Southern California father, tired of 24-year-old college dropout barista daughter’s requests for money, insists on asking about her return to school every time: ‘She is wasting the opportunity to have an easier path we worked so hard to provide for her’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
May 23, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Modern parenthood is a journey paved with good intentions, empty tuition receipts, and the endless hope that hard-earned wisdom will stick, preferably before the next rent request arrives. For any parent who clawed their way up from nothing, the idea of handing over money "no strings attached" isn't just unrealistic, it's an insult to every penny saved and opportunity denied so their kids could skip the struggle.

The mother in today's story is an embodiment of generational sacrifice, sees her daughter's stalled college plans as a missed exit ramp onto the highway of stability, which she worked decades to build. Each request for money isn't simply a plea for help,  it's a fresh reminder of every hardship overcome, every penny collected, and the future she dreamed her child would grab with both hands. When her daughter takes offense at the familiar refrain about school, it's not just teenage rebellion recycled for adulthood—it's a clash of narratives: self-reliance versus safety, freedom versus security, the immigrant parent's survival instinct versus Gen Z's search for meaning and caffeine.

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  • "AITAH for always asking my daughter when she’s going back to school every time she asked for money?"

    "My daughter dropped out of college... has asked me for financial help"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • If the mother’s advice lands with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, it’s only because she’s terrified that the doors she pried open will be closed by her child’s own choices. And from that perspective, withholding money isn’t abandonment—it’s faith that, eventually, her daughter will find stability by standing on her own two feet.

  • My daughter (24F) dropped out of college after 2 years and is now working as a barista. She moved in with her boyfriend after dropping out but they are having
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  • financial issues because he works as a server and their combined income doesn't go very far here in Southern California. My
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  • 19 OPEN
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • daughter has asked me for financial help a few times the past year and whenever she did I would ask her when she is going
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  • back to school. At first she would say she's still trying to figure it out but recently she blew up and told me and my wife that she is an adult and let her live her own
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  • life. I told her to go ahead and be an adult and stop asking us for money. That being an adult means taking responsibility. We haven't spoken since.
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  • OPEN
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I know always asking her when she's going back to school created some pressure, but it wasn't like we were forcing her to go back to college and get a degree of our choosing. We
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  • would pay for her tuition and living expenses like before as long as she goes back to college or go to a trade school so she can
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  • get a better paying job and be more financially stable. The situation is very frustrating for my wife and I because we both grew up poor in developing countries
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  • (different countries in Southeast Asia) and our families struggled after immigrating to the US. My wife and I waited until we were in
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  • our 30's and financially stable before having kids so they didn't have to go through the struggles we did. It feels like a slap in the
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  • face that she is wasting the opportunity to have an easier path we worked so hard to provide for her.
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  • So AITAH for always asking my daughter when she's going back to schook every time she asked for money?
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  • AffectionateBadger29 No. It's your money so you ask as you seem fit. If she doesn't like it, then she needs to do something about it. It sounds harsh but she won't understand with gentle parenting
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  • Global Ad6248 If she is an adult living her own life, she doesn't need her parents' money. It's perfectly reasonable for parents of healthy adult children to only provide financial support if said adult child is getting an education.
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  • I am sorry that your daughter doesn't see the value of an education, especially after all your hard work. I think you should try to keep the door open for further communication, but
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  • you certainly don't need to give her money if she's not getting an education. If she wants to be an adult who makes her own choices, she can live with them.
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  • Beneficial_Test_5917 "An adult living their own life" borrows from Main Street Bank, not Parents' Bank. :)))
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