'My sister REEKS and honestly makes me gag sometimes': Woman tells new-grad sister she's not getting jobs because of her bad hygiene, not sexism

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 31, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

There are a few things that are inevitable in life. We're all going to leave this Earth one day at least in spirit and we're all gonna have to find a job at one point or another. Unless you're one of those lucky people who found the infinite money glitch. But if you're not, then odds are you're gonna have to lace up your boots and send in a few resumes.

Looking for a job can be one of the most soul-sucking things you have to go through as an adult. You're constantly setting yourself up for rejection. It's incredibly draining, especially in the era of online applications, where most apps you send through fall into an abyss, never to be seen or heard from again. It can make you feel like you're useless and nobody likes you, even though you logically know that most recruiters only look at resumes for less than 15 seconds. Sometimes it takes hundreds of applications to get a response, but all it takes is one good lead. 

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    AITA For telling my sister that her lack of personal hygiene is the real reason no job will hire her and not sexism?

    This concerns my sister "Lily" who is graduating soon. Our parents taught us the importance of personal hygiene and keeping yourself presentable. But I guess Lily fell off the wagon while dorming in college because it feels like she dropped everything to do with personal hygiene since moving back home. It's easier to explain with a list of things she isn't taking care of:
    via u/ArguingwsisThrowaway
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    Cheezburger Image 10536215808
    via Jeremy Bishop

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Then, if you're lucky, you go through the interview process, which is a whole other bag of worms. Selling yourself is a skill unto itself, and if you haven't honed it, interviews can be brutal. And then you still might not ever hear from them again.

     

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    Hair: Very oily/greasy and always tangled from lack of wash and brushing. Skin: Also very oily/greasy from no wash. Nails: Never trims so they're long and yellow from grime.
    via u/ArguingwsisThrowaway
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    Clothes: Clothes themselves are nice but she leaves them sloppy/wrinkled. Body: Showers once a week tops. I'm not sensitive to smell, but my sister REEKS and honestly makes me gag sometimes.
    via u/ArguingwsisThrowaway
  • 05
    Lily is upset because she says she can't get an in-person job in her field and wants to give up. Our parents have tried telling her that presentability/hygiene is as important as credentials when getting jobs, but my sister won't listen. Lily has a rocky relationship with our family so she takes it as a personal attack rather than them trying to help.
    via u/ArguingwsisThrowaway
  • 06
    Lily is now blaming sexism and says men are all just intimidated by a competent woman and that's the sole reason why she hasn't gotten a job. If she wants to lie to herself, it's her life. Whatever. What I can't stand is her trying to make it my problem and expect validation from me.
    via u/ArguingwsisThrowaway
  • 07
    Lily just did a bunch interviews, but all went cold after and none panned out into jobs. She was venting to me last week about how companies in this field are all boys' clubs and quick to sh ot down a woman they know is intellectually above them. I was basically just like good for you, can I please finish my session in peace now?
    via u/ArguingwsisThrowaway
  • 08
    Lily got defensive and said she's just warning me. Then doubled down saying most men are selfish and I should save myself the headache now. She was saying this with my male friends on the voice call.
    via u/ArguingwsisThrowaway
  • 09
    I had enough and told Lily that her lack of personal hygiene is the real reason no job will hire her, so stop blaming others and think for two seconds: If you were a company owner who needs to impress investors to keep your own family afloat, would you want to be represented by someone who looks and smells like a homeless person, or someone who is presentable and takes care of themselves?
    via u/ArguingwsisThrowaway
  • 10
    We got into an argument and Lily is now either giving me one-word answers or not saying anything to me at all. I'll be honest that we argue a lot but Lily normally would have gotten over it by now. Did I do the right thing giving Lola a dose of reality or did I f up here?
    via u/ArguingwsisThrowaway
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    Cheezburger Image 10536215552
    via Chris

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12

    Commenters had a lot to say about what might be going on here.

