Woman refuses to host 4th of July party after sister accuses her of being a “bad host” and insists she put a fence around pool for special needs 13-year-old: “She purposely kept less of an eye on him”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jun 10, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Parenting is a nonstop job. You don't get breaks, you don't get to relax when you have young children. You can turn your back for a few moments and when you look again your 3-year-old is head first in a dumpster. The pressure becomes extra daunting when your children are young and special needs. It takes a lot of patience, focus, and compassion to have a special needs child. If you have one, it's important to understand that you're the sole responsibility for them, and that no one else is obligated to bend over backwards. 

We sometimes put extra pressure on family members. It's easy to blur the lines between obligation, expectation, and boundaries when you're related to someone. It will never be like friends or acquaintances. There's a built in bond that goes beyond all of those things. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a woman who usually hosts 4th of July for the family. She changes her mind after a situation with her sister. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for causing my sister and her family to be excluded from the 4th of July?

    Cheezburger Image 10515533568
    via amriphoto from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So ever since my parents decided to sell their house and move my husband and I have become the de facto hosts for family events. We don't mind though.
    via u/BigWay3670

  • It makes sense that the narrator wouldn't want to host after the feud with her sister. Who wants to host after being told you're not a good host, and nearly forced to buy a pool fence for the few times a year your nephew comes over? Read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

  • 03
    The only issue we have is with one of my sisters. She has a 13 year old son on the spectrum and he is absolutely fascinated with dropping things in water. We
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 04
    have a pool so he always wants to drop things in the pool. But he will just grab anything he can find sneak over to the pool and lay
    via u/BigWay3670
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    Cheezburger Image 10515533824
    via vgajic from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    down on his stomach so he can drop whatever in the pool and watch it float or sink to the bottom.
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 07
    After the first time when he dropped mostly harmless stuff aside from a book. Still it was annoying to have to go diving for forks and other stuff. So we got
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 08
    him a big bucket full of pool toys and balls that we put by the pool for him. It didn't really work though because he gets bored
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 09
    with those things and will sneak all sorts of things from the yard or house into the pool.
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 10
    So I asked my sister to keep a better eye on him and my sister just suggested we get a pool fence. That however seems unnecessary and inconvenient
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 11
    since we don't have anyone with small children over. He and this issue would literally be the only reason to have a pool fence and he doesn't visit often to begin
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10515534080
    via edenexposed from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    with. So it doesn't seem worth the everyday inconvenience. When my sister (or her husband) could just keep a better eye on him. My sister seemed annoyed/offended, but she said she would.
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 14
    Well, we had everyone over for Labor Day and it seemed like she purposefully kept less of an eye on him out of spite because all sorts of stuff ended up in the
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 15
    pool. Pens, soda cans, a potted cactus, a shovel, books, bbq scraper, a game controller, a roll of paper towels,
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 16
    I'll admit it I got a little heated with her later about the whole thing. She however put the blame on us for not having a pool fence.
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 17
    It turned into an argument about us being ridiculous for saying it was an inconvenience for us to have a pool fence and how we don't know what an
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 18
    inconvenience even is. That we don't get how it's not reasonable to expect them to be able to watch him every second. It ended
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 19
    with my sister saying we shouldn't even host if we're going to be bad hosts and not make accommodations for our guests.
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 20
    Anyway yesterday the family group chat started talking about everyone getting together for the 4th of July. So as usual the assumption is we're hosting.
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 21
    Really that doesn't bother me at all, but I don't want to have to deal with the pool issue again and told everyone we wouldn't be able to host because we couldn't
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 22
    accommodate everyone. Which was admittedly a little snarky. However, no one else was present during me and my sister's previous conversation so the
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 23
    wording didn't come across that way to everyone else. I got a bunch of private messages from everyone because they were just
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 24
    concerned because they thought something had happened to us. I did assure everyone that we were fine and left it at that.
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 25
    So after that in the group chat someone else suggested we meet up at the park. Which my sister says no to because her son can't handle crowded spaces and the
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 26
    park has a lot of people during the fourth. So everyone is trying to figure somewhere else to go because no one else can host.
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 27
    While that chat is going on behind the scenes my sister is complaining to everyone privately about us actually not hosting because of her son.
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 28
    In the end everyone decided on the group chat to go to the park. Kind of more to just go on their own and maybe we'll see each other or meet up. Now my sister
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 29
    is upset about everyone choosing to go to the park even though they can't go and we started it and set the tone for everyone to think it was okay to exclude them.
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 30
    Edit. The yard is enclosed completely with a 8ft tall fence, locked gates, and the pool is usually always covered.
    via u/BigWay3670
  • 31
    teresajs 7h ago NTA It's a huge safety risk that your sister doesn't keep a close eye on her special needs child around the
    via u/teresajs
  • 32
    pool. Focus on that, not on the stuff being dropped in. The kid could drown because your sister is negligent.
    via u/teresajs

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