Parents insist 30-year-old son gets a prenup after daughter-in-law demands they pay for entire wedding: 'My husband and I have the money to pay the full $80k'

It has often been observed that planning a wedding can bring out the worst in some people. The bridezilla is a well-worn trope because it has a lot of anecdotal evidence to back it up, and the arguments and controversies often don't just stop with the bride. Friends and family can be just as difficult, if not more so. 

One of the most common things to cause an upset is the topic of money. The average wedding ceremony and accompanying afterparty do not come cheap, and somebody has to foot the bill. 

Quite often, at least part of this burden will fall on the parents of the bride and/or groom. Many are more than happy to make a contribution for their child's big day, but if they or their partner start to get too entitled, it can completely change how they view their role in the nuptials. It is a topic that requires tact.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • an older couple look at each other and smile while embracing outside
    via Jackie Best

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • In this story, a mother-in-law was affronted when her future daughter-in-law demanded she and her husband pay for their entire $80k wedding. The parents were relatively well off, and the son, daughter-in-law, and daughter-in-law's family were less so.

    This mom and dad had already offered to pay for the honeymoon, and had already paid for the less extravagant wedding of their daughter. Because of this, the daughter-in-law expected them to do the same for her and their son.

    The MIL did not take kindly to this entitled behavior and worried about the choice her son was making in a partner. As a result, she asked that he get a prenup if they wanted them to financially contribute to the wedding at all. He was insulted by this proposition, and she wanted a second opinion.

  • AITA for not financially contributing to my son's wedding unless he gets a prenup?

    My husband (61M) and I (62F) are in a very comfortable position financially, I retired recently as senior VP of a tech company and my husband had a successful company that he sold very profitably. We have a daughter (34F) and son (30M). My hubby and I paid for both our kids' college degrees including masters and both kids are professionally succesfull.
    via Tough_Echo_6697
  • Our daughter got married 2 years ago and she had a court wedding followed by dinner at a restaurant with less than 25 people including us and groom's parents. She and my son in law paid for it. Asked for no help. My hubby and I gave them $25K as wedding gift. They were buying a house at the time and we thought a cash gift would be helpful for them.
    via Tough_Echo_6697
  • Our son got engaged a few months ago. He and my DIL to be (30F) are busy planning their wedding. We were considering paying for their honeymoon as gift. His fiancee works for an insurance company and my son is a doctor, currently doing his residency. They dont have a ton of money and we were a bit surprised when we heard about some of the wedding plans. My DIL to be wants to have her "dream day" in a castle like hotel venue, with 250
    via Tough_Echo_6697
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  • people (she has a large family) and her budget is around USD 80K not incl honeymoon. She has a favorite vera wang dress already picked out. Her family cannot afford to pay for any of this and she is still paying off her student loans. All of these were shared when they came over to stay with us for the weekend. My son was silent and DIL-to-be did most of the talking.
    via Tough_Echo_6697
  • I shared we would love to gift their honeymoon and take that off their plate. My son was like "thats amazing, thank you Mom and Dad, we would appreciate that a lot" and dil-to-be sort of had a pursed lip expression and didnt say anything. She was dating my son when my daughter got married and is fully aware of how my daughter did her wedding despite both my daughter and her fiance being in a significantly better financial position.
    via Tough_Echo_6697
  • a man and a woman embrace on a sailboat
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • Anyway, my DIL-to-be cornered me in the kitchen next morning. She started by asking me what I thought about her wedding ideas. I said, the ideas were nice but not sure if its affordable. She goes like, it would be affordable, if my husband and I can help. I was like, how so? She goes on to say, that my husband and I have certainly have the money to be able to pay for everything, the full 80K and then the honeymoon of course would be
    via Tough_Echo_6697
  • very nice. She adds, since we didnt have to spend any money on my daughter's wedding, we can hopefully put that also into my son's instead. I simply said, I will talk to my husband and let both of them know. She looked visibly annoyed at this and said, you dont look like someone who needs her husband's permission to access money, that if I wanted to help my son, I can just decide to do it. I was pretty pissed at this point and left the room without responding and avoided her till they left.
    via Tough_Echo_6697
  • This whole conversation had all my alarm bells ringing. I didnt have any issues with her until now. To be fair, we havent spent a ton of time together. My job kept me very busy till 6 months ago. I discussed it with my husband and he agreed with me. We had a private conversation with my son and shared what happened. He looked pretty sad and told us she has been asking him to make the request of us. And that he said no, as he knew it wasn't
    via Tough_Echo_6697
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  • a right expectation. My husband asked point blank if he is getting a prenup and my son said no. I said considering that my future DIL went over my son's head to ask his mom for money, he would be stupid not to get one. He kept saying we are judging her too harshly based on one incident. He thinks we are runining his engagement by making his wife to be seem like a gold digger. He apparently doesn't expect us to pay, just dont want this incident to get in the way of wedding plans. We didnt ask him
    via Tough_Echo_6697
  • They havent set a wedding date yet, considering future DIL's plans, wedding is at least a year away. We feel strongly our son should at least sit down with a lawyer and hear out the pros/cons of having a prenup. My son pointed out that my husband and I never got one. But we both had similar values coming into our marriage unlike his fiancee and him. We proposed that if he gets a prenup, we will pay $25K towards wedding. We also took the honeymoon gift off the table. My son said we are being assh
    via Tough_Echo_6697
  • a wedding reception table seen through a doorway in a grand old building
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  • People agreed that she was right to be cautious.

