‘They are old enough to realize what's wrong’: Stepmom tells 13 and 16-year-old stepdaughters to stop calling her ‘Mom’ after she realizes they only consider her a parent when their biological mother isn't around

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Oct 19, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Stepparents often have a bad reputation before they can prove that they're capable of being a sufficient and loving parental figure. Normally, a child might hold some skepticism when a stranger joins their family, and that's understandable. For whatever reason, one of the child's biological parents is no longer in the picture, and they might assume that their new stepparent is trying to kick them out of their lives completely.

Believe it or not, many stepparents want to be an extension of the child's existing guardianship. Looking at parenthood like it's some black and white thing is a child's first mistake… But can we blame them? Is there another person in their ear, feeding them game plays like they're the head coach and it's the NFL playoffs?

Even still, some children should know better than to rip guardianship away from their stepparents when they feel like it. When you consistently treat your stepparent like garbage despite their efforts to be a pillar of support for you, then you can't get mad when they don't want to assume a guardian-like role in your life.

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    Cheezburger Image 10564629504
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The two teens in the story below build their stepmother up, only to kick her down five notches whenever their biological mother re-enters the picture.

    In the grand scheme of things, kids with familial issues will misplace their anger where they see fit. Do we let this go on indefinitely, though? A child, especially a teen, should at some point learn that their words matter. The stepmother here makes that point loud and clear, and the teens are taken aback.

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    "Aitah for telling my stepkids that I no longer view them as my kids?"

    To start this off this is an throwaway as I don't want this connected to my main account.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
  • 03
    I'm 36f and my husband is 42m and has 2 daughters who are 16 and 13.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
  • 04
    My husband and I have been together for 8 years. For some context The girls have a mom who's just not active in their life, she comes around once a year or every other year and stays for 2 to 3 months and then leaves.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
  • 05
    The problem is when she comes in town the girls change, for example after me and their dad got married they started calling me mom as they felt I was their mom, but when their mom came back they would stop and call her mom and push me to the side I understood why they did that then as they were young and confused and was trying to please her.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
  • 06
    We put them in therapy and their therapist had them apologize and they tried to explain it.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
  • 07
    The next two times it happened she told me to try and have a talk with them.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
  • 08
    Their mom decided not to come for the next 2 years and it was a really peaceful 2 years the kids were good enjoying school their new brother and were just happy.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
  • 09
    This year their mom decided to come. She came in August and stayed until about a week ago.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
  • 10
    This time when she came the girls changed completely it started with not calling me mom, to saying disrespectful things to me and their dad, to them telling their brother they didn't like him and that he wasn't their real brother, and some other stuff, but the main thing they said that really hurt was I wasn't their mom and that I would never be and that I'm a bad step mom and their mom is their only mom.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
  • 11
    So last week when their mom left, they slowly tried to crawl back and tried to start calling me mom again and I told them I didn't want them to call me that anymore.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
  • 12
    They looked shocked when I said that and asked why, I told them that they told me multiple times that I'm not their mom and that I'm a bad step mom and that their mom is only their mom, so I said I no longer view you as my kids.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
  • 13
    They looked hurt and went to tell their dad what was said and he said its between us, their therapist thinks i was harsh but I don't, as they are old enough to realize what's wrong to say and what's right.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
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    So aitah? Note: I also want to put I don't blame the younger one as much as I blame the older one, as she should know better, and I understand things with parents are hard but I was younger than her when I cut my father off, and he was similar to how their mom is.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
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    Cheezburger Image 10564630784
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    The rose colored glasses should be faded or fading by now as shes old enough to understand.
    via Hot-Dragonfly-8813
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    ProgrammerRich6549 It sounds like their mom is in their ear telling them stuff, probably lies, about you and their dad. That's what it seems like is happening every time their mom shows up, they probably miss her and want her validation so they listen to her.
    via ProgrammerRich6549
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    AdelaKind Yeah, that makes total sense. Kids soak up whatever they hear, especially from a parent they're craving attention from. It's heartbreaking but super common.
    via AdelaKind
  • 19
    CorneliaSlivaWr They told you repeatedly that you're not their mom. You're just finally believing them. They are absolutely old enough to understand that relationships aren't a switch you can flip on and off whenever their bio mom decides to show up. Your husband is a bit of an AH here for not backing you up. ΝΤΑ
    via CorneliaSlivaWr
  • 20
    KB4609 Your girls need to understand everyone even parents have feelings that can be hurt. My take is you need to navigate this because you're stuck with these "mean girls" and you are their parent. I wouldn't want them calling me Mom either because you don't treat your mom that way. But we all know they are being influenced by bio mom and you need to be the bigger person in this situation. Be the positive influence on them but set those boundaries as to how you will accept being treated. Also k
    via KB4609
  • 21
    demonmonkeybex It sounds like the entire family needs to go to therapy and have this addressed so the kids can see how this affects their actual REAL mom. And dad can be confronted with how he hasn't stepped up to stop the bio mom from popping up and ruining the family dynamic whenever she feels like it.
    via demonmonkeybex
  • 22
    Prudent_Solid_3132 Thank god a sensible response. All the people saying NTA not understanding these are children who are likely being manipulated by their bio mom and acting like this to please her
    via Prudent_Solid_3132
  • 23
    But also the YTA who come in with the "brain isn't fully developed until 25" BS, acting like that somehow absolves those under that age of any crap they do and shouldn't have any consequences. People will say that sounds contradictory but it really isn't.
    via Prudent_Solid_3132
  • 24
    Yes they are kids, but they are at ages, especially the oldest, where they need to understand that there are consequences to one's actions such as these, which those consequences are being that they hurt their relationship with OP, and while she shouldn't write them off completely, they need to learn relationships aren't something you can just flip on and off like a light switch.
    via Prudent_Solid_3132

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family dynamics family drama stepmother marriage married with children kids blended family stepmom reddit story family feud parenting stepdaughter dad family reddit thread Reddit parents entitled people
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