“You want respect? Try earning it like my stepdad did”: 16-year-old girl sets healthy boundaries with bio dad when he tries to parent her after years of being absent

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 13, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. We all have issues with our family. Family is the crux of anything in our lives – the relationships we make to others, friends, lovers, the careers we enter, the place we live, and everything else in our lives. As important as family is, it's a double edged sword. Our family can give us so much love and acceptance that we feel complete and whole, we never question our place in the world, and we grow up with really healthy coping mechanisms. They can also imbue harsh traumas, suffering, and eternal negative patterns that harm us forever. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a teenage girl who grew up with a stepdad instead of her bio father. He tries to reconnect with her after years of being an absent parent, but sets boundaries with him. Read the full story for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for telling my bio dad he needs to earn my respect like my stepdad did?

    Cheezburger Image 10529189376
    via Photo By: Kaboompics.com from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (16) guess I need to give some backstory for this to make sense. My dad left when I was 3, and my mom remarried my stepdad when I was 7. He's been more of a
    via u/Odd_Week8792

  • The issues that stem from our childhood often permeate into adulthood. Attachment styles are cemented as children, they can be seen a mile away when we choose our adult partners. When you grow up with divorced parents and have to adjust to calling a stranger mom or dad, things get even more complicated. 

  • 03
    father to me than my bio dad ever was, helped with homework, came to every soccer game, the whole deal. My bio dad would
    via u/Odd_Week8792
  • 04
    came to every soccer game, the whole deal. My bio dad would pop in and out whenever he felt like it, maybe twice a year if I was lucky.
    via u/Odd_Week8792
  • 05
    So last month, my bio dad shows up out of nowhere wanting to "reconnect" and be more involved. I was skeptical but whatever. Then he starts trying to parent me about everything, my
    via u/Odd_Week8792
  • 06
    clothes, my friends, my grades (which are fine, by the way). The breaking point was when he saw me getting my ears pierced and flipped out, saying I needed his permission for stuff like that.
    via u/Odd_Week8792
  • 07
    I told him I already asked my mom and stepdad, and he goes "Well I'm your real father, so my opinion matters most." I just looked at him and said "Where
    via u/Odd_Week8792
  • 08
    were you when I had nightmares at 8? Or when I broke my arm at 10? You can't just show up now and play dad when it's convenient."
    via u/Odd_Week8792
  • 09
    He got all quiet and said I was being disrespectful. So I said "You want respect? Try earning it like my stepdad did."
    via u/Odd_Week8792
  • 10
    Now my mom says I was too harsh, but honestly, I don't feel bad about it. Was I wrong though?
    via u/Odd_Week8792
  • 11
    DAD
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  • 12
    NoIntroduction1035 • 6h ago NTA so proud of you. If my dad tried to come and lecture me about my clothes and grades etc I'd block his a before he could finish his
    via u/NoIntroduction1035
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    next sentence. And also- his permission for what? He doesn't come around or anything- that's not your
    via u/NoIntroduction1035
  • 14
    father- your step dad is your real dad.
    via u/NoIntroduction1035
  • 15
    RDDTLurker7 • 6h ago NTA. First off, respect to your stepdad for stepping up and giving you what seems like a good family dynamic. Your mom is
    via u/RDDTLurker7
  • 16
    wrong. It wasn't harsh, it was factual. Facts don't care about feelings. Don't apologize. Stay true to yourself.
    via u/RDDTLurker7
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    Cheezburger Image 10529189888
    via annakraynova / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 18
    JTBlakeinNYC • 6h ago NTA. You spoke divine truth.
    via u/JTBlakeinNYC
  • 19
    Paelynn-Ryelle ⚫6h ago Donating DNA doesn't give you a free pass to respect, or the right to rock up and start controlling your kid's life when you couldn't be
    via u/Paelynn-Ryelle
  • 20
    bothered being there for the important stuff of raising a child. And if I was your mum I'd have said "good on you! At best at this point, he can be like an uncle who can
    via u/Paelynn-Ryelle
  • 21
    share in whatever parts of your life you deem ok to share with him, so he doesn't get to say squat
    via u/Paelynn-Ryelle
  • 22
    about your choices or things that you've already cleared with the parents who are taking care of you.
    via u/Paelynn-Ryelle
  • 23
    tipareth 1978 ⚫ 4h ago Good job. Honestly don't give him the time. I hate to sound cynical but he's probably just working some angle anyway
    via u/tipareth1978
  • 24
    OkPsychology2376 • 4h ago NTA. Stand your ground. He deserved what he got.
    via u/OkPsychology2376

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family drama drama toxic family feud relationships lol love family stepdad reddit thread Reddit funny dating
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