Single dad demands that girlfriend end annual neighborhood party hours earlier so his kids can go to sleep, she refuses to compromise on tradition: ‘It’s not really something I want to change for one guest’

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Sep 3, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

One of the trickiest aspects of dating as a single parent is navigating family traditions. I don't just mean holiday rituals, either. When two single parents get together and try to start blending their lives and parenting styles, they might find that they handle their day-to-day very differently. From bedtime routines, to meals, and social events, there is no "neutral" setup; each parent has their own way of doing things that feels normal to them but completely alien to someone else. Sometimes, compromises can be made on some of the smaller stuff, like screen time rules. But other times, there really is no way forward if no agreement can be reached.

For one mom who's been hosting the same annual neighborhood party for years, blending parenting styles with her boyfriend hasn't been a problem up until now. Her setup has always been the same: kids are invited, but they all get tucked into bed at night while the parents unwind outside. Her boyfriend of six months felt uncomfortable with this arrangement, insisting that the event should end when the kids go to bed. Instead of, say, getting a sitter or sitting this one out, though, he saw the whole thing as a dealbreaker.

Growing up, my family operated similarly during late night events; we cousins and children of family friends would essentially have a sleepover while parents stayed up; they never let kids stop them from having fun late into the night. Still, it makes sense to me that this dad isn't too comfortable putting his kids to bed alongside strangers' kids. The solution, however, isn't to upend the whole annual tradition!

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  • 01

    AITA for not changing my annual backyard party plans for my boyfriend and his kids?

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  • 02
    I (42F) have been hosting an end-of-summer party with my neighbors for years. It's always the same setup: adults and kids
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    come, we all celebrate together, and at some point the kids go to sleep while the adults continue the evening.
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    (
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  • 05
    This year's plan was the same: I was going to bring my kids (6 & 10yo) inside to sleep at our home which is right next to the
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  • 06
    backyard. From the balcony there is both audio and visual access to the yard, and my kids also have a phone they can use to call
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  • 07
    me if needed. After putting them to bed I planned to go back to the backyard for a little while longer to enjoy the evening with friends.
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  • 08
    I invited my boyfriend of 6 months (46M) and his kids (5 & 7yo) to join us. He declined, saying he didn't feel comfortable
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  • 09
    leaving his kids to sleep at my place since they hadn't stayed there before. He also didn't like
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    the idea of putting them to bed at my place while he stayed outside with me, or going to bed with them while I stayed outside.
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  • See, that's fine. Honestly, I wouldn't feel to comfortable leaving my kids like that either. That's why he should hire a babysitter or leave early if he needs to. Instead, he's asking her to completely change everything for him.

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  • 12
    I told him I understood completely, and I didn't have a problem with him choosing not to come. But then he got upset and said that he and his kids weren't
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    actually welcome at the party because of the way the party was set up. I explained that this party has been running for years with
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    the same format, and it's not really something I can or want to change for one guest. My view is that guests can decide if the
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    event works for them, and if not, they don't have to come. In his opinion I should have left the party with him and our kids when it was bedtime.
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    On top of that, during the party I didn't have time to call him because I wanted to focus on my
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    guests and enjoy the evening. He was very hurt by this too, saying I should have made time.
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  • 18
    This all turned into a big argument. So: AITA for not changing the setup of a tradition
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    (and for not calling during the party) to accommodate my boyfriend and his kids?
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  • 21
    Scared Weather1672 NTA. He was testing the waters to see if he can control you. And now he is trying to manipulate you. You did nothing wrong.
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  • 22
    inductiononN Yep, hope you see this OP. He's making a weird demand to see if you'll change your traditions for him and he's pretending he has something to be mad about to manipulate you.
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  • 23
    NTA but I hope you see through this manipulation OP. This man sees relationships as power struggles and he wants you to give up your power. Keep your eyes open for more moves like this.
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  • 24
    Putrid_Performer2509 It also shows a lack of ability to compromise. Why couldn't he come for the first few hours and leave when his kids got tired? Or find a babysitter and go alone? He had options he could have pursued
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  • He showed indication of reaching a compromise either; he just wanted the whole thing to be convenient for him.

  • 25
    Lighthouse_on_Mars NTA He literally could have just came for the party, and left with his kids when it got late if he didn't want them sleeping over. Like, that's it, full stop...
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  • 26
    Instead, he's mad? You have only known for a couple months, wanted you to change a tradition that involves others, for what? Like, I still don't understand why he is so upset about this. It just doesn't make sense.
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  • 27
    Embarrassed-Draw109 Exactly! And another option was to hire a sitter to stay in the house with the children until he was ready to go.
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  • 28
    And he wanted her to step away from this party that he refused to attend, and phone him, just to chat? But she didn't so now he's pouting?
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  • 29
    embopbopbopdoowop NTA He could have come, partied, then left with his kids. He wanted you to ditch this for him. Good on you for not doing SO.
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  • 30
    Lalalopsi-i Literally there were soo many reasonable solutions but he wants Op to scrap the whole party because he's not comfortable with his kids sleeping over.
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  • 31
    Slytherin Sister Or, if he didn't feel comfortable having his kids around in an unfamiliar environment, he could have just come alone and socialised with the adults? Either one works.
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  • 32
    Instead, he has to throw a hissy fit like a moody toddler, which is just embarrassing at his age.
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  • 33
    Tricky-Fig4772 At least he's showing you his control issues early! Controlling and manipulating. It feels like there's a dig on your parenting there too. He hasn't been around long enough. Let him go.
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boyfriend relationship advice single relationships parenting girlfriend entitled breakup red flag raising kids healthy relationship parents dating entitled people
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