Mom does every chore for 14-year-old son, protests when he doesn't step up after she has 'miracle baby': 'My husband thinks I'm being too harsh'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 17, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

One of the most important things a parent can do for their child is teach them important life skills. Unfortunately, there is a significant proportion of moms and dads who seem to think that this begins and ends with the major toddler milestones that we are all aware of, and like it or not, being a functioning, independent adult doesn't begin and end with potty training. 

Countless people have been faced with that insufferable roommate who seems to be incapable of doing the dishes or taking out the trash, and that behavior starts in the family home. Painful as it can be to enforce, this is why it often helps to give kids some age-appropriate chores. Once it becomes a routine, it can make things easier when parents are going through periods where they aren't able to do as much around the house, for whatever reason that this may come about. 

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  • 01

    AITA for making my 14-year-old fend for himself?

    My son is 14. Up until the last several months I've done everything for him. Never made him lift a finger. Then my husband and I had a miracle baby. After I brought her home it became clear that I was not the spring chicken I once was and I was going to need some help.
    via atadcheesecrazed
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10518338304
    via Pablo Merchán Montes (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One mom learned this the hard way after she presented her 14-year-old son with a list of chores for the first time after bringing home his baby sister. She realized after having another child that she did not have the time or energy to continue doing everything for him.

    She didn't feel like the boy was adapting well to these new changes, and her husband insisted she was being too harsh on him. She wanted to know if she had done something wrong.

  • 03
    I started making my son do his own laundry. If he asked me if something was clean I asked him whether or not he washed it. I bag up the trash and put it beside the can and tell him to take it out. (before I was ALWAYS the one taking it out) I don't go in his room and pick up, vacuum or make sure he doesn't have a bunch of fast food wrappers, snack wrappers on the floor. I just leave them there.
    via atadcheesecrazed
  • 04
    My husband thinks I'm being too harsh, he's just a kid and to cut him some slack. I grew up with siblings and we had an actual chore list but my husband disagrees and is holding that I had a rougher and more difficult Childhood and to not enforce that on him. AITA help?
    via atadcheesecrazed
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10518338560
    via Daiga Ellaby (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    Outsiders did not have anything good to say about the situation.

