Breadwinning woman earns major promotion at work, demands unemployed fiancé stop using "we" when referring to her income, sparking tension as he insists couples should share everything: 'It makes me feel like my hard work is being minimized'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Nov 9, 2025 7:00 PM EST

One of the best parts about being in a relationship is that you get to be a part of a team, someone who's there to share the wins and losses of the Game of Life. The thing is, sometimes it's important to remember that you're allowed to crave a trophy with solely your name engraved upon its base. That does not mean that you don't adore your partner, but it's okay to have your own sense of individuality! What makes 'sharing' the status of your game more difficult is when one team player feels as though they're putting a lot more into the game than their partner…

Perhaps this perfectly describes how this woman is feeling. This soon-to-be-bride is the breadwinner of her household, constantly supporting her man with a smile on her face. However, after she received a huge promotion at work, which certainly deserved a standing ovation, her fiancé decided that he should be the one to go on 'stage' and accept her 'award'! In other words, she was fed up with her unemployed fiancé referring to her income and raise and "we" and "ours"…when really it was all a result of her sweat and tears, while he sat there spotless!

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  • As you can imagine, he didn’t take the “I’m not really into sharing recognition” speech very well, countering with the claim that couples are meant to share everything! We definitely agree that sharing is an essential part of a healthy marriage and a natural outcome of any promise of forever. However, it’s also understandable to feel frustrated when it seems like you’re the only one contributing, while your partner lazily reaps the rewards of your hard work.

  • Annoyed woman and man throwing money around.
    via gettyimages

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for asking my fiancé to stop saying “we” when referring to money I earned?

    I (29F) recently got a significant raise at work. It's been a tough year, I worked insane hours, took extra certifications, and finally got promoted.
    via Aggravating_Yak4381
  • I was so proud. My fiancé (31M) congratulated me and said, "We're moving up in the world!" At first, it was sweet.
    via Aggravating_Yak4381
  • But then he kept using "we" when referring to my income. Like, "We can finally afford a nicer car" or "We're making six figures now." Thing is, he didn't get a raise.
    via Aggravating_Yak4381
  • He's between jobs right now. I've been covering most expenses for months. I gently told him I'd prefer if he didn't phrase it like that, because it makes me feel like my hard work is being minimized.
    via Aggravating_Yak4381
  • He got defensive and said I was being selfish, that couples share everything. But I'm not refusing to share; I just want acknowledgment for what I earned.
    via Aggravating_Yak4381
  • Now he's been distant, telling his sister I'm "acting brand new" since I got a raise.
    via Aggravating_Yak4381
  • Calculating monthly salary.
    via gettyimages

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • So AITA for asking him not to say "we" when it's my accomplishment?
    via Aggravating_Yak4381
  • blueswan6 If he has been in between jobs for months that's the real issue and likely what's driving this. I think you actually resent that you've been paying all of the bills for months. You
    via blueswan6
  • need to have more serious conversations about what he's doing to find a job. Have you seen him interviewing, submitting resumes, job searching? If not, then he might not be and is taking advantage of the situation.
    via blueswan6
  • Which_Specific 9891 OP, think long and hard about combining any finances with this man. Frankly, think long and hard about marrying this man. You're already carrying him completely, and he's taking credit for it-- so he has zero motivation to go get a job and start earning for himself. for ME, this would be such a big red flag that I would be pausing the whole 'fiancé' thing until he is working, putting in equal energy and money into the relationship. ETA: NTA, OP. but reconsider this relationsh
    via Which_Specific989
  • kma555 My husband and I say "We" no matter who did something. We are a team, so everything done is done for the team.
    via kma555
  • c_artist_c I feel like 'we're making six figures' is a bit much. Like I don't think 'we can afford a car' and stuff along those lines are okay especially if you're planning to be together forever lol. I feel like there's a lot to talk about between you guys, maybe he feels emasculated earning less. I don't think it's unreasonable you want your achievements acknowledged.
    via c_artist_c
  • Particular_Cycle9667 Yikes. Sounds like all he cares about is money and what you can spend on him. Bad vibes. Red flags flying. Time to reevaluate the relationship. What does he bring to the table? Is he even looking for a new job or just laying around the house? Of course he is complaining; you aren't agreeing with him that he gets to spend the money the way he wants, which is on him.
    via Particular_Cycle9667
  • Only Atmosphere_5488 Partnership doesn't mean erasing individuality. You built this, he should be cheering for you, not trying to co-sign your success.
    via Only Atmosphere_5488
  • Smiling man throwing money around!
    via sydaproductions

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Pooperscooper1776 Ask em if he has a mouse in his pocket
    via Pooperscooper1776
  • intolerablefem And he's acting like "dead weight" allowing you to support him and trying to co-opt your successes. Yes, couples do support each other but I'm really seeing red flags at his comments about affording the finer things in life now or wanting a new car. 6 figures ain't shit when you're paying all expenses for another, non-working, capable adult. He seems to be reckless with finances. NTA.
    via intolerablefem
  • Miss_Terie When he gets a job would he like you to congratulate "us" or "we" on landing a new job?
    via Miss_Terie
  • Rarashishkaba When you get married, legally, finances do become a "we" thing. I don't think not being acknowledged for your hard work is what's really bothering you, but the fact that he's not contributing. And he's phrasing things like he doesn't need to start helping. Figure these things out before you get married.
    via Rarashishkaba
  • RPDfinale I wonder if the tables were turned if he would be comfortable with you saying the same thing and having the same sense of entitlement. Or if you lost your job and he had to be the one to support you, would he actually be supportive and understanding, or
    via RPDfinale
  • would he harbor resentment. As one reddit user pointed out, I think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation as to what your expectations are in terms of both emotional support as well as financial support, especially considering you are getting married.
    via RPDfinale

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salary relationship advice spending couple drama sharing income disagreements ambition we single-income working askreddit relationships raise couples bread-winner unemployed dating
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