'They’ve made it clear who their favorite child was, it's only fair he steps up': After always favoring her younger brother, 32-year-old neglected sister tells parents she won't look after them when they get older

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Jun 23, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

"I could never choose favorites", cough cough… 

Agh but my little Tommy…you know he just needs a little more attention (and love, and money, and how could you say no to that face?) 

…And Melissa, she's just so independent. 

What would you do if your parents favored your sibling your whole life, always prioritizing their needs ahead of yours? Let's just say, you're the Melissa and your sibling is the Tommy. 

Now, as Melissa, imagine after all those years of feeling pushed aside, your parents open up a can of worms, clearly lacking in sensibility. They have told you that they think it is your responsibility to drop your life and come look after them when they get older. But, forget about darling Tommy, he's just so busy and not cut out for that! 

In a world full of Melissas and Tommys, when our parents have continuously disregarded our feelings, maybe it's time to put our foot down…or is it our job as children to gift our parents care just as they have gifted us life?

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  • Now, it's time to meet a real-life Melissa and Tommy. We're providing all the scoop on this family dynamic and how born sibling-favoritism has created an unexpected plot twist for two parents. They are starting to think (and worry) about their future and about which one of their kids is up for the role of ‘caretaker’ 

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    "I'm not going to sacrifice my peace, marriage, or money for people who watched me struggle for years"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITAH for REFUSING to TAKE CARE OF MY PARENTS in their old age after they “prioritized” my brother our entire lives?

    I (32F) am the eldest of three siblings. Growing up, my younger brother (29M) was always the golden child. He was spoiled, excused from responsibilities, and
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    had his education fully paid for by my parents including a car, allowance, and rent while in college. Meanwhile, I worked two
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    jobs to get through school, was told to "be independent," and when I asked for help once for rent, my dad said, "You need to learn how the real world works."
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    My younger sister (26F) agrees with me that there's always been favoritism, but she keeps her head down to avoid drama.
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    Fast forward to now: I'm financially stable, married, no kids (by choice), and live about 30 minutes from my parents. My
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    brother lives in another city and is constantly in and out of work, still partially financially supported by my parents.
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    Last month, my dad had a minor st ke. He's recovering well, but it got my mom thinking about the future. She sat me down and said, "We expect you to take care of us
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    when we're older, we raised you, and it's our culture." I calmly told her I wouldn't be doing that. I told her that they've made it clear who their favorite
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    child was, and it's only fair he steps up now. She was stunned. She said, "He's not capable and besides, you're the eldest. That comes with responsibility."
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    I told her I'm not going to sacrifice my peace, marriage, or money for people who watched me struggle for years while babying my brother. I said I'll help
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    when it comes to emergencies, but I'm not becoming their retirement plan or full-time caregiver.
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    Now the whole extended family is talking. I've been called selfish, ungrateful, and cold even though I've literally spent years being the "strong" daughter who never asked for anything.
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    My brother? Silent. He just said, "Well, I'm not cut out for that stuff," and they let him off the hook again.
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    So... AITAH for refusing to take care of my parents when they didn't even take care of me the same way?
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    JanetInSpain Kids do not "owe" their parents care when they get old. I know I'll likely get downvoted for this because "they took care of you" but
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    it is literally part of parents' job to feed, clothe, house, and educate kids they CHOOSE TO HAVE.
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    Becalmandkind NTA. I can't tell you how to save your family relationships, but I agree with your actions. You've made your case. Your family will s ck you dry then leave any inheritance to your brother. Go your own way in peace.
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    Tricky-Fig4772 I think the hardest truth is many parents are reaping what they've sown. After being treated terribly for years the children are unwilling and uninterested in being caregivers. Who can blame them? NTA
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    candlewick_67 NTA Like you said, your parents have made it perfectly clear who the favorite is. It's time they «learn how the real world works.»
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    Mysterious-Cat33 Tell them to start saving their money for a caregiver instead of giving it to your younger brother as you have no intentions of taking care of them NTA
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    KombuchaBot I'd move away to make the point. Maybe to another country. NTA
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family drama entitled parents drama nurse brother siblings askreddit reddit story family feud favoritism family sister healthcare parents entitled people
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