'It’s always a struggle for him': Dad complains when mom asks him to watch 1 and 2-year-old for 30 minutes while she cooks dinner after work

There are plenty of challenges that can put strain on a long-term relationship, and kids have to be near the top of this reliably long list. No matter how prepared parents-to-be think they are, adding children into the mix is often a shock to the system that brings much more stress and many more arguments. It takes time to figure out the arrangement that is going to work for everyone.

A big source of tension when it comes to couples with kids is feelings of resentment about who does what, childcare-wise. It is very common for one parent to feel that another isn't pulling their weight, or for somebody to feel like they are tasked with a responsibility that they can't cope with. The reality is that raising children is less overwhelming if more than one person is doing it, and co-parents should want to help each other out as much possible.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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    Am I wrong for making my husband solo parent for 30 minutes a day?

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  • This is how one mom felt when she reached a disagreement with her husband about him watching their two toddlers while she made dinner. She worked from home in the afternoons while also watching them, and expected him to be with them for about half an hour when he came home from work, so she could cook uninterrupted.

    However, the dad often felt unable to deal with the responsibility, frequently expecting her to help him with the kids while she was cooking. When she declined a request for help, he got upset, and she wanted to know if her demand for 30 minutes alone was too much.

  • 02
    I just want to preface that my husband is aware I'm making this post. We're not at each others throats about this, but we're definitely not in agreement. So I'm 30F and he's 34m, we have two kids, 1 and 2 years old. I work from home part time, 12pm-5:30pm Monday through Friday. I also
    via Ok-Air1597
  • 03
    watch our two kids. In the morning they get all my attention, and it's not too bad, but in the afternoons after their naps when I'm trying to work, keeps them entertained and taken care of it's quite difficult. We're actively working on a different solution, but this is what we have to do now. My husband comes home right around 5:30 when I get off, and I immediately
    via Ok-Air1597
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  • 05
    start getting dinner ready. I hate laundry and he hates cooking so we have an agreement that I do all the cooking and he does all the laundry and I don't mind at all. The only thing I ask is for him to watch the kids and keep them out of the kitchen for 20-30 mins while I get dinner ready for us all. It's always a struggle for him, and I know he's tired after working all day too, but I really need to be able keep them out so they're safe and I can get it done. He usually
    via Ok-Air1597
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    asks for help, when one is fussing or he has to go to the bathroom or whatever. Tonight, I was in the middle of cooking, hands dirty, stove and oven on, and he asked if I could help change one of the kids while he held the other cause he was being fussy. I told him no, that I do this all day by myself AND work, and all I need is 20 minutes to cook for everyone. He got really upset at this saying that's not fair
    via Ok-Air1597
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    cause I am home now and I can stop for 5 minutes to help. I finally caved and helped but I feel like it's not that much to ask for 20-30 minutes to cook.
    via Ok-Air1597
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  • 08
    I want to add that any other time we're both home we work together letting each other have breaks, time to relax, and both help play and take care of them, the care is very evenly split when we're both home. So AITAH for initially refusing to help my husband with our kids while trying to cook?
    via Ok-Air1597
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    Commenters agreed that the husband needed to take more responsibility.

    bippityboppitynope NTA. He can handle his own children for 30 minutes. Holy h I the weaponized incompetence. He should be embarrassed.
    via bippityboppitynope
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  • 11
    thesweeterpeter ΝΤΑ That's not solo parenting. Thats just parenting. It sounds like he leaves you with the kids ahl of a lot more than 30 mins a day
    via thesweeterpeter
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    messy_tuxedo_cat NTA, It's literally a half hour. What kind of self- respecting parent can't manage their own kids for a few minutes unassisted. when one is fussing
    via messy_tuxedo_cat
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    He can learn how to get them to settle or deal with a half hour of fussing he has to go to the bathroom Why not go to the bathroom right when he gets home so he's in good shape to do his part?
    via messy_tuxedo_cat
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  • 14
    These issues are all things that teenage babysitters manage to navigate, I think a 34 year old can figure it out so your kids aren't underfoot while you're trying to cook the whole family dinner. If he needs 20-30 minutes to fold laundry, you can return the favor.
    via messy_tuxedo_cat
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    Okdoey ΝΤΑ That's not even being a solo parent for 30 mins. Being a solo parent is taking care of the two kids WHILE cooking the food you are going to feed them dinner. That's solo parenting. I know.......because I'm a solo parent and I do it every day.
    via Okdoey
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    He can certainly see and care for his own kids for 30 mins a day while someone else is cooking him a nice meal.
    via Okdoey
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  • 17
    Agile-Caregiver6111 So you're working 2.5 jobs most of the day while he works one and then struggles to occupy them until dinner is done? He can always read and get them in the tub while you cook it's not hard. He just don't want to
    via Agile-Caregiver6111
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    hardly ethereal That's not solo parenting. He needs to do parenting. If he can't regular handle two toddlers on his own, he's pathetic and should be ashamed of himself and PRACTICE more instead of getting upset at you. NTA
    via hardly_ethereal
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    EfficiencyForsaken96 NTA. He is perfectly capable of handling his two children alone for 20-30 minutes a day.
    via EfficiencyForsaken96
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  • 20
    Sifiisnewreality "he asked if I could help change one of the kids while he held the other cause he was being fussy." Oh for Pete's sake! There was absolutely no reason he couldn't put fussy child into a playpen or equivalent, and changed the diaper. NTA but his incompetent act is childish.
    via Sifiisnewreality
  • 21
    Nalpona_Freesun Cooking and preparing food IS part of parenting so.... he is not even solo parenting. So absolutely NTA
    via Nalpona_Freesun
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    Laramila You watch the kids all day, including when you are working, and he can't be assed to watch them for 30 minutes while you cook dinner? NTA, at all.
    via Laramila
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  • 23
    West_House_2085 Your poor 3 children! NTAA
    via West_House_2085

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