    slee... 7h ago · Edited 7h ago • NTA, but I would be concerned about why Lily has let herself get to that point. Speaking from experience, keeping up with personal hygiene was really difficult when I was struggling with depre son, but I still made an
    via u/sleepyHedgehog99
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    effort to look presentable when I had to go out. I don't know if that's what your sister is going through, but it might be worth looking into. That said, she also needs to learn how to self-reflect and hold herself accountable, instead of blaming other people for her failures and projecting her personal experiences onto you. You did the right thing by pointing it out to her, hopefully it will serve as a wake-up call.
    via u/sleepyHedgehog99
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    Proud_Yogurtcloset... . 7h ago Has anyone considered something happened at college and this her coping mechanism? Or is she depr sed? In sed? In my limited experience, someone with sensory issues around bathing recognises it and works out a plan or at least acknowledges it. Nta for being blunt. The root cause does need to be found though
    via u/Proud_Yogurtcloset58
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    oldgrandma65 · 7h ago Refusal to deal with hygiene issues is a classic symptom of mental health issues such as depre s'on.
    via u/oldgrandma65
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    geckotatgirl • 7h ago . NTA. If Lily's theory were true, she wouldn't even get the interviews. Obviously, they see her resume with her education and experience and think she might be a good fit. If she's getting in the door but isn't landing any jobs, she needs to realize that she's not
    via u/geckotatgirl
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    passing the sniff test - literally. Let her know that because she needs backup to the reasons you're all giving her. It could be that she's depr sed, as well. If her hygiene was good before and during college and it's only since she got home that she's let it go, it might be worth checking in with her about that or at least telling your parents so that they can address it. Good luck to you and to Lily!
    via u/geckotatgirl
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    quiz... ⚫ 7h ago Edited 6h ago . Is Lily okay? . It sounds like this lack of self care developed while she was away for university. Did something happen? Factually, you are correct that the lack of hygiene is likely behind lily's unemployment, but you weren't kind.
    via u/quizzicaldrinker
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    Lily should have read the room and realised you weren't available to talk. ESH / NTA (can't decide which!) Also, I think you and your family are missing some very serious warning signs that there's something bad going on with Lily.
    via u/quizzicaldrinker
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    Competitive_Equal5... .7h ago NTA. Seems Lilly would benifit from more people telling her the truth and not pretending to be OK with it.
    via u/Competitive_Equal542
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    Malibucat48 • 7h ago Neglecting hygiene is often a sign of depres on. Does she have other symptoms that need to be addressed? She needs to see a doctor to be evaluated for depres on or other health problems. If she won't do that, there isn't
    via u/Malibucat48
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    much you can do except suggest she find a work from home job where she doesn't have to personally interact with people. Customer service is a good job that is entirely remote. However, if she is currently in school, her teachers or other students should have mentioned her hygiene to her.
    via u/Malibucat48
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    See if she will talk to a school counselor because they are supposed to help with job searches. They can look over her resume and give her tips on presentation. If she won't do that and won't see a doctor, your parents are going to have to make some tough love decisions or financially support her forever.
    via u/Malibucat48
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    Appeltje Eitje1079 • 7h ago NTA you are obviously right in your reasoning. But it may be that her lack of personal hygiene is a symptom of something else, perhaps a mental issue. I think she should be checked out by a Dr and or psychologist. She may not be just sloppy, but she may have a mental illness. Worth looking into!
    via u/AppeltjeEitje1079
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    toffifeeandcoffee .7h ago NTA Your parents tried the nice way and didn't reach your sister and you went the sibling way. Either she learns from this or she will sit in her own jobless funk for a long time.
    via u/toffifeeandcoffee
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    complexitiesundone 7h ago NTA I'm in a similar situation with my sister here. Turns out she had depre son that was untreated and struggles with executive dysfunction meaning she couldn't figure the steps out in order to get them done and then add on top of that she struggles with the scents of our stuff at home.
    via u/complexitiesundone
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    We had a chat as a family as teens about hygiene and now we're in our 30s my sister showers and brushes her teeth etc but instead of using what we use as "adults" items she does what i do & uses children's body wash, children's tooth paste & mouth wash as that helps our sensitivity to things.
    via u/complexitiesundone
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    We both have it as routines too so she has set days she showers but knows she MUST do the other hygiene stuff daily or weekly (obviously depending on the task) & for myself due to my diagnosis & mental health issues I use a visual schedule in the bathroom to help me keep track...maybe that'd help your sister?
    via u/complexitiesundone
  • 29
    The brushing hair thing may be a simple thing of it hurts. her so she won't do it or it doesn't connect in her head to use detangling spray or leave in conditioner to make it easier to brush or she could get it cut. You were kind and sensitive about it and handled it correctly she (Lily) needs to figure out her head and why she is behaving this way.
    via u/complexitiesundone

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