Ungrateful 29-year-old husband resells wife's thoughtful Dungeons and Dragons-themed birthday gift, refuses to accept anything that isn't on his wishlist: '[He] ruined D&D for me'

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 1, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

When your partner has a really specific special interest, it can make finding them a birthday gift a little difficult. "How so?" You may be wondering, thinking just the opposite. Well, people that are really invested in their hobby tend to be pretty picky and specific about the sorts of tools or accessories that they prefer. For example, as a visual artist, I have particular brands that I prefer when it comes to paint, pastels, and other mediums. However, if someone were to gift me some art-related tool, I would still appreciate the intention behind the gift – even if I never end up using it.

In our story today, a woman's spark and love of gift-giving is utterly snuffed away by her husband when he reacts negatively to her birthday present. Sure, he had a very specific wishlist, and anything on that list would have satisfied him. But the transactional nature rubbed her the wrong way, and she wanted to give him something a little more thoughtful. It didn't exactly work out, though. 

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    My husband ruined D&D for me

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    My** (29nb) husband (29m) is a major Dungeons and Dragons nerd. He has a huge collection of books and easily has 2-3 campaigns going at once at all times. Last year for his birthday I
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    wanted to give him something related to his hobby. Here's the thing about gifts with him though. He's very very picky, and doesn't like surprises. He'd much rather give me a very small
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    Wishlist (rarely consisting of more than 3 items) and have me just pick something from there. I've expressed that I don't have as much fun with this as gift-giving is my love language and
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    taking the time to pick out and research something for someone i love is what i miss when we have that. He decided to let me work with "I would love any D&D campaign book that I don't have"
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    unfortunately, that's where I messed up, because I misheard him. what he actually said was "I would love any D&D book from the fifth edition series that I don't have"** (what was the current edition at the time)
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    My brain focused on books he didn't have, I found a campaign that focused around an old video game we used to play together a lot when we were newly engaged. I was excited as this seemed to
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    check all the boxes; It was an unexplored campaign, something new for his collection, and something we could play together with a little nostalgia factor. it even had a playable map and characters.
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    to move around on it. Something I should add is that D&D was never really my thing. I loved seeing his passion though. I thought I found something that can get me into his interests as well but I see now in hindsight how that was selfish.
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    When his birthday came around and I excitedly gave it to him, it was met with a disappointed stare. He HATED it, but didn't say so verbally at first. But I could tell. He thanked me anyway and carried on.
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    He stewed in his disappointment for nearly a week before finally admitting to me that he found someone on reddit to buy it so he could use the money on something he actually wanted (he's done this with my gifts before)
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  • Most people learn at a really young age how to accept a gift that they don't really like with grace; it's all about recognizing the intention behind the gift. 

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    He sent me a long message about how the disappointed gift made him, and how he got severely depr sed and just now worked up the courage to tell me what he did with it. I had also found a post he
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    made anonymously asking why "such a bad gift" made him question if I really knew him after being married so long (nearly 5 years now) We have talked to a therapist about it and he's loosened up
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    about accepting gifts but I still cant help but get a kinda scared feeling when I have to think about finding something for him again. I did a fantastic job with our anniversary gift last year, as I got him a
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    custom made lightsaber. However now I'm feeling stuck as I don't think I can ever top that. I know he'll be happy with anything from the wishlist but now it feels like an expected chore instead of an act of love.
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    I also can't help but CRINGE every time D&D is brought up. Our main friend group was in the middle of a campaign during this. I tried my best to stay involved and keep up- D&D wasn't my
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    thing sure but I was willing to give it a shot for the sake of hanging out with my friends and moreso my husband. But I couldn't do it anymore after this. I held
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    out as long as a could but I eventually bowed out with an excuse that "work was just getting too stressful and needed to focus on keeping my job"
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    (which unfortunately was also true at the time so it wasn't a unbelievable excuse) Hearing anyone talk about D&D just reminds me of that disappointed face and how much I screwed that up.
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    SunShineShady Tbh he sounds like an a h le. He's given you anxiety over something you used to like (gift giving) and taken away any joy from it. Now buying presents for him will be just another obligation that you have to power through. That s ks.
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    Just get him a gift card from now on. Save yourself the stress. I certainly hope his gifts to you have been spectacularly over the top fabulous.
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    gift card
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    If he's like this about other things, take a good hard look at your marriage, and ask yourself if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life.
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    United-Rich-6478 He sells the gifts you get him he doesn't like? Talk about pressure
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    JustAnotherUser8432 And explicitly tells them about it and how disappointed he is in them bad gift and how it shows they don't know him at all. OP needs to stop buying gifts for him at all. Got to wonder what gets them for birthdays and holidays.
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    macielightfoot I was more mature than this at age 8, when my grandmother got me a videogame for a console I didn't even have.
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    kotibi What kinds of gifts does he get you? It sounds like you went out of your way to find something thoughtful, and even if it wasn't what he wanted, he showed no grace in accepting the gift. Did you tell him why you thought it would be good, and he still just didn't care because it wasn't what he wanted?
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    My spouse and I don't like this pressure, so we just take each other out for dinner or buy something nice together for the house. But it sounds like yours has an issue with needing you to get it just right, every time. I'd put a moratorium on gift giving for a while.
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fantasy marriage birthday dnd wife married life dungeon master relationships husband dungeons & dragons red flag dnd campaign dungeons and dragons entitled people
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