Mom of two kids cuts 17-year-old daughter's sleepover short by kicking her friends out after they invade 14-year-old stepson's privacy: "There were tears in his eyes"

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    AITA for enforcing basic boundaries on my daughter's sleepover?

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    I 42M, have two kids living with me, my daughter Anya (17F) and my stepson Noah (14M). Noah's mom passed a few years ago, and I've had full custody since. He's had a rough go of it, but he's a
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    good kid, with his quirks. He's not antisocial or shy, but he does not appreciate having his space invaded and when very upset, he can kinda 'shut down'.
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    Anya is much more outgoing and has a lot of friends- she asked to have a sleepover this weekend with four of them. I said yes, of course, but given that the friends who were coming were pretty loud
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    and have a tendency to crowd Noah, I told her to make sure they don't go into her brother's room. Also to keep things down after 11, so that the house can sleep. In my opinion, these are not strict rules.
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    To my surprise, I came upstairs to check on them at about 10- they are 17, I didn't think I needed to check on them every hour or something- and they were in Noah's room. And they looked like they'd
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    been there a while, two were literally sitting on his bed, with him there, one of them was flipping through his sketchbook, another was messing with his other stuff, and they were all kind of giggling in this weird way.
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    Noah was clearly upset, he didn't say anything/ move, but there were tears in his eyes and he didn't respond when I tried to talk to him. I told the girls to
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    get out right then, and that I was calling every single one of their parents. Anya was pretty upset with me, but I told her that I gave them TWO rules and they failed spectacularly.
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    I did actually call all of their parents, and sent them home as soon as possible. Anya blew up, saying I embarrassed her. I told her to go to her room, and
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    that we would speak on this in the morning. I spent about 20 minutes with Noah, before he decided he wanted to cool down on his own, and I went back to my daughter- who chose not to speak to me.
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    Its late, both of my kids are (hopefully) asleep, and I'm left not knowing if i handled things right. AITA?
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    Melodic-Dark6545 You handled things perfectly OK! You set very reasonable rules and your daughter decided to not care and upset Noah
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    I'll ground her. She doesn't care to have embarrassed Noah, but she sure cares that she couldn't get her way. What was she expecting after she broke the rules????
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    Wasted Breath28 And the precedent to be set if there were no consequences. Not only for breaking the rules, but for continuing to violate someone's boundaries while they are visibly uncomfortable.
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    She will encounter all sorts of people with different issues/trauma, and she needs to recognize when she's crossing a line.
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    >>>
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    SarahSkeptic At that age there should be good understanding of boundaries. She may get into many troubles in the future if there are no clear consequences now. NTA, you are doing her a favor.
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    NTA. LighthouseonSaturn You daughter needs to be punished.
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    I have several older brothers. I NEVER went into their rooms and they never went into mine. It seems like common decency and common sense not to enrouch on other peoples privacy.
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    They 100% went into his room to tease him. And that's disgusting. Your daughter would probably be absolutely furious if the roles were reversed and him and his friends went through her room.
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    There needs to be consequences for her actions, she is too old to be acting like this.
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    twilighttruth I 100% agree. I had 2 siblings, a sister and a brother, and the only time I was ever in their rooms was if I was invited in to chat (much more
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    common with my sister; with my brother it was typically a short conversation with me standing at the door). I never even sat down without being asked.
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    1990sbby NTA, you handled this responsibly. You set rules, the girls broke them, and Noah was clearly upset--which the girls intentionally ignored. The rules were broken and you sent them home. This does two things:
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    1. Anya learned that her breaking the rules has consequences, a very important concept to learn as a teenager about to become a legal adult
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    2. Noah learned that you will protect him. He is without a mom, and this helps him know that you do care about him and will protect him. I am sure that you know this but he is young and we all need reassurance.
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    Very good job OP. I am sure Anya is upset, but that is because of her own actions. Noah is upset because his sister intentionally hurt him. Those are different things and you did the right thing in correcting the former child and protecting the latter child.

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