Friend of bride plans to skip bridal shower for Lorde concert in Chicago, friends call her selfish for even considering it: 'How many big days does a bride need?'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 18, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

I love Lorde as much as the next girl. Actually, probably more than the next girl. I freaking love Lorde. I was an early adopter after "Royals," in her Pure Heroine era, and immediately latched on to her ability to articulate the teenage experience while still living it. I even embrace Solar Power, something that a lot of Lorde fans don't really do. In fact, it might be my favorite album of hers. Moreover, concerts can be significant events in one's life. Not only is it a chance to hear the music you love live and be in the same room as the people who make it, it's an important way to honor your relationship with art. 

You can mark the passage of time by all the times you've seen a certain artist. You've grown alongside them, changed with them, stayed with them. This is why I'm defending one's right to attend an important concert instead of another seemingly important event. Sorry, but you live one life, and concerts are a once-in-a-lifetime kind of event. I don't make the rules.

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  • 01
    A bride stands in the foreground while a concert rages in the background.
    via Vladislav Nahorny

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Not everyone feels the way I do, though. Some might see a bridal shower of a close friend as trumping a Lorde concert. Even if the guest in question has already attended the bachelorette party, they will attend the wedding. Scroll on to read the story and decide if you would have skipped it as well. 

  • 02

    AITA for missing my friend's bridal shower to go a Lorde concert?

    My (27F) friend (27F) from graduate school is getting married this fall!! I am so excited to attend the wedding and just celebrated with her at her bachelorette party last weekend. I realized, however, that her bridal shower is the same day as Lorde's concert in Chicago
    via u/megaphonetomychest
  • 03
    (only date of this tour that I am able to attend sadly). I have not RSVP'd to the shower yet, but nor have I actually purchased the tickets yet - waiting/praying for re- sale prices to go down since I was unsuccessful in the ticketmaster war, boo. I feel like missing a bridal shower is not as big of a deal
    via u/megaphonetomychest
  • 04
    (especially since I have attended her bachelorette party already and will 100% be there on her wedding day). I am not actually in her wedding party (just a close [i guess?] friend and guest). Plus Lorde/Ella has raised me - I am convinced that I would not be who i am today without her music tbh.... A mutual friend of ours
    via u/megaphonetomychest
  • 05
    thinks it is very r de to even consider going to a concert instead of to our friend's shower for her big day... SO aita for wanting to sob to Ribs live instead of going to my friend's bridal shower?? Imk and pls be nice - i wish i was joking about this, it's an actual moral dilemma to me !
    via u/megaphonetomychest
  • 06
    A concert at a big venue.
    via Nainoa Shizuru
  • 07

    Commenters had differing opinions on this issue.

