33-year-old dad plans to break up with his toxic girlfriend of 3 years while his 5 and 9-year-old kids are staying with their mom for summer vacation: 'I want my kids to live in a house that doesn’t silently revolve around managing someone else’s mood.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jun 1, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

It is exhausting living with somebody who cannot regulate their emotions. We expect kids of all ages to be able to refrain from whining and to pretend to be happy when they're sad, but those standards are not always as high for their adult counterparts. Many adults just let whatever emotion they're feeling take over, thinking little of how their outburst will affect the people around them. I'm not saying we need to be constantly suppressing our emotions so that none of our friends or family members are ever uncomfortable. But you need to have enough self-awareness to know when you need to deal with your feelings privately instead of out in the open where everyone can see them. If you're having an emotional breakdown mutiple times a week, you might need to seek professional help instead of solely relying on your partner or family to pick up the pieces. 

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  • 01

    AITA for planning to break up with my girlfriend while my kids are at their mom’s because I just want peace in my own house?

    I (33M) have two kids (5 & 9) and have been in a relationship for about 3 years with a (29F) who now lives with us. It started off fine. Fun, a little chaotic, but I've always had a soft spot for people who need "fixing" (yes, that's on me, I know).
    via u/Guava_Careless

  • The dad in this story took a stand against his girlfriend and her immature emotional coping skills. When his kids were away for summer vacation at their mom's house an hour away, he made plans to make sure the came back to a much calmer house than the one they left. 

  • 02
    Long story short, she moved in a year and a half ago. Since then, my home, the place I built as a safe, stable space for my kids, has become an emotional minefield.
    via u/Guava_Careless
  • 03
    Cheezburger Image 10512200960
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 04
    My girlfriend has regular "episodes" where small things, like my kid not saying hi fast enough, trigger huge guilt trips, shutdowns, or silent treatments. Every week feels like I'm defusing a bomb.
    via u/Guava_Careless
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10512201216
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06
    When she's not spiraling, she's complaining. About work, her weight, her family, my kids mom, the weather, my face, I don't even know anymore. And when I try to set boundaries or just ask for space, I'm hit with “I'm not respected here," "You never consider my feelings," or the classic "After everything I do for this family..."
    via u/Guava_Careless
  • 07
    Here's the kicker: she's not the kids' mom. Their actual mom (my ex) lives about an hour away and we co-parent. I do 95% of the parenting, financially support the house, and keep the emotional landscape steady so the kids have some sense of normalcy.
    via u/Guava_Careless
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10512201472
    via Ashton Bingham

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    Meanwhile, my girlfriend contributes about 20% of the rent, zero emotional regulation, and a constant cloud of resentment if things aren't about her.
    via u/Guava_Careless
  • 10
    I'm emotionally tapped out. I've already envisioned paying her to leave, literally offering her a few thousand dollars just to move out peacefully when the kids are with their mom. I don't hate her. I just want to go to bed without bracing for impact. I want my kids to live in a house that doesn't silently revolve around managing someone else's mood.
    via u/Guava_Careless
  • 11
    Am I overreacting for planning a quiet, structured breakup during summer break so I can finally feel like myself again? TIA
    via u/Guava_Careless
  • 12
    CantFazeMe247 Happiness in order: Kids then Yours. If she's making your life harder than it is then no. Also very respectful and mature for you to do this while the kids are away. If I goes well; have a nice meal with your kids and let them know
    via u/CantFazeMe247
  • 13
    M3g4d37h I too used to be attracted to crazy, but I decided in my fifties I needed to do better. Ended an ab ive marriage, and finished raising my kid on my own.
    via u/M3g4d37h
  • 14
    Kid is now grown and a productive adult, I took some years living on my own in order to break that cycle, and met a wonderful gal several years ago. Sometimes I feel like pinching myself, she's so normal and sweet and I finally have a real relationship in my 60s that I only dreamed of before. Mutual respect, and being prioritized are wonderful to feel and have.
    via u/M3g4d37h
  • 15
    OriginalDogeStar I just can't see why he has to pay her to leave, I mean ok, he might have to do the 30 days eviction, because i can see it being a clusterfluff on that side, but if he uses money to force her to leave, he will be hit back with funding her life even longer. Just 30days eviction, no money exchanged, the hobosexual emotional roller-coaster needs to leave.
    via u/OriginalDogeStar
  • 16
    InfamousFlan5963 I mean, he doesn't HAVE to pay her but generally the agreement is I pay you a lump sum and you leave ASAP, so you don't have to go through eviction process.
    via u/InfamousFlan5963
  • 17
    Id much rather pay a lump sum and have you move out tomorrow than deal with court system, paying for everything with it, and fighting you to get out and risking you damaging my home in the process. And the 30 day timer (if that's the same where OP is) doesn't start until the court order is in place, so it could take even longer than that, etc.
    via u/InfamousFlan5963
  • 18
    ArcticPiranh4 A breakup during summer break sounds like the perfect plan. It's like spring cleaning but for your emotional well-being. Who knew that out with the old could also mean out with the chaotic girlfriend.
    via u/ArcticPiranh4
  • 19
    arianalovely143 fr it's not even cold to do it during summer break?? it's strategic. the house'll be quiet, no kid stress, he can finally exhale without dodging a guilt trip every 6 mins.
    via u/arianalovely143
  • 20
    OddOllin No, you're not the a hole. You would be insane to do this while the kids are with you. It makes perfect sense that you're setting up an exit plan. If I was you, I would take extra effort to look into housing laws in your area just in case she tries to dig her heels in.
    via u/OddOllin
  • 21
    When you go for it, start by being plain and calm. Don't bargain. Don't feel responsible for her feelings. Don't cave to her lashing out. If she threatens to kill herself, do NOT allow yourself to feel responsible for her safety. If you start to feel that way, you need to report it.
    via u/OddOllin
  • 22
    Expect the worst, hope for the best. Do NOT offer her money right out the gate to leave. That is a back up plan, and if it comes to that, you must play it as though it is a huge inconvenience for you. Honestly, I would plan to have all of her she moved out right away.
    via u/OddOllin
  • 23
    Background NPC1213 Also: change the locks and get a doorbell camera
    via u/BackgroundNPC1213
  • 24
    Apprehensive War9612 This sounds like a perfect way to handle it. But once you have her out of the house, you are going to need to sit down with your kids and tell them that she moved out and make sure that they understand completely that it is not their fault. Don't just let them come home to surprise. She's not here.
    via u/Apprehensive_War9612
  • 25
    KLG999 NTA. Your priorities are in the right place. You and your children need a peaceful place to live. The only thing to consider is if the kids need a chance to say goodbye. It doesn't sound like they likely have any positive attachments, they may just be relieved
    via u/KLG999

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Dating-Relationships toxic relationships toxic kids ex girlfriend relationships girlfriend dad eviction breakup mom toxic relationship children Father moving out
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