‘Crack in the sidewalk? Kyle gets a phone call': Security workers bombard their new client with safety notifications after he badmouths their work ethic

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Sep 17, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

An overbearing client insulted the efficacy of his new security team, so they decided to prove their work ethic by blowing up his phone notifications with benign updates. As requested, they reported EVERY SINGLE INCIDENT to their new boss, even down to the last crack in the sidewalk. Sometimes, malicious compliance makes our bosses realize their idiocracy, but this story made a man lose his cool and lose hours of sleep over useless security updates. 

Maybe from now on, he'll trust his team's judgement on their usual reports. 

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  • Not everyone security report is urgent. Like every other job, there are lulls in the average security officer's day, especially when you're guarding 1,000,000 square feet of warehouses. Although they were accustomed to the monotony, this new client hired his security team to work hard, so he ordered them to send every security concern straight to his cell, no matter how minor. But this request came back to bite him... 

  • SECURITY
    via Andrey Popov

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Client said to call for everything that happens... so I did.
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  • I work as a patrol security guard for a large security company. For those who are in the industry, it's one of the "big three."
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  • This is one of many malicious compliance stories I have from my job, but this one is fresh off the steamer.
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  • This started about two weeks ago, on an ordinary night shift (for me at least). As I'm heading to my first stop of the night, I get a text
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  • from my coworker that our point contact for one of the many properties that we service wants me to call him. The point of contact, let's call him "Kyle." Kyle is an
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  • insufferable person. All be does is annoy, harass, and intimidate myself and my coworkers at every point he can. I guess it makes him feel powerful I guess.
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  • So, I call Kyle, and when he answers, I can't even get an introduction in before he launches into this tirade about one of 5 warehouses he's in charge of (this is
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  • important later) for another large international company, about how there was a suspicious vehicle on the property. I try to politely
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  • tell him that I haven't made a stop there as I had just started my shift, and that there was a standing guard on site that could deal with the
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  • incident. But he cuts me off, yelling at me that he is paying my employer for my services and that he can tell me what to do.
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  • For whatever reason, he dropped the big stink about the suspicious vehicle, and rant's incoherently about how me and my coworkers
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  • were incompetent old idiots that get overpaid (I'm 20 and get paid $20/hr lol). Eventually, he stops, and tells me that from now on he wants
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  • anything that is even the tiniest concern to be reported to him by phone call regardless of the time. (For context, most concerns are
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  • documented on an incident report, which is submitted by email, unless there's an emergency or something major that would lead to
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  • significant loss to the client, ex. Fire, burglary, flooding, etc. and even then we still would write an incident report.).
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  • I asked Kyle to send me that in a text from his company issued phone, which he promptly does. He also asks me to inform
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  • my other co-workers about his request, which I also ask for in a text, which he does as well before promptly hanging up.
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  • This is where the fun began. Remember the 5 warehouses I mentioned earlier? These warehouses are massive, each one is 1+ million square feet buildings, one
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  • of which is nearly a half mile long. I continue with my night, and once I get back to the office I write down a note for my coworkers that Kyle had
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  • requested that all concerns, no matter how minor be reported to him. I also sent an email to the supervisor of our neighboring patrol team that borders our coverage
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  • area informing him as such. (the 5 warehouses are split where my patrol team does 3 and the other team does two of them.) Another fun fact is
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  • the system we use to write our reports only lets us write one report per concern, so every concern we have is reported to him.
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  • This meant that for the last two weeks his phone and email has been getting blown up for every little thing possible at every time of the day
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  • and night. Crack in the sidewalk? Kyle gets a phone call. A single decorative rock is missing? Kyle gets a phone call. The lines in the parking lot are faded? Kyle gets a phone call.
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  • This went on until tonight, when I went to call Kyle to report that the exterior light on the guard shack was burnt out (it wasn't even used) and he just
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  • lost it. Yelling, cussing, the whole 9 yards. He says that he hasn't gotten more that two hours of sleep in the last two weeks and his email is
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  • getting flooded so much with reports that he can't find any important emails he actually needs. I remind him in a very
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  • sweet but obviously sarcastic voice about our conversation two weeks ago and how he asked for any concerns need to be called into him, and that
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  • we were incompetent old people who were just following his orders. He went silent for a few minutes before he went off again, saying he was
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  • going to have me fired and how I was a useless excuse of a person and on and on before telling me that we can stop calling him and we can go
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  • back to our old way of doing things. I ask him for that in writing and he calls me a stupid b and a few other insults that are too spicy to say here before hanging up.
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  • He did text it to me that we could stop about 5 minutes later. I'm still giggling like a little kid even though this happened 6 hours ago
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  • now, but I know that I won't get in any trouble since my boss is well aware that if I do something petty like this, it was probably deserved.
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  • Respectfu... Bravo! Getting him To text you with his request was really fast thinking.I'm sure everyone had a great 2 weeks...
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  • andrew6197 And now you call his boss and report him for everything he called you. HI you can even throw in hostile work environment at the end.
    via andrew6197

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