"I didn't marry into being a full-time caretaker": Ungrateful 60-year-old mother-in-law stretches 2 month stay into 9 months, expects 33-year-old daughter-in-law to cater to her every whim despite constant criticism

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    AIO for telling my husband I'm tired of parenting his mother?

    "I want my house and my boundaries back"
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    My husband (35M) and I (33F) have been married for 6 years. His mom (60sF) moved in with us temporarily after a fall last year. It was supposed to be a two-month recovery. That was nine months ago.
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    She doesn't clean up after herself, refuses to cook, and talks over me constantly. Worst part? She'll text my husband while we're in the same room to complain that I didn't fold the towels the way she likes.
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    He says she "means well" and that I "shouldn't take things so personally." He works long hours, so all the responsibility falls on me, cooking for her,
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    driving her to appointments, doing her laundry. I told him last night, "I'm not your mom's wife. You are. Parent her or move her out."
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    He was stunned. Said I was being "harsh," that she's elderly and "just needs help."
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    I'm exhausted. I didn't marry into being a full-time caretaker. I want my house and my boundaries, back. Am I overreacting?
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    Proper_Bid_382 OP She's not elderly. She's a manipulative narcissist with jealousy issues. Do you have kids? If not, I would try going to stay with a friend or relative for a couple weeks.....for whatever reason. See how he
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    likes it. The problem is, I think he'll be fine. I also think you'll return to find your home turned into her home. You could just slowly move your stuff out to wherever you want to go until you're just gone. Or you can let him know "I know you love your mom,
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    but her intrusiveness and disrespect is putting a wedge between us. That may be what your mom wants, but not what I want. You have a week to make sure she is out. We will be changing the locks and she will not be getting a key. If you value me as much as I value you, you will want our marriage to
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    survive and be healthy. Otherwise, you'll have to move in with her. I love you, but there's a limit to what I can tolerate and i need a partner who will support my needs as much as I support his. I cared for your mom because she's family and that's what we do. It's over now, though. I need your answer so I know how to proceed in the next few days."
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    Proper_Bid_382 She also needs to get a life.....In the simplest, most genuine terms. Maybe she needs to hear that. She's still able to find someone special in her life who can help her be busy and occupied emotionally. She needs to be told this. Your husband is not her partner or therapist or nursemaid. He is her son. She needs to get a life.
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    SemperFicus I'm in my late 60's. Today, I went grocery shopping, did a load of laundry, made banana bread, and took the dog for a 1.5 mile walk. Also did some gardening and I'm about to start dinner. Maybe your MIL has major health issues; I don't know. But if she's that feeble, maybe she should be in a care home.
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    Hollingsworth No definitely not overreacting. If she's going to stay long term she needs to start picking up after herself. I don't understand how she's not embarrassed. At
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    60 she should have it together. This is your husbands fault it's his mom and you shouldn't have to say anything. He needs to tell his mom to get it together or go. If you do it it's going to make you
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    look like a huge j to everyone. I'd talk to him about it and let him know you mean business. You're his wife and he shouldn't let you be treated this way. Good luck hun.
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    princessmalena Exactly this. At some point it's not even about her it's about your husband standing up for you. If he keeps ignoring it, it sends a message that your needs come second. You've been way more patient than most would be.
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    AdLiving2291 She is not elderly. She is dreadful by the sound of it. As for her son, he is a weak mother's boy. Both are taking advantage of you. This is your home, not hers. It's time for her to leave. Stop being her personal
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    servant. Let her get taxis. Can you go elsewhere for a while and leave them to it? You need a wee holiday away from these people. Give a date for her to leave. Stick to it. If hubs doesn't like it, he can move too. Nta.
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    whoknowswhywhat Not overreacting. Your MIL is taking full advantage of your kindness and interpreting it as your weakness. Ask your husband to rent a place nearby
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    and install his mother there and take care of her himself. You can maybe compromise on sending her food but make sure you are not the person delivering it.
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    00350
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    Smurfetti Bolognese Excuse me hubby.... I'm in my 60s, and I don't consider myself elderly, I'm quite capable of doing chore, h II even wash my husband's clothes.... She
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    is taking the mickey, why move back home when you have a housemaid, chef, laundry maid, nurse and all around dogsbody? You should go away for a couple of weeks, and let him deal with his mother, let him
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    see exactly how much you do for both him and her, see if he then thinks its cos she's elderly..... p.s. I am not elderly, my mother is elderly, not me, and I'm in my 60s.... Just saying.....
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    chicknorris63 This is exactly the right move. Go have a week away or weekend with a friend and let your husband look after his mother. I bet you he will make sure she's moves out soon. Your MIL is not
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    your problem. It's your husbands. The only way he will understand is by you putting him in your shoes. Good luck, and in the meantime tell your MIL to pull her weight around your house. She can
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    start by just taking your bins out. Or clean the bathroom. Or even cook you all dinner. There's no reason for her to be lazy and entitled. She does not appreciate anything you have been doing. Don't put yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

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