33-year-old woman refuses to host Thanksgiving again after her 35-year-old brother’s family trashed her home and offered no help, sparking a family feud over holiday hosting and responsibilities: '[They said] it's just one messy weekend'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Oct 30, 2025 7:00 AM EDT

Most people consider themselves lucky if they can maintain a healthy relationship with their siblings into adulthood. Not only does it benefit them personally, but those relationships often blossom towards their spouses and children, building an even stronger family network. That being said, sibling relationships can also grow more complicated with age. The fights aren't only over the TV remote anymore, instead, they involve hosting duties, RSVPs, and making sure the relationship resembles equal elements of give-and-take.

These siblings are the epitome of "But Mom, he started it!", even in their 'adult era.' Every year, when Thanksgiving rolls around, the family follows a long-standing tradition of rotating hosting duties. Everyone usually looks forward to the big day. However, that excitement quickly faded after last year's debacle. It was the 33-year-old daughter's turn to host, but instead of enjoying a warm, festive weekend, she found herself buying all the groceries, cooking every meal, and cleaning up after her brother's messy family…To the point that she even contemplated listing her home on Airbnb, at least then she'd be paid for all her hard work. So when this year came around and her parents asked her to host again, her answer was a firm N-O. Unfortunately, her brother and his family weren't too happy when discovering why…

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  • She promised herself she would never host again…and if her brother wanted a Thanksgiving celebration so badly, he could host (and buy groceries, and cook, and clean) himself, because as she saw it, they were indebted to her enough for the next five thanksgivings…He can claim she's holding a grudge, but at this point, I don't think she has a problem with that, and neither do her crayon-stained walls thanks to his kid's activities from the year prior. 

  • Family enjoying Thanksgiving dinner.
    via Tima Miroshnichenko

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITJ for refusing to host Thanksgiving after my brother’s family treated my house like a hotel last year?

    Every year, my family rotates who hosts Thanksgiving. Last year, it was my turn. I (33F) live with my husband and 2 kids.
    via Tricky-Drama-960
  • My brother (35M), his wife, and their three kids stayed with us for four days. I cleaned the house top to bottom, bought all the groceries, cooked almost everything and they just... treated the place like an Airbnb.
    via Tricky-Drama-960
  • Towels left on the floor, dishes piled up, kids drawing on the walls (literally), and not a single "Can I help?" from either adult.
    via Tricky-Drama-960
  • When they left, my couch cushions were stained, there was crayon on the dining table, and I found a half-eaten turkey leg under my bed.
    via Tricky-Drama-960
  • No apology, no cleanup, no offer to reimburse me for the $500+ I spent on food.
    via Tricky-Drama-960
  • Large Thanksgiving spread.
    via gettyimagespro

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • So when my mom asked if I was hosting again this year, I said, "Absolutely not." My brother overheard and got offended, saying I'm "holding a grudge over family." I told him I'm not his maid and that if he wants a family Thanksgiving, he can host.
    via Tricky-Drama-960
  • Now my mom says I'm "making things awkward" and that it's "just one messy weekend." But I'm honestly still annoyed, especially since no one ever acknowledged how much work it was for me.
    via Tricky-Drama-960
  • AITJ for saying no this year?
    via Tricky-Drama-960
  • Beginning-Loan-3252 NTJ. You're not "holding a grudge," you're learning from experience. Hosting is stressful enough without having to parent other adults. If your brother and his wife want to enjoy Thanksgiving, they can host or rent a hotel. You're not a hotel, and family is not equal to free labor.
    via Beginning-Loan-3252
  • Current Equal7797 NTJ. Oh hell no. And your brother can get his own Airbnb, and I hope you got the stains out of the couch. If not, charge him for the cost of cleaning them. If the family continues to freak out about hosting, find a restaurant like Cracker Barrel that everyone can go to. Or have it catered at your Mom's seeing as she's so concerned.
    via Current_Equal7797
  • BoxBeast1961_ NTJ & not your turn to host either. Don't say anything about last year's train wreck-just smile & say No. Your brother knows exactly what his family did & he knows exactly what his family is like. He can host this year. Bring your crayons
    via BoxBeast1961_
  • Such-Problem-4725 The host should not be the one cooking also except maybe the turkey because it's difficult to transport. Everyone brings a dish for a more relaxed dinner. Your brother, SIL, and their scrod are disgusting.
    via Such-Problem-4725
  • Stressed woman sitting in a messy living room.
    via prostock-studio

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Dandyloxx I don't understand this new thing where everyone coddles the instigator and shames the person wronged. wtf is going on here.
    via Dandyloxx
  • haditwithyoupeople NTJ. Tell your brother he is free to do it. He can buy the food. He can cook. He can clean up after everybody. If he doesn't, he's also guilty of "holding a grudge."
    via haditwithyoupeople
  • organic-petunias75 Mom, of course I'm holding a grudge. They came into my home, lived like pigs and trashed it. They did it once and they'll do it again. I'm not interested in hosting them again.
    via organic-petunias75
  • ConsequenceLow4177 Well if it is 'just one messy weekend' then it should be a problem for either your mother or brother to host it then should it. NTJ, I always say people teach you how to treat them. I am so glad you learnt how to treat your brother after his little education episode....
    via ConsequenceLow4177
  • JustanOtherthrow4way Hang on a second you said your family rotates thanksgiving duties yet you were asked if you were hosting again?? NTJ tell your brother you did it last year and now it's someone else's turn. I'm unable to believe this is real because who the fuck lets their child draw on someone's wall and doesn't offer to fix it.
    via JustanOtherthrow4way
  • Bright Shadow69 NTJ, where's the rotation? Isn't it someone else's turn? If they want you to host yearly then they need to pitch in financially and get a hotel for members traveling. You can't be expected to foot the bill and full stress yearly. That absurd.
    via Bright_Shadow69
  • Jadie Jang What happened to "Every year, my family rotates who hosts Thanksgiving"?
    via JadieJang
  • NobodybutmyshadowRed NTJ I offer this thought from - Sophie Hannah's book, How to Hold a Grudge: "A grudge is a true story from your past, involving a negative, hurtful, or suboptimal experience that it feels important to remember now and into the future. A grudge doesn't have to be vengeful, all-consuming, and bitter." It's also called learning from experience, or realizing that the best predictor of the future is the past. If you rotate Thanksgiving, why is your mother even asking if you'll ho
    via NobodybutmyshadowRed

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family drama cleaning cooking responsibilities brother thanksgiving hosting siblings dinner entitled weekend family wife-and-kids Reddit rotation parents children entitled people
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