    Hungry-Network-9... 11h ago • How many big days does a bride need? Bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner and thennnn the wedding, (sometimes wedding brunch is also a thing), plus gifts and sometimes travel costs. If you are present for most of it, then it shouldn't be a big deal missing one event
    via u/Hungry-Network-9826
  • 08
    LiveKindly01 · 11h ago . NTA Go to the concert...you're not 'in' the wedding, you already attended the bachelorette....the bridal shower is usually busy, lots of family, you won't even be missed.
    via u/LiveKindly01
  • 09
    I mean if it were 'I want to skip the shower to wash my hair' (ha, see what I did there?) then maybe YTA but this is an important concert to you, go for it. If she's a friend she will understand.
    via u/LiveKindly01
  • 10
    sootfire 11h ago . Honestly, I think it would be fair to say that you already had plans to go to the concert, even though you technically don't have tickets yet. You do have a plan, assuming you can get tickets. It sounds like there are a ton of opportunities to celebrate with your friend but basically only one opportunity to see Lorde. NTA
    via u/sootfire
  • 11
    55... •11h ago Edited 11h ago . NTA-there are 3 levels of expected attendance these days the way I see it. Plan to do everything- Showers, parties, dress fittings, planning sessions etc-this is the MOH, other members of wedding party that live close
    via u/552view
  • 12
    Make every effort to attend- Bachelorette, shower, wedding-All of wedding party, invited family Go to wedding and whatever else you can pending other priorities-This is you, you are a friend, you are not in wedding. You have already
    via u/552view
  • 13
    attended 1 event beyond the wedding itself. You did not commit to giving up 3+ weekends of your life because you were not asked to be in the wedding. She did not ask your availability when scheduling to ensure you could attend. The concert feels like a big enough of a
    via u/552view
  • 14
    priority that you would have said not to hold the shower that date if possible had she asked, she didn't. Go to the concert, send a gift with someone else if you are feeling generous.
    via u/552view
  • 15
    Tha... 11h ago Edited 11h ago . • You don't even have tickets for the concert, and you're already downplaying the bridal shower as "not important," and maybe it isn't... for you. But for the bride-to-be? I imagine it's a bit different. Tbh, to me, you don't really sound like much of a friend, even if you're not "in" the wedding itself. YTA.
    via u/That253Chick
  • 16
    Edit: Also, the way you talk about Lorde like she's more of a friend to you than the actual bride when Lorde doesn't even know that you exist just screams parasocial to me, idk. Solidifies my vote for sure.
    via u/That253Chick
  • 17
    marevins • 11h ago Bridal showers aren't on the same "mandatory attendance" level as the wedding, but they are still a big emotional thing for the bride especially if you're a close friend. Skipping it for something else you could technically see another time
    via u/marevins
  • 18
    (even if it's hard to get tickets) is going to read as "concert > you" in her mind, even if that's not your intention. You did go to the bachelorette and will be at the wedding, which helps, but people remember who showed up for them during the pre-wedding hype. Honestly? Probably leaning toward YTA, but like... a soft, glitter-covered one
    via u/marevins
  • 19
    donut_koharski • 11h ago NTA. You've done the hen party. You're going to the wedding. That's plenty. Watching someone open gifts is not integral to the wedding. Go to the concert.
    via u/donut_koharski
  • 20
    Aelin_Fireheart_9510 11h ago . Soft YTA. If you had concert tickets I would say go. Otherwise I would rsvp for the shower. Unless you aren't that close then you can get away with skipping.
    via u/Aelin_Fireheart_9510
  • 21
    lake_lov3. 11h ago YTA for downplaying your friends once in a lifetime event, for a concert you don't even know you can go to. If you had tickets, NTA.
    via u/lake_lov3
  • 22
    newbeesly ⚫7h ago YTA, you're skipping out on something for a friend for a concert you don't even have tickets to. Also she's a close enough friend that you've been invited to all of her bridal celebrations so I think it's a bit sus to include that you guess?? you're a close
    via u/newbeesly
  • 23
    friend? And if you do decide to tell her you won't be attending, please think of a good lie instead of telling her you're crossing your fingers and toes for cheap lorde tickets.
    via u/newbeesly
  • 24
    Exciting-Froyo3825 • 2h ago . INFO aren't showers during the day and concerts at night? I'm not understanding the scheduling conflict here. Why couldn't you put in an hour face at the bridal shower and then go to the concert later that evening?
    via u/Exciting-Froyo3825
  • 25
    use_your_smarts 9h ago It's a bridal shower. You are already going to the bachelorette party and the wedding (how many different celebrations do people have these days??) If you were a bridesmaid, then I would say go to the bridal shower unless you have the explicit permission of the Bride not to. However, as a guest, just say you are not available. You don't have to say why.
    via u/use_your_smarts
  • 26
    • qbithelp 9h ago I mean, I personally think of current bridal showers as a scam so take my judgement with a grain of salt, but NTA with the knowledge the bride will likely disagree. But you aren't in the wedding party and have already gone to the bachelorette party, I think it's fair to say "sorry, I have already have plans."
    via u/qbithelp

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Wedding Themes family drama Music bride marriage wedding party lorde bridal shower concert reddit story mean wedding story brides family reddit thread Reddit weddings
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