Mom wishes she had never married before her 2nd husband in front of her 16 and 20-year-old kids that she mothered with her 1st husband: 'She wished you and your brother never existed'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Oct 21, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

They didn't even divorce; she just has that much disdain for her children and their late father.

One of the best parts of not having children with your ex is that you can badmouth your ex all you want. If you have a child with your ex, you have to be very careful about how you talk about them in front of your kid and when you're away from your kid. The way you talk about your child's mother or father when you're not around them can seep into the way you talk about them when you are around them, and it can really hurt a kid to hear one parent being passive-aggressive towards their other parent. 

Some people wish they had never met their ex, and in many cases, that's fine. All of us have had relationships from which we feel we grew and learned, and others that felt like a complete waste of precious time we'll never get back. You would think that if a relationship had resulted in two beautiful children, you wouldn't wish that the relationship never happened in front of those children in question, but in this case, you'd unfortunately be wrong. 

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  • The mom in this story loves her life. She has a wonderful husband, not to mention their four wonderful children. Her only regret is marrying her ex-husband, who passed away many years ago. So what's the problem? She had her two oldest children with her late ex-husband, and she frequently mentions that she wishes she had never married him. 

  • MERALD ISL AUTICAL EXPEDITIONS 1957 EST. E North Carolina.
    via Paige Laine Elmer

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the bad guy for being mad at my mom for wishing she met my stepdad sooner so she could have only dated him?

    My mom and dad met in high school and dated until their early 20s when they got married. They had my brother (20m) and then me (16f) and when I was three dad died. My mom met my stepdad a year later and they got married after five months of dating. My mom and stepdad have four kids together. They're
    via u/Sianoyo8
  • really in love and happy. It hurts me and my brother that mom will tell people she wishes she had met my stepdad sooner and he's the love of her life and how she wishes she could erase all their previous dating history so they were only ever with each other.
    via u/Sianoyo8
  • She doesn't say that all the time. But I heard her say it like seven times. My brother heard her say it all of those times and three other times. My stepdad always said life would be more perfect if that had happened. I know he says it
    via u/Sianoyo8
  • because he likes to say me and my brother would be his kids then but it bothers me. It makes me dislike both of them and my brother hates our stepdad and really dislikes mom for saying that stuff.
    via u/Sianoyo8
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    via Ionut Roman

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My mom started going to therapy with me a few weeks ago. My brother went no contact last year after being low contact since he turned 18. My mom tried to find out why but he shut her out. He doesn't talk to our stepdad either and has him blocked too. But he
    via u/Sianoyo8
  • stopped talking to him when he moved out and did talk to mom a little for a while after he left. Now it's radio silence. I know why but he never explained it to mom. But mom knows she doesn't have a great relationship with either of us so she said she wants to salvage things before they get that bad.
    via u/Sianoyo8
  • In therapy she said she didn't understand why the two of us turned against her and why she can't even get an explanation from my brother. I told her how it felt to hear her say those things about wishing she had met her husband sooner and wishing she had only ever been with him. I
    via u/Sianoyo8
  • said that erases dad and it erases who we are because we're not the kids she'd have if she never met dad. She told me she could understand my brother not liking that but she said my stepdad is the only dad I ever knew and it shouldn't bother me. I said it does because my stepdad isn't my dad and I wouldn't want to be deleted from my kids lives if I
    via u/Sianoyo8
  • died when they were babies. I told her it still bothered me that she wanted to erase my dad and that she wouldn't think about how us hearing it would hurt. She said we don't have the right to be mad or have feelings about her love life or relationships. She said they're separate. I told her that's right and ours are separate from her. I said she might love stepdad
    via u/Sianoyo8
  • and only want him but it doesn't mean we do. My mom was like are you serious and she told me that I was getting into private business and acting like I can dictate her feelings or wishes. She told me I don't get to be mad at her for expressing her true feelings. The
    via u/Sianoyo8
  • therapist pointed out that she was getting mad at me for mine. Mom said that's different because I'm trying to shame her for loving her husband and she's saying how unfair I'm being. Then she lectured me on how my stepdad is the only man I ever knew as my dad and it's disgusting I wouldn't be happy that he's so loved and that he's here.
    via u/Sianoyo8
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    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My mom and the therapist ended up arguing so I had to leave the room and sessions are just them for now but mom comes out pissed. She's still pissed at me too. AITAH?
    via u/Sianoyo8
  • lihzee NTA. I'm sorry that your mother is so emotionally unintelligent.
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  • Raptor007 Her mother is rapidly on her way to losing another child, but she won't care she has 4 others the she can rewrite her life story and exclude them and if it's ever mentioned she will just blame them.
    via u/RaptorOO7
  • OP's mom is more than lacking emotion intelligence, she lacks empathy, morality, compassion and any degree of for her two oldest kids. Shaming them for telling her the truth is her problem not theirs
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  • GlitterDoomsday She'll care because losing the two kids from her first marriage makes her look bad.
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  • kukonimz That's exactly what I was thinking... her mom has limited intelligence and can't understand something so fundamentally simple about her kids. No wonder her brother went no contact and it doesn't seem like she'd ever understand how her immature words affect her kids. I'm sorry for OP. Being 16 with a mom who's (sorry for the lack of finesse)a moron is really hard. I don't see therapy with her going anywhere, but hopefully you'll be able to stay in therapy and process this. NTA.
    via u/kukonimz
  • VegetableBusiness897 Tell your mom that the real issue here is if she wished her relationship with your dad never existed, by extention that saying she wished you and your brother never existed
    via u/VegetableBusiness897
  • your_average_plebian Maybe it's time to break out the psychological warfare by telling mom in the next therapy session that OP thought it over and agrees, but she'd rather mom had died and dad had remarried so the hypothetical stepmom would have been the only mother she's ever known. The chances of that woman being more sensitive to OP's feelings would have been higher than mom's.
    via u/your_average_plebian
  • PedXing23 NTA - The biggest problem I see is that your mother really can't get how you feel. She also fails to honor the attachment you and your brother have to your father and how that is part of your identity and the fact that his loss is important and powerful to your life story.
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  • The fact that your mother is arguing with the therapist and comes out angry suggests to me that there are some powerful problems your mother isn't facing - things she does not want to see. Could it be that this wish that your step-father was her only partner (and thus she never married your dad) be in part her own way of avoiding the sense of grief and loss of your father?
    via u/PedXing23
  • Sianoyo8 OP It doesn't feel like she has any love for our dad to us. And I get that technically doesn't have anything to do with us because parents have their own feelings. But it's weird because they were married and according to others they were happily married. I can't wrap my head around her saying the stuff she says out of grief for dad. To me it makes no sense but I'm no expert.
    via u/Sianoyo8

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Tags

therapist family drama marriage brother mother therapy siblings stepfather bad parenting married life bad parents parenting widow family sister stepdad mom half siblings Parenting FAILS
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