Soon-to-be stepmom pressures her fiancé's 10-year-old son to consider her his mother, fiancé proposes they break up instead: ‘I won't force him’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Oct 31, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Forcing a child to love you usually influences them to do the opposite.

When a child's parent remarries, it's often difficult for them to accept the fact that they'll be in the presence of a new parental figure. Even in cases where the biological parent's new partner is clearly a better guardian than the child's other biological parent, a child cannot make sense of this. For a developing brain, familiarity usually trumps good behavior; This is why you see so many children (and adults) clinging to sub-par parents. The hope of rewriting history in tandem with an inability to let things go is a recipe for disaster.

The soon-to-be stepmom in the story below seems to have a big problem with her partner's 10-year-old son and the fact that he doesn't consider her a mother figure. With the wedding coming up, the woman insists that they all go to therapy and get to the root of the child's issue with considering her as a parental figure, but her partner refuses. Why force a child to do something they don't want, especially at such a formative age? The child will either come around or they won't, but you can't force an emotion; They're too raw and real. Scroll to read the full story below.

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  • 01
    a sad small unhappy boy sitting down in his house
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    "AITAH for telling my fiancée we should break up because I won't make my son consider her his mom?"

    I (30m) have custody of my son (10m) and his mom at this present time does not have any visitation or custody with him.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 03
    She's not stable and can't be trusted to even co-operate with supervised visits. The last time he saw her was 2 years ago, and it was for a supervised visit.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 04
    I started dating my fiancée Ellie (28f) when my son was 6 and I introduced them when he was 7.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 05
    They get along pretty well. He didn't have any issues with me and Ellie or Ellie being around.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 06
    But he doesn't have a very close bond with her and he hasn't formed the kind of bond where he loves her like a mom or sees her as a mom.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 07
    Ellie admitted to me recently that she has an issue with him seeing her as my girlfriend/fiancée and not as a mom to him.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 08
    She has tried to create that bond with him because she has started to see him as her son.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 09
    But he never felt the same. And he corrects anyone assuming she is his mom and she said that hurts her feelings because she's been there for him more than his mom, has worked hard to be a solid presence in his life and provide him with the motherly love that he doesn't get from his mom but it's not enough.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 10
    She said she wanted him to get back into therapy and for us to do therapy as a family to get us to that point for the wedding.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 11
    She said she wants to be able to call him her son and have him call her mom at the wedding and that he won't do it on his own so we need to encourage it.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 12
    I asked her why she'd want to force this and she said it's not forcing, it's encouraging and don't I think he needs a mother to be present and love him and teach him everything he needs to know.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 13
    She asked how things would work if she remains just Ellie and he goes back to his mom in several years time.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 14
    She said it wouldn't be good for him but she is and will always be. I pointed out she could be good for him without forcing him to see her as his mom.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 15
    She said she'll be good to him regardless but she doesn't like that he doesn't have a mom he can talk to and be guided and loved by.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 16
    a man and woman sitting on opposite sides of their bed after an argument
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 17
    I told her I wasn't comfortable with any of this. She said I should want to do this for our family and she's not sure she could marry me if that's my attitude.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 18
    I told her we should break up then because I won't force him to consider her mom.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 19
    She wasn't expecting that to be my answer and she asked me why I wouldn't reconsider for my son's sake.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 20
    I don't believe it would benefit my son to force this. Because even if you call it encouraging all that extra therapy and the pressure of her wish for the wedding feels a lot like force.
    via Charrylzoid
  • 21
    АІТАН?
    via Charrylzoid
  • 22
    AnxiousTelephone2997 NTA. Your partner is expecting your son to understand a LOT of grown up concepts. He's TEN. He doesn't know what it is to be a mom, he doesn't necessarily fully grasp his bio mom's situation. These kinds of things are hard and complicated for a small child to grasp. It's great that she's showing up for him like this, but demanding something in return from a CHILD is a lot of pressure, as you've said. You're protecting your kid's autonomy and I respect that.
    via AnxiousTelephone2997
  • 23
    Limp_Stomach_6060 Forcing a title is how you ensure a child never, ever offers it willingly.
    via Limp_Stomach_6060
  • 24
    romya2020 His fiancee should never demand; the son's connection to her should be EARNED. Over time. I think she is trying to cement her place in the family, a precursor to cementing herself into the family by marriage.
    via romya2020
  • 25
    BitterDoGooder I don't understand how people who have gotten to be fully grown adults don't get this. Have you ever "loved" a person because they demanded it?
    via BitterDoGooder

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