    phdoofus Apparently he was aware of her ways enough to say 'no' when she was telling him to ask so saying it's a 'one off' problem doesn't seem right. Also saying that you seem to not need permission from your husband to cover the expense is a huge flag because it tells me she doesn't understand marriage. you're not 'asking permission' you're discussing what should be a shared decision like adults and deciding if you want to do that thing or not even if the money would be
    via phdoofus
  • mostly yours. she sounds a lot like she expects to be queen of the house and that your son 'better know his place'. Regardless of the prenup (which she'll obviously never accept and he knows it) this doesn't sound like the kind of person you want your son to marry. You don't have to say you forbid it or anything but you don't have to financially support it either. If she loves him, it won't matter. I suspect, however, she'll dump him for the the option that'll give her what she wants.
    via phdoofus
  • Ih8melvin2 If your son wants to protect his earnings from his future wife, he can ask for a prenup. If you want to protect your money from her when he inherits it, I think it should go into a trust. I'm not a lawyer, but you can talk to whoever did your estate planning and ask them.
    via lh8melvin2
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  • LostInNothingBox NTA. She is a gold digger. Tell your son he's old enough to make his choices and not to expect you to bail him out later.
    via LostInNothingBox
  • LobsterLoving Llama NTA and a Vera wang dress and 250 guests will far exceed $80k
    via LobsterLovingLlama
  • jrm1102 NTA - yet, but you need to drop it. He knows how you feel, but hes an adult and can make his own choices. But I also wouldn't contribute anymore money to this wedding than what you already planned on. Itll likely be a waste as this marriage likely wont last.
    via jrm1102
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  • nolaz It's not just the gold digging - it's also her perception that it's ok for one spouse to commit large amounts of money without consulting the other. Maybe encourage your son to meet w a financial planner since the pre nup thing isn't going too well?
    via nolaz
  • lemon_icing NTA - no one has the privilege of spending your money for you. Your son knew better and didn't ask. Keep it equitable between the siblings and pay for the honeymoon, as you had offered, or write a check for $25k. He's being foolish but he is an adult. Sorry.
    via lemon_icing
  • strikecat18 This sounds like textbook gold digger behavior. Him soon to be a doctor already made him a target. You're right for your concern. Whether or not he'll listen to you is entirely dependent on what sort of relationship you guys have.
    via strikecat18
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