Parents back out of paying for daughter's "fake" wedding in California when they find out it won't be legally binding, putting their relationship with her in jeopardy: 'We just don't see the point'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Sep 10, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

In the U.S., weddings are typically all-in-one. Whether you choose a religious or secular ceremony, you're probably also signing your marriage license that same day. But in other cultures, it's perfectly normal to separate the two: a legal wedding on one day, a religious or cultural celebration on another. After all, a wedding isn't just about paperwork, it's a chance to bring family and friends together to celebrate love, commitment, and partnership. 

A fun fact about me is that I'll actually be having three weddings: a courthouse ceremony, one for my side of the family in South America, and another for my fiancé's family in Europe. Only the first is strictly "necessary," but the others are joyful excuses to celebrate with the people who matter most to us. That's the same logic used by the bride-to-be in our story today. Her family is based in sunny California, while she and her fiancé live in Ohio with his side. To honor both families, they planned two weddings, with her parents offering to pay for the one in California.

But when her parents learned that the Ohio wedding would be the legal one, they suddenly pulled back, declaring they wouldn't spend a dime on what they considered a "fake" wedding. Instead of celebrating their daughter's happiness, they drew a hard line over little details that didn't really affect them. 

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  • 01

    WIBTA If I Cancelled My Daughter's Wedding?

    Cheezburger Image 10552080640
    via pixelshot

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Our daughter got engaged a few months ago. We're very happy for her and we think her fiancé is a great guy!
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 03
    They told us the happy news and advised that they wanted to have two weddings - one here in So Cal, (where our daughter grew up
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 04
    and most of her family is), and one in OH, (where they currently live and where her fiancé's family
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 05
    and friends are). The two wedding plan was done primarily since both have elderly relatives who no longer travel.
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 06
    We were fine with this plan, and offered to pay for the So Cal wedding entirely since it
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 07
    obviously accommodates our friends and family. And hosting a wedding in So Cal is much more expensive than hosting a
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 08
    wedding in OH. They told us that they would pay for half of the OH wedding and that her fiancés parents would pay for the other half.
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 09
    We discussed potential dates and venues here in So Cal with them, and got their approval before putting down any
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 10
    deposits. We all agreed that the So Cal wedding would be the legal wedding, especially since it was scheduled to take place two months before the OH wedding.
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 11
    Today we were informed that they intend for the OH wedding to be the legal wedding. My husband and I were shocked as we thought this issue had been settled.
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10552081664
    via George Chambers from Pexels

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    Now we are struggling with the issue of why we are even having a So Cal wedding if it's basically fake and not legally binding. It's
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 14
    not even like we could turn the So Cal wedding into a celebration party as they won't yet be married by the date of the So Cal event!
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 15
    Since this is costing us a great deal of money, we are considering just cancelling the So Cal wedding.
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 16
    ཙ་ཧྥུ་ Marriage Contrai Maine Prenuptial Agreemen THIS AGREEMENT made this 08 day of June, 2016 by m (husband) of Green Rose st, 4802 (address) and Elizabeth Adang Willshir Road, 2243 (address). WITNESSETHA S, a marriage is about to be solens
    via pixelshot

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 17
    We just don't see the point in spending a lot of money for a fake wedding.
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva

  • Sounds like there is some jealousy at play here. Did they not feel bad for the groom's family before, being forced to pay for a “fake” wedding, and all?

  • 18
    WIBTA if I cancelled the So Cal wedding and we just attended the OH wedding? We're honestly heartbroken, but do not want to poison our relationship with our daughter or future in-laws.
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 19
    If they had come to us originally with the plan of getting married in OH, we would've accepted it and offered to contribute to the cost, even though it's going to be 99% his family and friends there.
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 20
    If we cancel the So Cal wedding, we will lose about 5k in deposits / sunken costs, but it would still be more palatable than 40k+ for a fake wedding. Are we the ?
    via u/SoCalGirl4Eva
  • 21
    Cheezburger Image 10552081408
    via MNstudio

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 22
    YTA jigjoy One of the weddings would always be a "fake" wedding, now it's only an issue bc "your" wedding is the fake one?
    via u/jigjoy
  • 23
    The point of the wedding is to celebrate with family and friends their union and their love, that's the point. Your daughter probably wants to have her family in her
    via u/jigjoy
  • 24
    wedding, and by family, I mean the extended one, not just you and your husband, and probably the ones in the family that can't travel are important for her to be there as well.
    via u/jigjoy
  • 25
    If the condition for you to pay for the SoCal wedding was to have the legal wedding be over there, then you should've said that early on and made that an explicit condition. It feels petty.
    via u/jigjoy
  • 26
    mrik85 I get your point, but if the SoCal one is first you would assume it be the legal one & Ohio would just be more of a celebration for the people there
    via u/mrik85

  • It's still all just semantics. It doesn't really matter! So, maybe they're choosing to have “dessert” before “dinner,” if you will, but logistically it just makes way more sense for the couple to have the legal wedding in the state the live in. 

  • 27
    OutrageousMixture568 They live in Ohio so I can see why they would choose for that to be the legal ceremony. It gives them a lot more flexibility to handle the legal aspects if they are not spending a lot of time in SoCal in the lead up to that wedding.
    via u/OutrageousMixture568
  • 28
    sl tychristmastree This exactly. It doesn't make sense for them to deal with getting a marriage license, etc. in a state they don't live in if they're also going to be holding a wedding in the other state.
    via u/sl tychristmastree
  • 29
    OP, YTA because you agreed with every aspect of this plan until they changed an arbitrary detail that doesn't affect you at all.
    via u/sl tychristmastree
  • 30
    Short Tradition_649 YTA. Your daughter told you she wanted to have two weddings so that relatives who don't travel can all experience her and her partner sharing a celebration of their love.
    via u/Short_Tradition_649
  • 31
    But *your* side just has to be the legal one? You would attend the OH one, but what about her relatives that can't? They just S k it up and don't get to see their granddaughter/niece/cousin get married? What an odd hill to di on.
    via u/Short_Tradition_649

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family drama bride entitled parents groom wedding drama family feud relationships parenting wedding dad family daughter mom parents
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