In case what? He couldn't really explain. He said it was a backup plan, that he grew up poor and it made him feel safer. But he never once
    via u/justfrostbyte
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    mentioned this during any of our financial planning conversations. He just kept it secret. I wasn't angry about the money itself. I was angry about the deception. I asked him: If you can lie about something this big before marriage, how can I trust you after we're legally bound to each other for life? He told me I was being dramatic. That it's normal
    via u/justfrostbyte
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    for people to keep some money separate. But this wasn't a personal savings account we discussed it was hidden. When I told him I needed time to think, he got defensive. Then, when I told him I was postponing the wedding, he lost it said I was humiliating him, that I was overreacting, that I was throwing away a future over a technicality.
    via u/justfrostbyte
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    His mother called me the next day, furious. She said I was selfish for ruining all the wedding plans and judging him for being smart with money. Some of my friends think I should've just talked it through and gone to couples counseling. One even said I'm lucky he's a saver and that most women would kill to have a man who's financially
    via u/justfrostbyte
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    responsible.But to me, it wasn't about the money. It was about trust. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not a secret competition. AITA for canceling my wedding over a hidden bank account?
    via u/justfrostbyte
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    Cheezburger Image 10506218496
    via KaLisa Veer

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Commenters came to her defense about the choices she made.

    Every-Rip704 • 2h ago A private bank account might be smart. A private bank account that siphons money from a shared account is theft. NTA, and you were absolutely right to run.
    via u/Every-Rip704
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    Sad Bathroom1448 • 2h ago Exactly this. I don't really have that much of a problem with the secret account when you're not married yet. But the part where he's taking money intended for you and lying about it is a huge problem and not something you'll ever be able to get past, I don't think
    via u/Sad_Bathroom1448
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    Eastern_Condition... • 2h ago NTA. He was stealing from you then lied about it.
    via u/Eastern_Condition863
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    Winter-Pollution6... 2h ago OP he took money from - your joint earrings to fund a secret account. You're definitely NTA. He just led you to a minefield filled with red flags.
    via u/Winter-Pollution6321
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    Nacho0o0o00 2h ago lol, he wasn't a saver... he was a taker
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    HoldFast02 · 2h ago NTA. While I think both parties in a relationship or marriage should have their own emergency fund in case they need it, that's something to be discussed and mutually agreed upon. It's certainly not something you do in secret, and least of all something you take out of the joint earnings.
    via u/HoldFast02
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    iknowsomethings2 • 2h ago NTA. He STOLE money from your joint account. If it's his own money, fine, still not great communication etc. I would ask for your part of the money back and contact a lawyer just in case. He stole from you. He's broken your trust, he's not trustworthy, that is not a good base for a marriage.
    via u/iknowsomethings2
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    WaryScientist • 2h ago NTA, but I would immediately separate your funds out of the joint account - he's already shown he doesn't mind stealing from you.
    via u/WaryScientist
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    Trishshirt5678 · 2h ago Where's your half, op? Has he given it back to you? Please, for your future, get rid.
    via u/Trishshirt5678
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    themistycrystal · 2h ago It's one thing to have a separate account. I think everyone should have some money squirreled away that no one else can touch. It's another thing entirely to take money from a shared account to put in a secret account.
    via u/themistycrystal
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    KronkLaSworda ⚫2h ago > Then he admitted he'd been quietly funneling money from our joint earnings into that account for the last year and a half. That's theft. Textbook, even. NTA to call it off completely. My ex's habit of hiding money and debt was the main reason I filed for divorce.
    via u/KronkLaSworda
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    . Crazy4Swayze420 • 2h ago NTA. He was stealing from you. This situation could easily be argued as basically a hot pot con for money. My question would be could you ever trust him again? At least you found it before the wedding. He also just
    via u/Crazy4Swayze420
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    demonstrated he doesn't feel safe or trust you enough to be honest and by his logic I could say he already has one foot out the door and maybe he did. Run his con long enough build up enough money and then just leave. I obviously don't think he intended for it just to be about money but when you look at what he is doing I still come to same spot. Honey pot con for money
    via u/Crazy4Swayze420
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    ReaderReacting • 2h ago NTA. Imagine all the lies he told you. And you still can't be sure why he had it. His answer could be.... A lie. That's the issue. That and he was stealing money from you (as he was taking the money from your joint
    via u/ReaderReacting
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    account). Oh, and he thinks you are stupid! Lie, "Transfer isn't there? It will show up eventually." He thinks you are stupid enough to believe that. He thought you were stupid enough to believe his "full transparency" lies. He conned you into being transparent while he was hiding his theft and stolen funds from you.
    via u/ReaderReacting
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    So we have: Con man Liar Thief Thinks you are stupid Marriage? H I NO! Liar
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    . JustAnotherK8Lady 2h ago NTA-sounds like he was going to use you for money. and run off. And only God knows what else he is lying about or would lie about after the wedding.
    via u/JustAnotherK8Lady
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    theworldisonfire8... • 2h ago To be clear, he was taking shared funds and putting them in his own personal account "just in case"?? HI no, you did not overreact. I would have called it all off as well. He wasn't being smart, he was stealing from you AND he had an exit plan. Nope. Boy bye!
    via u/theworldisonfire8377

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long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage aita relationship marriage relationship status relationship-drama reddit story marriage-drama relationships finances story reddit thread Reddit money healthy relationship
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