    f1iegenmaus So....you waited until AFTER you brought home the baby to fundamentally change the dynamics of your relationship with your son? No conversation about how things will change? No reflection at all about how much WORK an infant is? Well this sibling relationship is off to a great start! Yeah YTA. You're the one that spoiled him for 14 years and then once you got your "miracle baby" you decide he should suddenly be self-sufficient. Except self-sufficiency needs to be taught, ideally from
    via f1iegenmaus
  • 07
    sraydenk And did anyone teach him those skills? Yes, cleaning is a skill. Laundry is a skill. The Op shouldn't be blaming a teen for this behavior when they enabled it, and now instead of guiding and helping the teen they are shrugging their shoulders. The Op had 9 months to prepare the older kid for this and clearly didn't.
    via sraydenk
  • 08
    cydril YTA for never making him do anything for 14 years then suddenly thinking he's doing to be fine with it. Of course doing things by yourself is normal at that age, but it's still a learned skill. The way you're doing it makes it seem like 'oh no, we have a new baby and we don't want to deal with you anymore'.
    via cydril
  • 09
    YTA angel9_writes It's fine for him to do some chores and all but you've done a complete 180, plus this complete 180 is because you had 'miracle baby' So yeah to a 14 year old boy, going through a lot of hormone changes, suddenly he has to fend to himself when he was NEVER taught anything at all and his mother looks to be clearly choosing his new sibling over him. Yes, some slack needs to happen here. Some give and take. Just suddenly going YOU HAVE CHORES isn't actually parenting either. Yes, h
    via angel9_writes
  • 10
    Cheddarbaybiskits My mother did this to me. I had a few chores, but yeah, I probably should have been doing more for myself at 13. But I was never expected to. When my baby sister was born, suddenly I was getting yelled at for not doing things that I had never been asked to do before. I pushed back on that, which made her even more angry. If she had just calmly set expectations beforehand I would have had no problem doing more around the house. YTA OP. You've done some lazy a parenting here but
    via Cheddarbaybiskits
  • 11
    jbarneswilson YTA because you should have been teaching him from an earlier age to take care of and clean up after himself.
    via jbarneswilson
  • 12
    InitialExtent9137 YTA. Not necessarily for making your son do chores,but because you waited until you had a new baby. You did the swimming for your son for FOURTEEN YEARS, then threw him in the deep end and told him basically, "sink or swim." He's now sinking because you didn't even give him floaties. There's nothing wrong with your son doing chores,but you're going to have to teach him--give him floaties until he can swim on his own. Also, make sure you are not outright ignoring your son for th
    via InitialExtent9137
  • 13
    Euphoric Travel2541 YTA. It is a very abrupt change. One you haven't prepared him for. He is not gradually being introduced to a chore chart or gently helped to have better habits, and learning with you about how to do these things. YTA for doing this at precisely the time when he, an only child, acquires a baby sibling who gets all of your attention. He's bound to feel excluded and replaced. He should be as much of a miracle to you as she is. Help him and pay loving attention to him. Clean up t
    via Euphoric_Travel2541
  • 14
    Effective_Rock9477 This is a really good way to get him to resent the new baby.
    via Effective_Rock9477
  • 15
    HisGirlFriday 1983 You and your husband are YTA. I'm going to tell you why. First off, stop referring to your new child as a miracle baby. That is beyond messed up. I get it. i went through infertility for years but if that baby is a miracle, then what was your son? You are doing damage there and creating problems that do not need to exists there. Second off, yes, your son needs to help out around the house for several reasons. One he needs to learn how to care for himself and the home so that h
    via HisGirlFriday1983
  • 16
    My parents did this to me. I am the third of four children. My oldest sister was in charge of cleaning the entire house, no teaching her how to do it, it was just her job. Then she went to college and it became my brothers. Then he left and it was mine. I was 13 and I had never cleaned up a single thing. Suddenly it was my responsibility to clean so much stuff and I made so many mistakes like putting dish soap instead of dish detergent in the dishwasher. Using the wrong floor cleaner and up the
    via HisGirlFriday1983
  • 17
    I get that it is overwhelming having a baby and you need your son to help around the house but you are still his parent too and you have not taught him up until now and that is on you. You need to help guide him through this transition. He still needs to do chores but you need to be understanding and helpful. Make a chore chart that he can look at. make sure there are systems in place. Help remind him, hey you need to do laundry on Wednesday nights please and it is Wednesday morning. Have you un
    via HisGirlFriday1983
  • 18
    I'm sure I'll get downvoted bc "he's 14, he should be able to handle it already." But no, it is our job as parents to help them transition not just dump it on them. My kid is 20 months and she helps me unload the dishwasher and put away her books. As she gets older she will learn other things so that when she can do things on her own she won't be thrown into the proverbial pool without a life vest. TL:DR You both s k bc you call your baby a miracle child which is not kind to the child you alread
    via HisGirlFriday1983
  • 19
    WorkingInterview1942 I was parentified at a young age. I was responsible for so much around the house and my sister never had to lift a finger. Made her very entitled and she still wants people to wait on her hand and foot. My question to OP is if you didn't have a second child (not a miracle, just a child) would you have ever asked your 14 year old to do anything around the house? Also what does your husband do to help around the house?
    via WorkingInterview1942
  • 20
    Plmb_wfy YTA Sounds like you've got the new shiny kid and you're sick of the old one
    via Plmb_wfy
  • 21
    Fennicular Wow. You really want your kids to not have a relationship, huh? Your 14yo is going to move out the second he leaves school and never look back. Your miracle baby will grow up with the same lack of life skills as your teen and be a PITA. Neither of them will really understand how to do laundry. OR you could spend time each day with your 14yo, cleaning WITH him, doing laundry WITH him, telling him he's doing such a great job at being mature and contributing to the family. And also spend
    via Fennicular
  • 22
    Classic_Fig_893 YTA if you haven't taught or shown him the proper way to do this stuff before. NTA if you've shown him the stuff before and given him plenty of time to learn it.
    via Classic_Fig_893
  • 23
    Yta. the_harlinator You should have not waited until you had another baby to get him to be independent. At 14 he's not going to see this any other way then my parents got a brand new shiny baby and stopped caring about me.
    via the_harlinator
  • 24
    ΥΤΑ. MsOCD Although I don't competely think you're doing the wrong thing overall as there is nothing wrong with a 14 year old helping out, I do feel that right now with a new baby he might be feeling a certain way regarding his place. Children go through alot when a new baby comes into the picture, he is 14 years old, he has been an only child, had his Mum to himself, had his Mum do everything for him and now suddenly a new shiny baby comes along and Mum doesn't care anymore and is too busy doin
    via MsOCD

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