Employee graciously lends 29-year-old coworker a dress for vacation, coworker avoids her attempts to get it back despite having regular conversations at work: “I can't wrap my head around the complete avoidance”

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
May 22, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

When you are a good, upstanding citizen, it is easy to project and assume that others hold the same values. So, if you borrow something, and you know you'll do anything in your power to get it back to its owner as soon as possible – and in great condition – you would be tempted to make the assumption others would do the same for you! However, the rule of thumb when it comes to lending things is to never lend out anything that you wouldn't mind never seeing again. 

That's not to say that all people are greedy sneaks that will hoard your belongings at any cost; accidents happen, too. That wasn't the case in our story today, though. Our protagonist's coworker does, indeed, seem to be a greedy sneak. After borrowing our protagonist's dress for a vacation, she refuses to give it back; she just completely ignores any mention of it despite having regular conversations with her. It's like she's trying to will our protagonist to forget about it. 

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  • 01

    Co-worker borrowed my dress, won't return it, and keeps dodging me.

    "Whatever happened - forgot it, stained, dog ate it - just let me know."
    via AriWasabi

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    A few weeks ago, my co-worker 29F went on a trip and I let her borrow a beautiful dress. I know the risks of lending clothes and I was totally fine with it that's not the issue here.
    via u/ascii_matter
  • 03
    She came back, said thanks, even brought me a small gift from her trip. I assumed she'd return the dress the next day... but she didn't.
    via u/ascii_matter
  • 04
    A week later, I texted: "Hey girl! I'm separating clothes for the dry cleaner and wanted to include the dress I let you. Just bring it to work and I'll throw it in the bag! My daughter is in love with MY bracelet lol." She ignored it.
    via u/
  • 05
    A few days later, I messaged her about something unrelated and she replied, so clearly I wasn't blocked or anything.
    via u/ascii_matter
  • 06
    Three weeks passed and I followed up on Teams: "Hey girl! I keep forgetting to ask! Can you bring the dress tomorrow? I need to lend it to a friend for a photoshoot." Ignored again.
    via u/ascii_matter
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10508373504
    via pixelshot

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    Finally, I sent a last follow-up: "Hey girl! Good - morning! I think you saw my message but were busy. Listen if anything happened to the dress, please don't stress. I won't be mad. I just don't want to be ignored. I was planning to lend it to someone and need to know if I should figure out a Plan B.
    via u/ascii_matter
  • 09
    Whatever happened - forgot it, stained, dog ate it - just let me know. We're good regardless." Still nothing.
    via u/ascii_matter
  • 10
    This morning she came to my desk all cheerful and said, "I have great news!" I said (playfully), "Are you finally gonna tell me what happened with my dress? I'm actually betting on it with people at this point lol."
    via u/ascii_matter
  • 11
    She completely deflected and started talking about some work stuff that had nothing to do with me. I even said, "I'd like to know about that other thing," and she just... kept rambling about unrelated things. No acknowledgment at all.
    via u/ascii_matter
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10508373760
    via izusek

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    At this point, I'm honestly baffled. I've given her so many chances to just be honest. I wouldn't be mad - things happen! But I can't wrap my head around the complete avoidance. ―
    via u/ascii_matter
  • 14
    What would you do? Has this ever happened to you? What do you think happened to the dress? I'm losing hope but also don't want to just let this go. I'm approachable and I've made this so easy for her. I don't get it.
    via u/ascii_matter

  • It's like she's delusional and thinks that she can unspeak the dress out of existence if she continues ignoring its existance. 

  • 15
    rototheros I would walk up to her desk and say "where is my dress?"
    via u/rototheros
  • 16
    Square_Band9870 yup. Any time she says anything else. "cool, what about the dress". you just keep repeating it until you get an answer. then stop by her house to pick it up when you know she's home.
    via u/Square_Band9870
  • 17
    ChumbawumbaFan01 Absolutely. This "hay gurl nonsense needs to stop. This person stole your dress and you will not see it again. There is no benefit to coddling her. You need to directly address this with her.
    via u/ChumbawumbaFan01
  • 18
    Lazy-Sundae-7728 OP could try "Hey girl. I really want my dress back, and if you don't bring it tomorrow I'll be filing the paperwork at the Small Claims Court".
    via u/Lazy-Sundae-7728
  • 19
    Ashamed_File6955 This. And send her a pic of the forms before they are filled out.
    via u/Ashamed_File6955
  • 20
    SMALL CLAIMS COURT HEARING Court
    via HailShadow

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 21
    Linzcro OP, this is the advice you need. I am a very timid person and this sort of thing would be so hard for me to say, but we (me, you, and my daughter who let a friend "borrow" her brand new Uggs) need to stop these people from taking advantage of our kindness.
    via u/Linzcro
  • 22
    I am sure OP will never see that dress again, but hopefully lesson learned about lending acquaintances anything at all. At this point I don't. even want to lend moochers a pen.
    via u/Linzcro

  • That will definitely get her attention! That or just going to HR about it – especially because she is specifically ignoring her at work when she brings it up. 

  • 23
    Gullible_Mode_1141 I would turn up at her front door with your friend. All excitedly say she was so excited to have it for the photoshoot you thought you would pop in and collect it to save her the bother of bringing it into work.
    via u/Gullible_Mode_1141
  • 24
    iammeinnh I lent multiple outfits to a friend when she went on vacation. Never saw them again. She offered to let me come go through things she no longer wears. I didn't want to change nice clothes I wear for her discards. We are no longer friends.
    via u/iammeinnh
  • 25
    ascii_matter OP This is awful. So sorry it happened with you. Ugh man. What a situation. The nerve too.
    via u/ascii_matter
  • 26
    Katty Whompus_ She wants to keep it and doesn't know how to say so, so is hoping you'll eventually quit asking for it.
    via u/Katty_Whompus_
  • 27
    ascii_matter OP I thought about it, but I GIVE ME BACK BRO. Go find another one in Poshmark or something.
    via u/ascii_matter
  • 28
    And there_was_2_1 At this point send her a venmo request for the replacement cost.
    via u/And_there_was_2_1
  • 29
    here4cmmts This is a great idea. Since she won't address the "where's my dress" question. Just send her a bill to reimburse you the cost of the dress.
    via u/here4cmmts
  • 30
    ace_in_space I can't be the only person bucking to have this confrontation on your behalf. Especially since you've already let her off the hook (if it's lost, or ruined, or dog ate it). That's the part I can't get over. Now I need to know.
    via u/ace_in_space
  • 31
    OP, you got so close! You brought it up directly! I don't know how you let her off the hook, though. Awkward, prolonged, uncomfortable eye contact is your friend here. She's betting you will squirm before she does. And thus far, she's been right.
    via u/ace_in_space

Tags

terrible coworkers friendship fashion employee toxic-workplace Female Empowerment Professional At Work work coworkers relationships coworker bestie workplace in the workplace
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