Stepmom and dad refuse to let 19-year-old college student come home for Thanksgiving, says she has to find her own place to live during summer vacation: 'Nobody told me I was completely on my own now'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 25, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

She shouldn't have to live independently during the holiday season.

I'm not on board with parents who kick their kids out of their house the moment they turn 18. I understand parents kicking out a 25-year-old who has spent their entire adult life as a NEET (Not in education, employment, or training), but 18-year-olds are barely adults themselves, and they need support to fall back on during those unstable first couple of years of adulthood. 

If a parent wants their kid to live independently after high school, that's their prerogative, but surely their kid should be welcome at their house during Thanksgiving and Christmastime. Moving out and going to college doesn't mean that you will never sleep under the same roof as your mom and dad ever again. Good parents of adult children are desperate to get extra time to spend with their kids, especially when they live in a different city or state and don't get to see them regularly. It usually takes a kid doing something truly awful for their parents not to want their kids to stay over during the holiday season. That, or the parents aren't good parents, and their kid has to suffer for it.

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  • Woman in black jacket beside tree
    via Ben Tofan

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The young woman in this story doesn't have a great relationship with her mom and stepdad, and now her dad and stepmom are giving her grief. They're refusing to let her stay at their house for Thanksgiving, even though they have a guest room.

  • Am I the bad guy for expecting to be able to come home for holidays and summers even though I’m an adult?

    Hello! I'm 19f and in my first semester of college! I got a scholarship and am going to my dream school, which unfortunately is a plane ride away from home. I live in the dorms in school and haven't been home yet since my dad dropped me off. When I left for college, my younger sister wanted my room since it's the biggest and I was
    via u/Apical-meri
  • fine with that since I will mostly be here outside of holidays and summers, so I packed up my stuff and had the important stuff in totes to put in my new room, and planned on unpacking that when I got back.
    via u/Apical-meri
  • So my parents haven't been together since I was 6, but I don't think I had a bad childhood? They both remarried, my dad and stepmom have two kids under 10 and my mom didn't have any more. My stepdad has a job that has him living in different countries every few years, when my mom married him 3 years ago she still obviously lived in our city
    via u/Apical-meri
  • but after I graduated they sold the house and she now lives with him full-time. Their plan is to come back for holidays etc and stay at his family house. Also, my mom and I don't get along very well, I love her but she's not very nice to me and has always been judgemental and it stresses me out. Don't get mad at me, I love
    via u/Apical-meri
  • both my parents equally and would do anything for them, but it's my dad that I call when I need to talk or for advice.I guess the only other big thing is that since I have a scholarship, my parents agreed they'd cover all my flights and other expenses from my college fund.
    via u/Apical-meri
  • White airplane under blue sky during daytime
    via Artturi Jalli

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I called my dad earlier this week to ask him about Thanksgiving. He got kind of weird and told me I shouldn't worry about coming home, they probably weren't doing much and he knew I liked my school. But everyone else will be gone and the dorms will be closed! I haven't told him this but
    via u/Apical-meri
  • I have a boyfriend who wants me to go home with him, but I was really feeling homesick lately and excited about seeing everyone. I told him I didn't mind, I missed them and even if we just had pizza on Thanksgiving it would be fun. He said he'd look at flights and get back to me.
    via u/Apical-meri
  • But last night my stepmom called, she's always been really nice and it's hard to explain but she was still nice when she told me all of this stuff. But basically she said that I'm an adult now, and needed to figure it out on my own. They supported me my whole life, but they had other kids to focus on now. I was like.. ok? I'm in school? I'm only 19! I don't
    via u/Apical-meri
  • have a job at school but do at home, but I only have a few thousand dollars in my account. I told her it was fine if my room wasn't set up, I could work on it that week if that's what she was worried about but she told me that not only was my sister's old room not set up for me - it was repurposed as a home gym and they simply didn't have anywhere
    via u/Apical-meri
  • for me to stay. Which isn't true - they have a guest room but I guess her brother is staying with them that week for the holiday. I kind of freaked out because - where will I stay when school isn't in session?? She got really disappointed in me and reiterated that I was an adult now and could stay with my mom or figure it out.
    via u/Apical-meri
  • She said since I wasn't a part of their nuclear family I couldn't expect to have a room at their home as an adult. I actually was crying because nobody told me that going to college meant I didn't have a home anymore! She said she was sad this was how I was reacting, and I was being a brat about it.
    via u/Apical-meri
  • A woman sitting at a table with a plate of food
    via Brock Wegner (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I've been freaking out ever since. I only have my dad's parents and siblings as family and they live in Florida.l called my grandma and asked her if I could stay with them over the summer and she said of course, but now I just feel like the biggest imposition in the world. Nobody told me I was completely on my own now and honestly? I'm not ready! I'm only
    via u/Apical-meri
  • 19! If they had told me it was out the door at high school well first off I would have not been as good of a daughter to them as I was but I would have at least had a heads up. Now my dad is mad I brought his mom into this and my stepmom says I'm being incredibly entitled. Should I apologize to them?
    via u/Apical-meri
  • nursepenguin36 NTA I'd go low contact. A few years from now when dad asks why he never sees you tell him well the last time I tried to come home you put me off and then you had your wife call and make it clear I'm not part of the "nuclear family," and that there's no longer a place for me.
    via u/nursepenguin36
  • Apical-meri OP I've helped them so much when I could have even working or with my friends. Absolutely the next and last time I ever want to be in their presence is when I get my stuff.
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  • DazzlingPotion I suggest you get it sooner than later because a stepmom like this could easily just decide to get rid of it! Ask your grandma if you can keep your stuff there until you graduate and get your own place.
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  • Apical-meri OP Some of it is valuable stuff from my mom's mom. I might let her know that if anything happens to it I will press charges? And have my stepdads sister go and get it? She said she would
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  • DazzlingPotion Secure the expensive stuff with a very trustworthy person. Pressing charges may not bring much punishment or get you reimbursed. You may need pictures, receipts and appraisals.
    via u/DazzlingPotion
  • FrontTour1583 Nta all our "adult" kids still have their rooms as they go through college. And if we moved and couldn't keep a room for them they'd still have a place with us no matter what. College is adult but it's not adult adult when they didn't prepare you at all for that. Parents should know college dorms aren't full time housing. I'm so sorry you're dealing with. But I would talk directly to your dad. It's bs he's being a coward and making step mom deal with this. Tell him directly you don
    via u/FrontTour1583
  • Apical-meri OP I have talked to him and he just keeps saying we'll figure it out but is mad I talked to my grandma. I know my grandparents charged my dad rent after high school but that was so long ago, and they're not even giving me that option. I am a good kid and have always helped them with my siblings and with my stepmoms parents when they were sick and now I feel like there's nobody to help me.
    via u/Apical-meri
  • cx4444 Who cares if you Dad is mad you talked to you grandparents. He can't just decide you are no longer family after 18. If he is going to act like you no longer exist then you should treat them the same. Lean on those who you can rely on and care about you
    via u/cx4444

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family drama stepmother thanksgiving crazy things parents say college students stepmom bad parenting bad parents parenting dad family mom Parenting Fail college student Father
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